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Original poster

DS 20 not coping with work - get him to claim UC?

313 replies

dswork · 16/01/2026 09:20

DS 20 has ASD and ADHD. Since 18 he has had multiple jobs and not coped with any in any form. FT, PT, retail, hospitality, admin etc etc.

Every job requires me to support him SO much. I have to help him get ready, deal with panic attacks and anxiety daily. Call in when he can’t leave the house, drop him off and pick him up and through every shift offer support with calls and messages when he has to take breaks . I’m exhausted and he just can’t seem to cope.

He gets PIP. Do I suggest to him that he puts a claim in for UC? To have a temporary break from working as it really doesn’t seem to be working out at all? The GP is supportive as says the stress and anxiety for DS is so high that he’s in burnout.

OP posts:
MadisonMontgomery · 16/01/2026 09:34

Has he spoken to his GP about employment support? In my area there’s a service called ‘Working Win’ which supports anyone who needs it with finding work, and staying in work. They can help anyone who needs support with work due to health conditions etc, like finding a job which suits their needs, and speaking to employers if people need adaptations etc. Might be worth exploring before him quitting work.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/01/2026 09:33

Is he on any medication, serlan is good for depression, anxiety and stopping the noise.
I suppose he could claim while he is not coping, the fear is that he won’t be motivated to cope if receiving UC.
I would see the go for an ssri prescription.
I take a low dose and it is fantastic. I never appreciate the help until I stop and plummet into a wreck who I hate, I’m a solid tough person when I take my 50mg daily.

Original poster
dswork · 16/01/2026 09:31

MeDadMeDad · 16/01/2026 09:29

Is he on any anti anxiety meds to help with anxiety.

No the gp will not prescribe due to DS having low blood pressure

OP posts:
Fluffyholeysocks · 16/01/2026 09:31

Could you suggest voluteering as a brief respite from working? It would be less pressured for him. Getting him to claim UC might as others have said become the new norm.

BusMumsHoliday · 16/01/2026 09:30

It doesn't sound like your DS is well enough to be in work at the moment. If he currently has a job, I would see if the GP will sign him off for a few weeks to give you both space to think about what might happen next.

It sounds like your DS has been trying lots of different types of things which is admirable but also that he's not really thinking about what types of work are possible for him and would suit him. Retail would be a nightmare for a lot of autistic people. Would he prefer to work outdoors? Or largely alone? With one person that he can get to know well and can trust? Would self employment work better for him? Can he get support from Access to Work to pay for some neurodiversity coaching.

It sounds like he's got into a bit of a pattern of starting a job, finding it unsuitable and stressful and then leaving that role, but jumping into something else. This means he never really has time to adjust to a change and for it to become his routine. He needs to find something he can cope with enough to stick with.

MeDadMeDad · 16/01/2026 09:29

Is he on any anti anxiety meds to help with anxiety.

Original poster
dswork · 16/01/2026 09:29

CraftyGin · 16/01/2026 09:28

You want to put him on the scrap heap at aged 20?

Don’t be ridiculous I’ve been helping him daily for 2.5 years to enable him to work and he’s now physically affected and I’m exhausted. We need a break before one or both of us gets really unwell.

OP posts:
CraftyGin · 16/01/2026 09:28

You want to put him on the scrap heap at aged 20?

Original poster
dswork · 16/01/2026 09:27

MatildaTheCat · 16/01/2026 09:26

I’d be concerned about the temporary fix becoming permanent. Do you have ideas for supporting him into work at a later date? Also he might become quite isolated if he’s not working so while this sounds a reasonable plan I would be cautious about him not wanting to start again.

I do feel that way but he definitely needs some kind of break now as both of us are exhausted and at breaking point.

OP posts:
Original poster
dswork · 16/01/2026 09:27

All he does when home is sleep , emerges to eat and drink and sleeps again it’s like work is so stressful he is not able to do anything else

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 16/01/2026 09:26

I’d be concerned about the temporary fix becoming permanent. Do you have ideas for supporting him into work at a later date? Also he might become quite isolated if he’s not working so while this sounds a reasonable plan I would be cautious about him not wanting to start again.

Original poster
dswork · 16/01/2026 09:25

redfishcat · 16/01/2026 09:24

Does PIP give him NI credits ?
if not then he either needs a wage or to be on UC which will build up his contributions to NI. Not just for a state pension, but I think over his lifetime, to entitle him to NHS care and other services like a council flat.

No I don’t think so? I’m not actually sure. I will
find out

OP posts:
redfishcat · 16/01/2026 09:24

Does PIP give him NI credits ?
if not then he either needs a wage or to be on UC which will build up his contributions to NI. Not just for a state pension, but I think over his lifetime, to entitle him to NHS care and other services like a council flat.

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