DS 20 not coping with work - get him to claim UC?

It doesn’t sound like that to me at all. The OP and her DS seem to have both been trying their best for two years.

going off work because of anxiety doesn't make him useless or his life pointless. that's essentially what op is talking about, a break from work to get himself well and work out what to do going forward. if op has a breakdown who's going to support him into work and at home. if he has a break down he'd give to be out of work even longer.

yanbu op

No NIC with PIP. He would need to claim ESA using sick notes from the GP saying he is in burnout and not fit to work. Or if ESA migrated to UC, then UC. But I heard that health component of UC is restricted to older adults? It’s confusing.

Can he not reduce hours.
Try to work out the issue with these jobs
customers?
unpredictable demands from bosses, colleagues?

could he find a work from home job?

it would be good for someone to start a asd (and adhd?) job agency.

Things like finance could be good.

i think for me the asd issues were having job interviews and when in a job my frustration was changes and often unnecessary and making things worse. And my job was fixing things others had done wrong. Also often theres pressure to take on more work, stay late etc.

The world of work is now very ND unfriendly. (aside perhaps from wfh.)

Don't let him become another young person not in employment, education or training - statistically those that step away at a young age never really make it back. Perhaps a college course, apprenticeship or change of job is needed. But not giving up work and going on UC with no further training or education taking place. I think that is a recipe for stagnation and failing to move forward - he will always find a reason why he 'can't' if that is an option - young people need us to give them the push, it is part of being a parent. Not an easy part, but an important part.

Also, lots of minimum wage jobs involve dealing with the public and quite high stress. He might be better getting some qualifications or apprenticeship to do something where he’s working eg. in an office with the same people everyday.

There’s organisations that can support people like your son in work. My friend used to work for one and she’d help with the practical and emotional. Have you tried to find anything similar?

Get him to make a claim for UC.

His work coach can advise on potential career routes, training, apprenticeships.

They will also be able to put him forward for a limited capacity for work assessment. It sounds like he needs a period of time to recover, which would be assessed through the work capability assessment

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/if-youre-sick-or-disabled/get-ready-to-fill-in-the-work-capability-form-for-universal-credit/

I hope you both get the support you need

This isn’t a eulogy. Why the requirement for irrelevant fluffy sentiments?
She’s an exhausted mum desperate for how she can best help her son. I think it’s clear to anyone who’s not trying to stick the boot in that she’s a very loving mum.

No that very quickly and easily becomes permanent which is no good for anyone.

I think that sounds like a good idea. Whilst he’s recovering, he could think about what he’d like to do. There’s some good schemes with the Kings Trust (formerly Princes Trust).

oh behave yourself, his positive side isn't the focus of the thread at the moment, she's here to ask advice, not hype him up to complete strangers.

What I find sad is that the OP has not said one positive thing about her DS on this thread.

Could he try something very part time? Just to keep a foot in the world of work.

I would also be concerned about it becoming permanent, even though your concerns and reasons for wanting him to have a break seem very valid.

You must be exhausted. He cannot work just now- when you think about it, you are the only reason he is able to work, without you he couldn't.

He needs a rest, and so do you, you have done so well to get so far, what a lovely mum you are.

Take some time, and then make a plan with him for what's next, maybe part time study, or a more suitable job. But UC definitely the way in the mean time.

YANBU, he had tried his hardest to work and he can’t do it. He’s reaching the point of nervous breakdown, and you’re both exhausting yourselves.

It is so admirable that he has truly made an effort to work, and that you have supported him in all his attempts.

Anti depressants are not a relevant response to autistic overwhelm. He needs to find a path to employment thst works for him but realistically he may need a break right now with that pressure off

I think you should take one step at a time and avoid looking too far ahead, at the moment your son is in burnt out, his cortisol levels must be through the roof and I would suggest he stops working on health grounds as soon as possible.
He needs time to reset and recuperate as it’s only going to escalate and spiral in the current situation.
If you cannot finically support him then he needs to claim what he is entitled to. Once he’s had some time I would then look at options, is there something he can do from home, for instance a relative mine with ASD struggles with working outside the home, she is amazing at baking, she makes birthday cakes. She doesn’t take on too many orders and no massive projects but is able to do something that she really enjoys.
Volunteering maybe another route to go down, where I work we get volunteers from all works of life, some work for a couple of hours, some for a full day.
Volunteering takes the pressure off but also gives skills and may help your son decide what is a manageable load/occupation.
He won’t end up on the ‘scrap pile’ or doomed forever, he is a young man with challenges who needs help and support, you sound like an amazing Mum
My eldest son is Autistic, that is only a tiny part of him as a person and he will have so much to offer when he is fully grown whatever path he chooses, yours will too once he’s ready

It sounds like burnout and that maybe your son is too disabled to work, at least full time. I think a few months off and rest will allow him hopefully to recover enough for you both to discuss next steps. You may need to come to the conclusion that he is too disabled by his ND conditions to work full time. It's heartbreaking as a parent to have to accept that your child may never live a "full" or "normal" life. 💐from a parent of another ASD kid who many never fly the nest.

Op remember thst people with no experience of neurodivergence will not be able to give you useful responses

What is your network like locally for ND support for families ? In this situation id want to connect with and ask advice from families who have been through this..using facebook etc.

I dont know if you could afford it hut you can find ND specific life coaches who might be able to guide you and him to some longer term solutions

Ive had a child go through autistic burnout and people have no idea

Unfortunately being Nd makes it hard to work. Thats a reality . It will always be hard for him and I hope you and him find a way through this.

Autistic people definitely get back out there after they have recovered from autistic burnout. It's not permanent and nothing can speed it up. It just takes time.

Getting on UC due to having to leave his job due to it causing him to become unwell and having a work capability assessment might mean he's is put in the group for LCWRA. He could then work part time when he feels well enough.

Mental health has to come first. If he's pushed too much to stay in work that is unsuitable he may never work again anyway.

There is no quick medical fix for autistic burnout either.

I've personally tried antidepressant after antidepressant for the last 20 years. None of them really help as it's not about being depressed it's about being unable to cope in a neuro typical world. Some of them made me gain 4 or 5 stone which wouldn't come off for over 10 years and then did actually lead to depression as I was obese and couldn't do anything.

Some of them numb all the senses so you literally don't care about anyone or anything. Someone is sad....who cares. Beautiful sunset....so what.. things I would have loved before meant nothing to me. Some caused horrendous withdrawals that took many months of hell.

I can only work part-time 2 half days a week now and have had to accept that. I hope your son recovers from his burnout and feels better soon

Can he ask to reduce his hours temporarily, say 10 till 2? May find less hours less stressful.

A couple of our local cafes are run by charities providing work for people with additional needs. Mostly seems to be young people on the autism spectrum although of course I haven’t speculated on their specific needs. It works well. They work in roles that suit them and anyone who goes in knows the food will be lovely but service will take longer than you’d usually expect.

the age that he is it might be worth considering pulling him from work, and looking into returning to a supported setting for education/emotional/social support in september.

DS is 19, same diagnosis, currently at an adult education facility that is part maths/english and part social with a view to prep for the workplace, and they also do supported internships.

There is also the option to look into the apprenticeship schemes if he can find something related to what he enjoys.

I was also going to suggest looking into ESA.
As others have said he/you also need to look into the kind of jobs which might work for him. There are ND specialist job/life coaches who might be able to help him decide on the right career path.