Moving abroad first bringing children later

This is insane. I just did an overseas move and took my kids with me. Yes it was hard carting kids around (baby and toddler so hard!) while looking at nurseries / places to rent etc but I could not fathom being away from them for months. Can you do a two week scope and then come back and get them? I had pretty much everything sorted in 2 weeks (and that was with kids in tow…)

I’m sure you did know I was heading there

because a family moving to the US is not what this thread is about

I knew you were heading there!

I never said it was the same. 🤔

I said I thought (think) it can work if op goes first and prepares the ground.

I also think it's a bad idea to drag the kids backwards and forwards - she should go first, get everything lined up and then take the kids when the time is right (which will depend on how the UK school year fits against teaching periods/holidays in the country she is going to).

So not the case here in any fashion at all

Yes, his wife and mother of his children. 😀

With their mother ie not leaving her and a home

Yes with his wife.
I imagine there was a period of some months (maybe) where he was travelling backwards and forwards until the time was right for the rest of them to join him.

So to be clear… your brother moved with his wife, the mother of the children. As a family. In one go rather than back and forth?

Not divorced, no, but I don't think that's relevant, op says her ex is supportive.

It was definitely several months in the planning. They had loads of pictures up on the walls so that the kids could get used to the idea and have some sense of what their lives would be like. My brother travelled backwards and forwards for a while getting a place for them to live, etc, etc. And as far as I remember they went in the summer, after the end of our school year and before the start of the US school year.

Was your brother divorced and leaving behind his ex? Did your brother go out there for a few months and then bring the children over, one of which in secondary school?

OMG you've had a lot of unnecessarily nasty and judgemental responses here!

FWIW, my brother took his 4 children, aged between 5 and 10 at the time, to the US and it worked out VERY well for them all. He is now seriously wealthy, all 4 kids have right to remain and work in the US and are thriving.

So I would say go for it (though I know that wasn't the question you asked).

I don't like all going backwards and forwards your ex is suggesting. I think you should go first, find somewhere to live and get school places organised, then move them over at the appropriate point in the school year.

Good luck op!

This won’t be easy , and I don’t know where you’re moving to so it’s tricky for me to advise you
However, I’ve done this as the SAHM .
Husband was asked to work overseas when I just had one child , this was years ago and my plan was to head back to work myself at some point ( I had no childcare or support network )
I agreed because I was so often left on my own 24/7 with a small child while he worked in his usual office or he travelled for work .
He had already been out there and the office admin manager did help a little to give us an idea where we might want to live in the city .
The firm didn’t use a relocation consultant so it was exhausting.
I did the same when he was sent back to work overseas when we had more children.
I would see if they can find you a relocation consultant as they’d help with finding school placements and a new home as well as many other things

At what ages on each of the three occasions @Libbyloo174 ?

What job is that? And which country?

I’m on 5 times more than if I was in the UK, doing the same job (legal), so it can happen.

This. As I said in my own post, if you’re after more practical help, consider posting in the Living Overseas chat.

That said, our advice may well differ depending on where you are moving to. Unless it’s too outing, you would get more tailored advice if you say where the job is. As said above, often if your job is lost, so is your visa, which means a huge and expensive upheaval for your children. Many of the international schools have expensive golden hello payments. Fine if firm paying; not so fine if you are.

God, there’s a lot of jealous and cynical people around.
assuming your job is real and you signed a contract (and double check what they can dismiss you for, the notice period of that, whether your visa is reliant on that job and how easy it is to find another one if the worst did happen), then I would agree with the majority of people (the supportive ones) - 3 months is way too long a separation. A lot of the more helpful replies were with 2 parent families who signed up to it together, but that’s not your situation. I know you say that your ex is a good man who won’t betray, but that is naive, perhaps because you are so desperate for it to happen - it is almost like winning a lottery ticket for you! Bottome line: Move kids together. Take them with you. Be prepared for an unsettled early start but it will pan itself out. Just don’t break that emotional bond with them and explain that you will all experience this together. And if your ex does also move out there, that’s a better plan for the kids.
If youre looking for more pratical advice on moving abroad, find another string, as the people on here won’t help you.
So do it, but dont leave them behind.

I think your move and new career sounds fantastic best of luck. I also think although you came on here to ask opinions you already know what you want to do. You trust your ex explicitly therefore it does seem right that you go abroad first and find a house and school leaving the children with your ex.

You also mention your ex wants to emigrate too. Ideally he would choose the same country and everything would work out perfectly.

So you've been out of work for two years with depression then worked a minimum wage job and you claim to be so desirable after all that that you have been offered 5 times your salary? That's just not real! You don't get that just because you have degree, you need to have proven skills and experience. Where is this crazy jobs market that offers people 5 times their salary for a field they haven't even been working in fact they have had years out the workforce due to depression!

But did you have the kids dad with you! Your attitude is screw the kids, screw their relationship with their dad, screw the disruption to their life and education especially for a 12 year old who is 3 years away from GCSEs! It's a selfish approach, would you happily give up your kids to see once it twice a year if lucky if boot was on the other foot?

If it is the middle east, the OP needs to think even harder because it's even more of a trek for the kids and their dad to see each other, it's an expensive place to live and culturally very different especially if any of her kids are daughters! I don't think it's fair to drag kids into a situation where they'll rarely see their dad and will live in about oppressive culture and also somewhere that's too red hot to be outside for many months of the year especially for Brits who aren't used to it.
Her 12 year old is reaching the last critical years at school and she thinks it's a good time to disrupt that!

She does a job that pays £30k currently, she is not going to be paid £150k for no real reason let alone countless thousands on top of that for expenses! Is she becoming PM of another country or something! She's talking total fantasy! No hiring manager would say "oh so you're on £30k currently, ok, I'll offer you five times more" it just doesn't happen!

Because the dad can see that this job abroad is an absolute con! People don't offer somebody 5 times their salary! It's a trick! The father can see how ridiculous this is and wants the kids to.atay where they are whilst she realises she's being mugged off! If we could all magically earn 5 times our salary overseas, most of us wouldn't be here.

I'm sorry but that sounds a con, how can your £30k worth of skills suddenly be worth 5 times more! Hiring managers do not offer 5 times your current salary! I think this is why the kids dad is being additionally cautious because he csn see that this isn't genuine! Nobody gets offered ludicrous salary hikes like that! He knows this is a con and it's going to go wrong and that's why he wants you to go first and find out that you've been mugged off before you uproot the kids and ruin their schooling.

Really? You think if a divorced man with shared custody for his children was planning to move from the same town as his exW to another country, his plan was to go for 3 months on his own to settle, then have the children move with him permanently only seeing their mum at the school holidays, everyone would say go for it? Not “the kids will stay in the uk and you’ll have to visit.” That no one would call him selfish or unreasonable?

I do think the OP is foolish to think the children will be moving with her if she goes by herself for so long and they are settled at their dads full time and used to not seeing her now. I think her ex is playing a blinder.