Learning to drive is my husband bu

There’s a reason jokes about teaching your wife to drive were once so popular.

my mum and me had a horrible experience when she was teaching me - she couldn’t cope at all and I stopped going out with her.

You’re right that it’s really important to practice. The more practice the better your chance of passing your test.

You can’t force someone to be comfortable supervising you though. But, does he understand you’re not asking him to teach you? Just to be the responsible passenger.

I've had to suck up doing this for my dc. I'm not comfortable - though that has eased as they get more practice. I didn't really have the option to say I wasn't comfortable - lesson prices are insanely high

when my DS was learning, his Dad took him as I am I felt very uncomfortable and scared. As much as I love DS I just couldn’t do it. I would have been a liability not help.

I agree with everyone saying that supervising a learner isn’t for everyone. I helped DD1 learn to drive and had to stop myself clinging onto the seat because it stressed her out 😂 If he doesn’t like the idea you’ll probably end up with an argument anyway.

When my son learnt to drive he had a few lessons with his instructor and when she said she felt he was ready to go out with me I then took his to an empty park and ride and he just went round and round.
This enabled him to get use to the car (very different to instructors) and meant he could go slowly and I could get more confident in him. After doing this a few times we then went out on the road (somewhere quiet) and this worked really well.
I knew he was able to use the controls etc and I wasn't as worried about him on a normal road.

We did this right the way up to his lesson and he passed recently first time.

Would your husband do something like this?

Just to add, my bloke absolutely hates being a passenger. I’ve been driving for 35 accident free years and he still hates me driving him. I think his head would explode if he took a learner out. Some people are just not up to it.

Agree with PP it will be a shit show if your DH is nervous about it, and could wreck your confidence (or your relationship).

My driving instructor was always of the opinion that you should be totally test-ready and also 100% sure it won't knock your confidence, otherwise it's better not to go out practising.

I learned as an adult and my DH didn't sit in a car with me until I passed.

I had suggested he supervised me, but i could tell he wasn't keen so I didn't push it.

It did cost me loads in lessons but I think that's just the nature of the beast learning as an adult.

I take my DS out as he's learning and the lack of control over the car is awful. I actually don't sleep well the night before because I dread it so much. I really wish I'd never agreed to it.

He isn't being unreasonable. My DH took me and it was a shit show. Likewise, I've now taken my eldest daughter and it didn't go well, I felt so nervous and hated nit being in control. Dh then hired a dual control car for lesrners and took her out in that and it was better. Maybe ask if he would feel comfortable in one of those?

What a stupid fucking reply.

My DH would only do it once I was test ready. I failed my first test - book again 5 weeks later. I failed on hesitation at junctions. That would only be solved by time in the car. He didn't like it (but didn't show that) but knew I needed the practice between tests and 1 lesson a week wasn't enough.
He wanted me to pass so in his mind it was worth the short term pain.

Do you know anyone else that could take you out to practice? A friend or neighbour? I would supervise you, if I lived near!

All these people saying your husband isnt being unreasonable…. I think he is. If he supports you learning to drive then he should be helping you.

I took my middle child out learning and it was scary but it had to be done or he wouldn’t be driving now.

I think it’s fair enough that he doesn’t want to. I hate being driven by anyone even with a license so would be so stressed with a learner behind the wheel. Gave DS one lesson myself and that was enough for both of us.

It won’t do your confidence any good having someone stressed and uptight sat next to you.

It's hard because as a supervisor in a non dual control car you are pretty much powerless to intervene if something goes wrong.

It really depends on what your driving standard is up to, but maybe you could persuade him to supervise practice of some low consequence manoevres for you, eg parking in car parks.

Maybe not the full deal but at least some contribution.

I don't think your husband should be penalised for taking his responsibilities seriously.

It’s actually really hairy taking a learner driver out for practice drives OP. It takes a calm constitution and if your husband doesn’t feel comfortable, you need to accept that without arguing.
I’ve taken both my children out when they were learning and it was nerve-wracking in the extreme, I had to sit on my hands and bite the inside of my mouth shut so I quite understand your husband’s feeling.

I taught my DC to drive (in between lessons with an instructor). I fucking hated it, BUT it is soooo important to have loads of road experience before a new driver goes out on their own.

Making the car move isn’t the danger, it’s dealing with hazards on the road and anticipating what other drivers are going to do etc which are learned skills you can’t get from the theory test or a handful of hours with an instructor.

I understand your DH’s reluctance, but you will be a safer driver with more road experience and surely he wants that for both you and your DC (presuming they’ll be in the car with you when you pass?)

We all have to do things we don’t want to do sometimes for the good of our family.

I would never be able to take a learner driver out.

I had a very bad experience with my Dad teaching me to drive when I was 17. It was a very tense time, we got irate with each other, I ended up very scared and dreading every day. It wasn't our finest hour and it went on for several months. I did later on get a driving instructor too because I needed him to build my confidence where my Dad tended to shout a lot and destroy it.

DH had a similar experience with his mother.

Both of us decided that we wouldn't be teaching our own DDs to drive for that very reason. We would rather that we continued to get on with them.

Thankfully my DH took me out all the time. Even had DS in the back. It’s the reason I passed within 3 months first time. Your DH isn’t being unreasonable though if he’s not comfortable but I’d be asking the reasons.

He is not teaching you he is just supervising, my husband took me out driving most days when I was approaching my test, he usually drove to work to pick me up and I would drive home. On days out he would find a route that didn't involve motorways and let me drive, I even did some long journeys. It really helped with my confidence. He is being unreasonable and should want to support and help you in your effort, tell him to pull up his big boys pants and take you out.

How does that work when so many posters have said they’d far rather pay for more lessons? Heart and generosity of spirit don’t turn you into someone who’s not genuinely terrified of being responsible for a learner driver.

I tried to learn in a manual before I gave up and went automatic. I distinctly remember DH insisting he take me out driving and I was not confident in a manual with the bite at all so I started rolling down a hill. Obviously without the dual controls instructors have, DH couldn’t do much and that could have ended really badly!

I think it’s always best and safest with an instructor personally.

Or a certain heart and generosity of spirit

If he doesn't feel comfortable supervising a learner, I'd say that's fair enough. His car doesn't have dual control either so he wouldn't be able to easily intervene if anything did happen. You do have to have a certain temperament for teaching learner drivers.