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AIBU?

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Should I apologise to DH?

140 replies

WorldMap24 · 15/01/2026 21:12

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable.......should I apologise to DH?

Background is we both work full time, have 2 teenagers, and we share the chores. I would never moan that he doesn't pull his weight on a normal day. The teenagers also play their part in looking after the house / each other.

Today I finished work a bit late and got home around 7pm. Dinner was ready for me (DS had cooked, not DH, in case that makes a difference) and DH came and sat with me to chat about our days and keep me company. He had eaten with the kids earlier.

As I'm coming to the end of my meal he casually mentions that the dog has had an accident on the (carpeted) landing.

Background on the dog. She is 8 years old and is usually good at night, but she would have an accident maybe once every other month. She nearly always has an accident in the kitchen, if at all. She has had accidents elsewhere in the house when on medication previously.

DH says he saw a wet patch on the carpet this morning but assumed it was water (why I don't know). Didn't bother to check this, clear the 'water' up, or investigate where it came from.

This afternoon, after stepping in it and smelling it, he has realised it's urine. He has gotten one of the dogs towels, trodden over it a few times, then left it! His reasoning is:

  • he thought he had trodden most of it out (he hadn't)
  • he didn't know how to use the vax
  • he didn't know what to do e.g. use vax / carpet powder etc
  • he was working from home and had to make some calls (he does use his phone a lot for work but he doesn't usually have more than one scheduled call, and most calls are internal within the company. He can make up time later and is always over his hours anyway. I don't know what time he finished work today)

I have shouted at him for being so thoughtless! How could he see a wet patch, assume it's OK (especially with a dog with her history), then when he realised it was urine on the carpet left it for HOURS to dry further into the carpet?!

He is pissed off that I've shouted at him and is looking for an apology. I have spent ages cleaning it up and I'm furious that he is making me out to be the bad guy. I'm not sure if he was being lazy, thoughtless or a mixture of both.

So give it to me straight, aibu for not apologising and maintaining my pissed off demeanor? Or is he just an absolute prat, and I had every right to show I was annoyed with his complete lack of rational thought all flippin day?

OP posts:
CheeseItOn · 15/01/2026 22:37

thisfilmisboring123 · 15/01/2026 21:48

You sound like you’re talking about a toddler.

Actually like a toddler, get treated like a toddler. Toddlers go get mummy to clean up, right? Big boys do it themselves.

Amonthinthecountry · 15/01/2026 22:35

sprigatito · 15/01/2026 21:18

I would apologise for shouting, and then ask him if he planned on apologising for leaving the unpleasant job for Mummy like one of the children.

Agree

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 22:34

Do you shout at him often, OP? Because this seems like a small thing to shout at someone over.

Catza · 15/01/2026 22:32

It's absolutely not acceptable to shout at anyone. For any reason. Yes, he may not have covered himself in glory but you show an astonishing lack of communication skills. I would absolutely apologise and ask him to clean up. Please and thank you.

Endofyear · 15/01/2026 22:31

I don't think it's ok to shout at your partner. I would have told him what he needs to do and asked him to clean it properly. He wasn't being lazy, he was working and let it slip when he was probably distracted thinking about work. I would apologise for shouting but reiterate that he should have dealt with it properly earlier.

SnowWhitesAppIe · 15/01/2026 22:30

StinkyWizzleteets · 15/01/2026 21:19

It’s weaponised incompetence.
he didn’t want to do it so he didn’t

Edited

@WorldMap24 i suggest you stop doing things that you don't want to, like his washing

BlackCat14 · 15/01/2026 22:27

He should have cleaned it up properly. But you shouldn’t have shouted at him. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where we actually shout at each other over stuff like this.

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 22:26

justasking111 · 15/01/2026 22:03

Burnt the house down 😄

It is the only way.

Poshjock · 15/01/2026 22:15

Hang on a minute. You’re saying your dog has accidents in the house every other month? That’s is not normal. There is something going on there that is either the dog is not getting voiding opportunities nearly often enough, behaviour issue or health issue. If cleaning hasn’t been done to remove bio markers then it could simply be that the dog recognises these places as “acceptable” because they are marked as previous toilet areas. You may not smell it at all but the bio markers will be embedded in the carpet, underlay and floor board and this may be related to the high incidence of “accidents” your dog is having.

I remember helping my niece move into her new house. I brought my Labs with me and they both immediately started marking in the house. This was highly unusual behaviour for them indoors. Obviously I immediately removed them and on further investigation carpets were lifted and although they had been surface cleaned and there was no detectable smell, there was much evidence of pee stains on the underlay and floor boards that suggested the previous tenants had allowed a pet to urinate many times. My dogs had smelt this and assumed the area to be acceptable and proceeded to overlay their own mark as they would normally do in a park or street. The landlord was unaware and assumed clean because the carpet had been only surface cleaned. Whole lot was lifted and replaced.

Frannyisreading · 15/01/2026 22:06

Urine smell beds in and gets worse and worse if not dealt with. It's very hard to remove and unfortunately you may not notice it but visitors will.

BoredZelda · 15/01/2026 22:06

thisfilmisboring123 · 15/01/2026 21:48

You sound like you’re talking about a toddler.

Yep. But apparently any raising of your voice is abusive.

ChronicConfusion · 15/01/2026 22:05

Bombinia · 15/01/2026 21:17

No one in their right mind thinks that "what needs doing" to piss on a carpet is to tread a towel into it and then leave it. FFS

Yanbu OP I would be fuming and making him clean it up

Edited

You’ll be suprised. My dog is almost 10 and the very rare accident she has, I get cleaning product specifically for urine and use the vax. DH doesn’t know how to use the vax but as a grown adult, he knows the standing on a towel isn’t cleaning it up so he if he doesn’t have time to read the vac instructions, he gets on his hands and knows and cleans it properly. I’ve been told by more than one person that they just get a towel and dab it up.

BoredZelda · 15/01/2026 22:04

BunnyLake · 15/01/2026 21:56

Why did you shout, is he hard of hearing?

She was annoyed after a day at work, faced with an incompetent twat. Not everyone has the patience of a saint.

justasking111 · 15/01/2026 22:03

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:52

Genuinely puzzled - what is all this Vax business with a bit of dog pee? And carpet cleaner? What do you do/should he have done according to the OP?

Burnt the house down 😄

BoredZelda · 15/01/2026 22:03

I didn’t know how to use my Vax when I got it. So I looked at the manual and found out. They are all online if you don’t have the original. I would have been very annoyed if I’d have to do this, after having come home from work when someone had been inn the house all day.

heartbroken26 · 15/01/2026 22:03

I wouldn't apologise

firstofallimadelight · 15/01/2026 22:00

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:58

But he did do it.

To clarify I meant get the vax out and use it to clean the carpet (as op did after the row)

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:58

firstofallimadelight · 15/01/2026 21:56

I would apologise for shouting and would expect an apology for leaving dog wee on the carpet and leaving you to clean it. I would have expected him to do it

But he did do it.

BunnyLake · 15/01/2026 21:56

Why did you shout, is he hard of hearing?

firstofallimadelight · 15/01/2026 21:56

I would apologise for shouting and would expect an apology for leaving dog wee on the carpet and leaving you to clean it. I would have expected him to do it

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:52

Genuinely puzzled - what is all this Vax business with a bit of dog pee? And carpet cleaner? What do you do/should he have done according to the OP?

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:51

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LoveWine123 · 15/01/2026 21:49

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:41

How is he not respecting her, by clearing it up in a way that he thought was suitable?

He didn’t think it was suitable though…he gave her four different excuses for not cleaning it up properly.

thisfilmisboring123 · 15/01/2026 21:48

CheeseItOn · 15/01/2026 21:46

I wouldn't have shouted or cleared it up.

I'd have empathised and told him I'll go up with him after dinner to teach him. I'd have had to bite my tongue not to passive aggressively had added "so that you know for next time" and I'd definitely make the cleaning more thorough than it needed to be and remark that it will be easier next time as now he knows what hes doing it won't have had so long to sink in.

You sound like you’re talking about a toddler.

CheeseItOn · 15/01/2026 21:46

I wouldn't have shouted or cleared it up.

I'd have empathised and told him I'll go up with him after dinner to teach him. I'd have had to bite my tongue not to passive aggressively had added "so that you know for next time" and I'd definitely make the cleaning more thorough than it needed to be and remark that it will be easier next time as now he knows what hes doing it won't have had so long to sink in.