Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I apologise to DH?

140 replies

WorldMap24 · 15/01/2026 21:12

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable.......should I apologise to DH?

Background is we both work full time, have 2 teenagers, and we share the chores. I would never moan that he doesn't pull his weight on a normal day. The teenagers also play their part in looking after the house / each other.

Today I finished work a bit late and got home around 7pm. Dinner was ready for me (DS had cooked, not DH, in case that makes a difference) and DH came and sat with me to chat about our days and keep me company. He had eaten with the kids earlier.

As I'm coming to the end of my meal he casually mentions that the dog has had an accident on the (carpeted) landing.

Background on the dog. She is 8 years old and is usually good at night, but she would have an accident maybe once every other month. She nearly always has an accident in the kitchen, if at all. She has had accidents elsewhere in the house when on medication previously.

DH says he saw a wet patch on the carpet this morning but assumed it was water (why I don't know). Didn't bother to check this, clear the 'water' up, or investigate where it came from.

This afternoon, after stepping in it and smelling it, he has realised it's urine. He has gotten one of the dogs towels, trodden over it a few times, then left it! His reasoning is:

  • he thought he had trodden most of it out (he hadn't)
  • he didn't know how to use the vax
  • he didn't know what to do e.g. use vax / carpet powder etc
  • he was working from home and had to make some calls (he does use his phone a lot for work but he doesn't usually have more than one scheduled call, and most calls are internal within the company. He can make up time later and is always over his hours anyway. I don't know what time he finished work today)

I have shouted at him for being so thoughtless! How could he see a wet patch, assume it's OK (especially with a dog with her history), then when he realised it was urine on the carpet left it for HOURS to dry further into the carpet?!

He is pissed off that I've shouted at him and is looking for an apology. I have spent ages cleaning it up and I'm furious that he is making me out to be the bad guy. I'm not sure if he was being lazy, thoughtless or a mixture of both.

So give it to me straight, aibu for not apologising and maintaining my pissed off demeanor? Or is he just an absolute prat, and I had every right to show I was annoyed with his complete lack of rational thought all flippin day?

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 16/01/2026 10:35

thisfilmisboring123 · 16/01/2026 08:23

I wouldn’t expect my husband to shout at me for burning tea, nor would I shout at him.
Accidents happen.

This is not an accident, this is laziness.

So if it had been the OP who had left the dog pee and made a thread saying she was upset her husband shouted at her you’d be on his side then. Got it. Personally I am against shouting but that’s just my own opinion.

TeaAndTattoos · 16/01/2026 10:34

Melarus · 16/01/2026 08:34

What's a Vax?

Looks like a hoover but it’s for cleaning carpets you put water and cleaning chemicals in them and they give your carpet a really deep clean.

Bikergran · 16/01/2026 09:46

@WorldMap24 if the smell doesn't go, you may need to replace the underlay in that area, if it's soaked into that it's permanent. Also if smell returns after cleaning, steam clean the area, blasting it right into the carpet. Bacteria in urine can regrow if the initial cleaner doesn't kill it all first time round.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 16/01/2026 09:44

You should have asked him to get the vax out and directed him how to use it ... training need! Yes, apologise for shouting.

WirelessInternet · 16/01/2026 09:37

Anyahyacinth · 15/01/2026 23:09

You those people are women? I think we may have some ringers for some weird goady reasons

Ah, very good point. I hadn’t considered that.

The cynic in me wouldn’t be surprised if it was MNHQ looking to drive engagement, now you mention it. Surely these people don’t walk amongst us.

Thoseslippers · 16/01/2026 09:28

I think both of you are overreacting.
He did something a bit lazy and incompetent. I can understand why you were annoyed but 'shouting' about it is probably ott if he's usually ok with housework.
Equally though he needs to acknowledge that he was a bit shit to not deal with it and accept that's gonna make you annoyed. Instead he too has overreacted to your overreaction.

Ablondiebutagoody · 16/01/2026 09:23

Y are both BU for having a dog in the house that pisses on the floor. Grim.

YogaNoga · 16/01/2026 09:19

BlackCatDiscoClub · 16/01/2026 09:08

Don't you find the dog pees in the same place? I use cleaning stuff because you need to get rid of any trace of smell so the dog doesn't think 'ooh its my pissng spot! Let's give it a top up'

She's in good health and house trained, so it doesn't happen. Hasn't happened since she was a puppy.

We get the occasional dog visiting who might have an accident, I treat it in my slovenly way and it makes no difference to DDog.

BlackCatDiscoClub · 16/01/2026 09:08

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:36

Yup. Diluted with some water if necessary. And no, my house doesn't "fucking" stink 😆

Honestly, all this pearl clutching over a bit of dog pee.

Don't you find the dog pees in the same place? I use cleaning stuff because you need to get rid of any trace of smell so the dog doesn't think 'ooh its my pissng spot! Let's give it a top up'

Gettingbysomehow · 16/01/2026 08:57

He should apologise to you. That kind of laziness is infuriating. And it is laziness.

Melarus · 16/01/2026 08:34

What's a Vax?

thisfilmisboring123 · 16/01/2026 08:24

AxolotlEars · 16/01/2026 07:54

Apologise for shouting.

Shouldn’t he be apologising for being lazy?

thisfilmisboring123 · 16/01/2026 08:23

BunnyLake · 15/01/2026 22:47

If a husband shouted at his wife because she burnt the dinner (weaponised incompetence in his eyes as she doesn’t much care for cooking) is that acceptable, yes or no?

I wouldn’t expect my husband to shout at me for burning tea, nor would I shout at him.
Accidents happen.

This is not an accident, this is laziness.

AxolotlEars · 16/01/2026 07:54

Apologise for shouting.

pilates · 16/01/2026 07:30

Sorry, but I think he chose not to clear it up as he knew you would. So no I wouldn’t be apologising.

RUPoshYet · 16/01/2026 07:25

Bordeuxkitchen · 16/01/2026 00:36

Meh. If I found out my DH had left piss on the carpet all day, I’d have shouted at him to go and clean it up properly and not be such a minger, whilst pointing out that I wasn’t actually a maid. So no, I wouldn’t be apologising. But I wouldn’t have cleaned it up either. He would have.

Same. Shouting over this is hardly abusive. Leaving urine on the carpet and effectively making your partner clean it up, is also abusive then…

WorldMap24 · 16/01/2026 06:56

Thank you everyone who replied. I have calmed down a bit this morning and will apologise for shouting. I was beyond frustrated and lashed out. No, this is not normal for us.
To the person who said that the dog having accidents will leave markers etc, you're right and I know this. Unfortunately my dog has health issues and this reaction seems to coincide with flare ups. We are at the vets several times a year, she is walked daily (1.5 - 2 hours with a dog walker) and she has bells on the outside doors to tell us she needs to go out. I put her outside every night before bed, give her treats still for peeing outside, and she never has accidents in the day. She is on daily medication for her health issues. She is not in any way neglected, I assure you. She also knows she's done wrong when she has accidents.
Because I know dog pee leaves markers, that is why I want it cleaned thoroughly and quickly, not left to bed in.
To those asking how I would clean it up then, I have started with the vax with carpet cleaner, then used paper towels to soak up even more than the vax could get out. I will shampoo it again today. Then once fully dry I with get the carpet powder down to neutralise leftover smells. I will then give it a proper sniff test and repeat if necessary.

OP posts:
Renamed · 16/01/2026 01:30

Oh it’s one of those nights on MN. OP how can you possibly get uptight about a bit of piss on the carpet? In our house everyone pisses on the floor all the time*, just relax.

*just to note, this is sarcasm

HelenaWaiting · 16/01/2026 01:28

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 21:28

So how do you think it should be done?

Because I've been doing it like that for over 20 years, and yet here I still am. As is my family.

Dr Beckmann's. It's an absolute godsend. My cavapoo is just out of puppyhood and sometimes forgets.

DeepRubySwan · 16/01/2026 01:25

YogaNoga · 15/01/2026 22:26

It is the only way.

No clearly they need to immediately DIVORCE. Isn't that the classic MN wisdom.

DeepRubySwan · 16/01/2026 01:22

Shouting is not okay but i get why you were so pissed. When you have both calmed down, just talk and make up. It's a minor thing in an otherwise functional household by the sounds of it.

TeaAndTattoos · 16/01/2026 01:04

Oh no no no excuse the pun but that’s an absolute piss take on his part even if it was just water you don’t leave it to sit there all day drying into the carpet getting the vax out is an easy job to do he just didn’t want to do it so he thought he would just leave it for you to deal with. Tell him he’ll get an apology when he learns how to properly clean up the dogs pee.

Bryonny84 · 16/01/2026 00:57

Dog pee doesn’t actually smell, not like cat and human pee. whoever sees it first just get the pet spray out or the vax and deal with it. If you have a family dog it’s everyone’s job to sort it. Man piss around the toilet annoys me far more than anything my dog could ever do.

maudelovesharold · 16/01/2026 00:49

TrishM80 · 15/01/2026 21:22

Shouting at your partner is abusive behaviour.

Leaving your partner to clean up hours-old dog piss, because you “don’t know how to use the vax” is pathetic. So is putting a towel on the dog piss and treading on it to soak it up. The laws of physics dictate that pressure from his foot will have caused the piss to soak through the towel and onto his slippers/socks/shoes, thereby transferring piss wherever he subsequently walks. I’d be furious. The lazy article deserves to be shouted at.

Migrainedays · 16/01/2026 00:42

All this drama over piss.