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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to say my sons girlfriend can stay over…

40 replies

GinnyW · 15/01/2026 19:31

DH and I are supposed to be away for weekend. I told DS that his 18 yo DGF could stay over. DS is very nearly 18. DH has had a momentous hissy fit as I didn’t ask his permission. To the point where we might not go away for weekend. I thought that it was really sweet that DS asked me as he could have invited her over anyway. I am not sure what I did that was so wrong.

OP posts:
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BettyRizzoSlaps · 15/01/2026 23:24

GinnyW · 15/01/2026 21:37

I don’t know, I prefer to not think about it to be honest. They are not kids anymore.

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Well yes, mine are grown up, and I don't want to think about it either, they're my babies! However, I obviously know that they do things...

Captcha4903 · 15/01/2026 22:35

Given the housing crisis how long is DS expected to wait before having sex?

rightoguvnor · 15/01/2026 22:20

I’m absolutely with you.
Your ds could have kept schtum and you’d never know.
or he could have had 10 mates round, drinking alcohol and gaming, vomiting in your kitchen sink, disturbing the neighbours.
Give him the chance to prove they can be trusted.

DisappointedD · 15/01/2026 21:58

If it was the first time of allowing a partner to stay over I might have discussed it first (however DS was 16 not almost 18 so also a little bit different), however given she stays over already it wouldn’t have crossed my mind to ask.

DS has been his partner since 16 and is now 19. I’d call that a partner to the OP that said they are not partners at 17/18.

AnneElliott · 15/01/2026 21:52

But if she stays over when you’re at home what’s the difference? Or does GF stay in the spare room or something?

Original poster
GinnyW · 15/01/2026 21:42

wheresthesnowgone · 15/01/2026 21:40

What would DH have said if you had discussed it with him first?

No, definitely no. Which I think is ridiculous.

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Original poster
GinnyW · 15/01/2026 21:41

Jellybunny56 · 15/01/2026 20:24

My children are still tiny but I wouldn’t even think to ask really especially if she already does stay over so there clearly isn’t a hard rule about it already.

Plan ahead, it goes by so quickly!

OP posts:
wheresthesnowgone · 15/01/2026 21:40

What would DH have said if you had discussed it with him first?

Original poster
GinnyW · 15/01/2026 21:37

BettyRizzoSlaps · 15/01/2026 20:48

I am so confused. Does he not think they are "intimate" already?

I don’t know, I prefer to not think about it to be honest. They are not kids anymore.

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Original poster
GinnyW · 15/01/2026 21:35

JLou08 · 15/01/2026 20:37

I wouldn't expect my DH to discuss this decision with me. They're both of legal age, you and DH won't be in the house, as you say DS could've gone ahead and done it anyway. I think your DH is overreacting, it's not going to have any impact on him.

This was exactly my reasoning, thank you

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Original poster
GinnyW · 15/01/2026 21:34

ColdAsAWitches · 15/01/2026 20:14

Well, he's right about that!

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Well yes, we have all been there!

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undone561 · 15/01/2026 21:30

He's being ridiculous all round.

BettyRizzoSlaps · 15/01/2026 20:48

I am so confused. Does he not think they are "intimate" already?

WanderlustMom · 15/01/2026 20:45

I’m baffled at this .. so she already stays over anyway, but your DH is annoyed because you’ve said she can stay over when you’re not there because he thinks they might have sex? Confused What does he think they do anyway, play chess?

JLou08 · 15/01/2026 20:37

I wouldn't expect my DH to discuss this decision with me. They're both of legal age, you and DH won't be in the house, as you say DS could've gone ahead and done it anyway. I think your DH is overreacting, it's not going to have any impact on him.

Hankunamatata · 15/01/2026 20:35

I never stayed over at bf due to conservative parents. We were at it like rabbits any chance we got from 17/18. I don't see the issue with her staying over if your not there

tigger1001 · 15/01/2026 20:32

GinnyW · 15/01/2026 20:08

He thinks they might be “intimate”

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What does he think they do when she stays over when you are there?

and I wouldn't have been able to resist saying to him that was the case from the second he knew you were going away, however you have raised a thoughtful and mature lad who was letting you know rather than sneaking her in once you were away. I would be pleased at the respect he's showing.

scottishGirl · 15/01/2026 20:27

GinnyW · 15/01/2026 20:08

He thinks they might be “intimate”

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Well yes I would think so?
Do you not think this?

Jellybunny56 · 15/01/2026 20:24

My children are still tiny but I wouldn’t even think to ask really especially if she already does stay over so there clearly isn’t a hard rule about it already.

Hufflemuff · 15/01/2026 20:18

It wouldnt have crossed my mind to ask. I usually make the decisions like this and DH backs me up no matter what. I'd only discuss it if I wasn't sure about it and wanted to talk it through.

Coffeeishot · 15/01/2026 20:15

He is clearly being ridiculous they are being intimate whether she stays or hor i do think you could have said to him first, it might be he want to be considered.

ColdAsAWitches · 15/01/2026 20:14

GinnyW · 15/01/2026 20:08

He thinks they might be “intimate”

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Well, he's right about that!

Original poster
GinnyW · 15/01/2026 20:10

Coffeeishot · 15/01/2026 19:48

It isn't basic to not include your husband in who stays in the house though.

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Yes, in most households, but he is not here for more than half the time. Sadly.

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Original poster
GinnyW · 15/01/2026 20:08

Coffeeishot · 15/01/2026 19:36

I always discussed staying overs with my husband just so we were on the same page, what are his objections ?

Edited

He thinks they might be “intimate”

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Original poster
GinnyW · 15/01/2026 20:04

sprigatito · 15/01/2026 19:41

It wouldn’t have occurred to me that I needed DH’s permission to agree to something so basic. Why on earth would I not allow my 18yo to have his partner in his home? But then, my DH isn’t an uptight bellend.

I think I agree with you

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