To not want toys brought into the lounge?

Start with frequent, very short, one-step cleanup sessions. Get a visual timer and ask for 30 seconds of a specific tidying task. "Put as many toys in the bin as you can before the timer runs out and then we'll head to the the park/eat snack." If he wants you to join in then do join in (you can also see if parallel tasks work - you do another task in the room for the same time period). It's not a big multi-step project and there's absolutely no question of how long it will take because you're setting a time limit in advance.

When you're playing with him and transitioning between fun activities then practice completing small tasks together as a natural part of the transition by putting away one thing before getting the next out. "There's no room to play with this, let's make space" is a great explanation. You can even set this up by initiating a dining-table activity prior to a fun snack or favorite dinner and then asking him to clear the table with you so you can use it for eating. Again, keep it very short and simple. For now, avoid trying to get him to tidy before bed or when transitioning to any sort of not-fun activity.

Him doing a very small amount of cleaning up is better than you doing it all - the latter isn't giving you anything to build on.

I do still recommend having manageable some toy storage in the lounge rather than trying to ban them from the main living space entirely.

It’s not a good idea to be too hung up on keeping all the bits together at all costs. Kids need to be able to have uninterrupted, immersive imaginative play where their toys become whatever they’re needed to be…mine used to make massive railway/town/farm/jungle mashups stretching over several rooms. Bits of plastic cauliflower from the play kitchen got drafted in as extra sheep for one game. They can’t let go and be creative if you won’t let them.

OP, yanbu.
Not everyone is happy for every inch of their house to be colonised by their children.

It is very normal to try to contain the toys.
I certainly did in a room we called the Den.
They each also had a box with a few toys in their rooms.

They did tidy-up every day, which took a good year to train my stubborn eldest to do, but was so worth it because the next 3 followed his training.

We had an adult space that they might come into in the evening with a toy when they were small, but it was very much an adult sitting room.

Likewise with our open plan living area, they played with a couple of toys, but they were returned to the toy boxes.

It really is perfectly normal to raise children in a tidy, clean, organised house where the house is completely tidied at the end of every day.

This lays good habits down and all my children, now young adults enjoy a tidy space, even during their messy teenage years.

Good habits are worth instilling early if you can find the energy.
Their is a payback as they grow up.
Doing regular clear outs is a great habit too.

Asking “what’s an orangery?” is hardly cunty!

Honestly? This is just normal life. Little pieces of toys get misplaced or lost all the time and then found again. It’s literally just little pieces of wooden pizza toppings, not a big deal. You sound quite uptight.

The kids will gravitate to wherever the adults are.

Sorry you've been getting a hard time about the orangery.

It's a tricky one because I can see both sides, I love nothing more than sitting on the sofa on a Saturday with a book while DD (also 5) plays with her dollhouse next to me. Everyone so often she will throw me a little smile between playing. But the little tiny bits were trying my patience, in the summer we had the living room decorated and I was determined to make it better - we now have a huge wicker basket next to the dollhouse where we throw (with reckless abandon) all the tiny little bits in, which has made it much quicker to tidy that room now. We've also stuffed black pool noodles underneath furniture to stop toys (and dog toys) from going under tv cabinets/sofas which makes it a bit more manageable! For other toys I have a 'random' box where everything gets thrown and then once a week (sundays) we sort the box and her bedroom out together, her bedroom is usually a mess all week but Sunday she has to tidy it to get her pocket money, she moans about it every week but I just remind her that she doesn't get her pocket money if she doesn't help.

I get that this might not work for your DS, especially with you saying you're not sure if there are additional needs at play. But I just wanted to share what works for us in case anything helps!

If you find redirecting him to the orangery works best for his behaviour and your relationship, then i agree with you, it's sometimes better to take the path of least resistance. As I often say to myself in times of need, this too shall pass.

Even if you're doing all the tidying up I'd talk to him about why we tidy so it helps him to learn the skill later when he may be less resistant. Maybe start a tradition of offering to do something together after tidying up then following through even if he doesn't help but if he ever makes an effort to help tidy you can be like 'ooh this is a great idea DS, we'll get done much quicker with everyone helping', or could you try redirect him to another more 'grown up' job while you tidy. Within the last few months DD has taken over the job of setting the table for dinner (she doesn't do a great job but cutlery usually makes it to somewhere on the table - even if I end up with 2 knives and dad with 2 forks haha).

I love my friend’s orangery, it’s better than our garden room …called such by the builders.

Stick to your no toys rule, it’s your house, and you will be happier as a result.

We had years of a nightmarish overflowing box in our sitting room.
So lovely when it went.

For what it’s worth, I would look at that toy and think, far too many bits and pieces there 😂

I grew up in a household where I had lots of toys and an absolute mental mother that wouldn't let me play with them. Don't be like that. Eventually the toy playing stage goes, try to make this stage a nice memory for them

we just put them in the box at the end of the day. They like playing with bits of everything at the same time. I guess that’s imagination for you, a bit of Lego and some wooden cars or whatever. Thin out the toys, and so long as it’s all away at the end of the evening that’s enough. We use the long hoover hose to get stuff out from under the sofa and a dustpan and brush for mega blocks , all done in seconds ! 3 year old twins will ransack the place but really finding the odd Barbie in your handbag is quite nice

I understand they can come and go - that's never been a question of mine. Its more - youre "commanded to sit there" - but do you?? How much time are you actually in the same room as their playing?

Sorry I see you already have boxes. But maybe these boxes will be less annoying in your lounge - they also come in cream! 😂

I haven’t RTFT as the orangery debate was relentless lollll so this has probably been mentioned, but I have purchased these boxes from John Lewis and they are brilliant for toys, very unobtrusive, and stackable - could you put two in the lounge and just throw everything into the box when you’re tidying up (encouraging DCs to help) and then you can just stack them out of the way in the corner and go and empty them in l’orangerie when you can be bothered? https://www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-felt-lidded-storage-box/grey/p111391502

They want the dopamine hit from typing something cunty?

Does he tidy at school, out of interest? (They'd have told you if he didn't!)

We have this in YR a lot. The ones who refuse to tidy at home find the first few weeks quite hard. We all tidy together. Those who do not tidy will have mess saved for them. Every kid tidies up unless they lack the cognitive ability to comprehend tidying (they get taught over a period of years then, but we still embed it).

Mine used to give it a good go at home, but was shit at it and it needed me to do a lot of 'finishing.' I used to put it in to one heap for each room first, which I found quicker. I also used to do it to a timer to keep myself focused. I can do a full YR classroom that's been meltdown trashed in 30 mins (including sorting multiple mixed up hurled drawers of craft things and puzzles) and a sitting room in about 10 mins if I'm hyper focussed on it. My sincere and honest advice, is just do it quicker! It's easy to accidentally waste time, but then you've wasted a whole evening too when you could have been sat resting...

I don't know what you are talking about. What "snarky" remark? I am quite new to the thread. Thank you for the information