To not want toys brought into the lounge?

Exactly what I was thinking! It’s crazy expecting your home to be tidy all the time when you have small children.

OP - I really can't understand why it's taking you SO long to tidy your DS's toys?

I can tidy away the toys from our church creche in 10-15 minutes. I pick up an empty basket and walk around the church, collecting up all the toys that have been scattered, hidden under pews etc. Then I take the basket back to the play area at the back of the church, put all the books back on the bookshelf, crayons, colouring books & peg puzzles also on the bookshelf, soft toys in one basket, duplo in another, Noah's ark in yet another basket, cars and vehicles in a box next to the road mat and everything else in the remaining basket. Job done!

That's 8 - 10 toddlers, scattering toys in a much larger area than your house . . .

(and I'm retired and suffering from arthritis)

It’s their home too. Just get a huge toy box and get them to chuck everything into it at night. And in twenty years you’ll miss the random bits of LEGO and dolly’s shoes or whatever as you look at your tidy but empty nest.

It's too cold in the extension coz it has a glass roof and it's winter.
Be kind.
To the children.

An excellent post.

@ohnononofentonyou need to get to the bottom of your own issues here.

Op I bet your orangery is lovely and I’m sorry you got a hard time for no reason x

Play and imagination is the very opposite of order.
Kids need free flow play to let their ideas run uninterrupted.

We also have one living space

@ohnononofenton I have read a lot of the thread and I can't see anyone suggesting fewer toys. Put most of the toys away, in the garage or loft and only keep out 5-10 things, games and jigsaws included in this limit. Have a monthly refresh. This limits the amount of mess that can be made and a smaller selection can mean that things get played with rather than just moved around the house. And the novelty of the toy swap each month can be like getting brand new toys.
Bringing toys into the lounge is just what kids do and you are going to have to suck it up. I suspect it is warmer, (because orangery, conservatory, sun rooms are just cold, even the really decent ones) than the other room and probably has a more comfortable floor for playing on. But also I don't think I have ever known children play in the play room it's more of a storage area no matter how inviting and child friendly it is made to look.

Separate from the family? Weird. It’s like saying no reading books or watching tv for adults in the lounge. Do that in your bedroom only.

play in the rooms they are allowed toys in…?

Makes you wonder what the dc do if they’re not allowed toys in the lounge.

It's not about the kids either, it's about humble-bragging.

Bit shit to banish your kids to another room every time they want to play. You just need to teach them to tidy up.

When I was a kid toys were in a cupboard in the dining room, which was small and off the kitchen. But when my parents / siblings were in the lounge watching telly or whatever, I didn't have to sit in the dining room on my own if I wanted to play with my Lego or something and I think the average five-year-old would feel a bit lonely if they did.

But once it was bedtime or dinner time or whatever, it was 'Right, Bauhaus, you need to put all that back in the cupboard now' - so there were never bits of Lego or Action Man accessories or Spirograph stencils lying around getting trodden on.

My parents also had the rule that you had to put one thing away before you got something else out. I'm sure I used to moan about it when I was a kid but it must have worked because despite having two adults, three kids of varying ages and two dogs in a pretty small house, it was pretty tidy and not at all cluttered.

That sounds a bit joyless to me. I have small children so understand the mess they can cause, but it's their home too. Why wouldn't you want them to enjoy the communal space fully?

Mine choose to play in whatever room I'm in most of the time (which is lovely, I like that they enjoy us being together), it just wouldn't work to refuse to let them bring their toys in.

I have got an orange, lemon and lime in my orangery.....its actually the "breakfast" half of the kitchen repurposed for plants

yes that's what i suggested....OP could move eg a sofa and the bookcase....OP's response? "I don't wanna"

Call it what you like?regional dufference.
No on3 has a drawing room or parlour in 2026 unless a mansion...but if you want to call ypurs that go ahead
Estate agents say "reception" or "living" space
I call it australian "lounge room". After having australian nanny

Are they bringing them in while you're sat in the lounge on the sofa? I don't mean this comment in a bad way at all but maybe your children just want to be near you while they're playing and it's because you're in there that they migrate into the space next to you with thier toys? Might not be a conscious thing but children do this.

If you really want to sound upper class, and have an orangery instead of, say, a conservatory, then you really need to stop using the word ‘lounge’. Hotels and Inns have lounges, houses have drawing rooms, or perhaps sitting rooms, or, if you must, living rooms. Of course, such societal tells and rules are nonsense, but so too is the use of orangery. Unless, of course, you live at Blenheim or Kensington Palace… out of interest, how many orange trees do you have in it?

Your ds sounds rather like mine. He is a chaos monkey and used to get overwhelmed when told to tidy up. Same excuses - I caaaaan’t, it’s too haaaard, I’m too tiiiiiiired, I don’t waaaaaant to, with lots of theatrics and tears. Very tempting to give up and do it yourself.

But give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. It is exhausting but you have to dig deep and find the patience to teach them to do it. Break it down. Each tiny piece at a time. Bob, pick up that car in the doorway. Put it in the box. Now that pig, over there. Where’s the farm box? Look it’s here. Put the pig in the farm box. Where are the cows? Find the cows. Now put those in the farm box.

My DS is dyspraxic, and breaking it down to one tiny task at a time is the only way he can cope. He is also a drama queen, and has a lazy streak. He likes to have things his own way, and would become Little Lord Fauntleroy with his staff doing everything for him, given half a chance.

So in order to turn him into a civilised adult who doesn’t expect everyone to run around after him, we have to make him do these things. Steal ourselves against the tears, the drama, and patiently keep saying pick up the cow, pick up your pants, pick up your school bag, put your cup in the dishwasher.

It is endlessly tiring and maddening. But the alternative is an entitled child who has everything done for him, and we all know the sort of adults those children turn into.

My autistic son is 8 and the same still. Its going to take ages I can't do it etc. I tell him you can complete a switch game you can tidy up your room and pick up some laundry. My kids used to love having toy versions of my items like a Hoover sweeping brush, mop. They'd love to help me tidy but my son was always a bit lazier. I really struggle with mess but I basically have trained my kids to help.

I'm a single parent so if I don't have my house tidy before bed I'm waking up to mess which is my nightmare. I manage to have the house spotless and toys away by 7:30pm just in time for my youngest bedtime. My children need guidance and reminding but they know mummy will remove any toys left on the floor at night. My kids do bring their toys everywhere in the house and are definitely living room children, which is fine but they have to help me clean up too.

You have to be firm eg if you can't help me put these toys away they'll be donated. Then set a timer and anything left out goes in a black bag. He will likely cry but that's when you could give him one more chance to help put them away properly before they do get donated. Following through with consequences is really important too don't just say I'm going to do this, do it but also allow a chance or two to fix the situation. That should teach him you're serious. Remove his device(if he has one) if he hasn't helped clean up and he can earn it back for tomorrow.

My kids liked to play near me and show me their toys. They’d carry them around, following me and chatting. I don’t know how you’re going to confine all toys to certain rooms?! Perhaps encourage tidy up time before lunch and their bed time.

And yes we did have a ‘play room’ (it’s a Victorian house so guess the correct term would be back parlour!) but I saw it as the toy storage room really as they never stayed in there.

But at the end of the day all the toys would go back in their boxes back into the play room, so the main living room was nice and clutter free for the evening.

The main rule I had was play dough, paint, messy play etc had to be in the kitchen only.

Your child just wants to be with you whilst they play. They want to show you what they are playing with and engage with you.

just get them to put them away after.

My living room is generally clutter free - because I have teenagers now who are in their rooms or on screens or hanging out with friends. I do feel nostalgic for some of the toys, like the dolls house with all the tiny furniture! I loved that.

OP the toy phase is not for ever. I like a tidy house, but I also wanted my children to feel relaxed in their own home.

My solution was toy boxes / baskets (children’s toys should be robust enough to survive being put in a toy box, if they aren’t then they are not good quality, or not age appropriate).
I had a load of IKEA boxes for different types of toys eg a cars box, a dolly box, a train box, a basket for dolls house stuff, a food/kitchen box, an animals box, a musical instruments box, a dressing-up box etc.

We’d get out a few boxes each day, but not ALL the toys. That way it was easier to tidy as we would just chuck things into the right box, and they would get less bored of the toys, as they would be rotated. I would get them to do some token tidying so they had helped and I would quickly do the rest.

I can’t believe it takes you 2 hours to tidy a night - that’s crazy! I guess if you are putting everything exactly back - but be honest, does it really matter if a slice of toy pizza goes missing for a while under the sofa or bottom of the toy box? Are the children really bothered, does it honestly affect their play - or is it you that’s bothered?
And if they are asking for a specific toy that’s lost then that’s a good opportunity to get them to help tidy up and look for it. They learn consequences of actions.

But children should be allowed to play with toys freely in different ways, just because a toy is designed to be played with in a specific way doesn’t mean they will use it like that. Observe any nursery and by the end of the day the toys are usually mixed up!

Do you think your son is picking up on your stress about things being tidy and in the right places, and that’s why he’s so resistant to doing it? If he thinks he’s going to get it ‘wrong’ and has to find all the pieces or mummy won’t be happy, he is much less likely to want to do it.

But please relax and try to accept this is how kids of this age are, and it does not last. Think about other peoples’ houses you have visited on play dates. Which did you all enjoy visiting the most? (Both you and kids). The tidy one? Or the relaxed one?