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AIBU?

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Original poster

FIL pissed me of

444 replies

Shakeyshakeybaby · 15/01/2026 14:19

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

OP posts:
LeastOfMyWorries · 15/01/2026 16:57

GasPanic · 15/01/2026 16:55

I think making the assumption all men like watching football matches is similar to making the assumption all women hate watching football matches.

And even if you like football, there is some difference between standing out in the freezing wind/rain/snow/mud for 90 minutes watching lower skilled people kick a football about from a sub optimal viewpoint and sitting down in a warm pub with a nice pint of beer watching decent quality football being played on TV.

This is of course without the 50km drive tagged on.

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probably more because it’s his own grandchild playing at a decent level rather than because he has a penis.

GasPanic · 15/01/2026 16:55

CosyJanuary · 15/01/2026 16:43

If your fil is in good health then it sounds like he is being mean to not help on this one occasion.

You’d think he’d enjoy going to watch the occasional football match.

However if he flat out isn’t going to help then you are going to have to be creative and make alternative arrangements.

As far as I can tell you’ve got three choices.

Your dd missed the match
She catches a taxi on her own and you find the taxi fare
Your older teen takes her in a taxi and waits in a nearby cafe

No one on here can make your fil a more helpful person.

I think making the assumption all men like watching football matches is similar to making the assumption all women hate watching football matches.

And even if you like football, there is some difference between standing out in the freezing wind/rain/snow/mud for 90 minutes watching lower skilled people kick a football about from a sub optimal viewpoint and sitting down in a warm pub with a nice pint of beer watching decent quality football being played on TV.

This is of course without the 50km drive tagged on.

Greenlandss · 15/01/2026 16:55

I hope the coach can do it.
Honestly OP, you and your husband need to drop the rope completely regarding your FIL is concerned.
I wouldn't want him around my children.

Stop doing him any favours.

Grizelina · 15/01/2026 16:54

@Shakeyshakeybaby fully with you on this. Anyone who thinks it’s appropriate to send your DD in a taxi needs to give their heads a wobble. I wouldn’t do it either.

As for your FIL he’s obviously missed out on a lot of the joy of having grandchildren - just make sure your husband is not available the next time he asks for a favour.

FoxyRoxyGold · 15/01/2026 16:53

Shakeyshakeybaby · 15/01/2026 14:49

Really not necessary. MIL had a knee replacement and has previously had spinal surgery. I wouldn't expect my 17 year old to stand in the cold for two hours. Where we live nobody would ever put their 16 year old in a taxi to attend a football match. BIL would do it but yes he is unreliable and I couldn't risk him not turning up.

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Sorry but I'm just hearing loads of feeble excuses purely so you can take it out on your FIL. If it comes to it, she'll just have to miss this one game and start from the next game when you're back to chauffeur her there.

Shakeyshakeybaby · 15/01/2026 16:51

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Lollypop701 · 15/01/2026 16:51

my response to fil fir next favour is you are sorry but you are going to lidl and can’t help… suggest he asks his flakey child

liamharha · 15/01/2026 16:51

Shakeyshakeybaby · 15/01/2026 16:24

That is really uncalled for. You know you are talking about a child, how disgusting. I have not asked my eldest daughter to bring her sister.

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Op she's not a child I think that's what ppl are getting at tbh .

Thepossibility · 15/01/2026 16:50

Ask BIL. Remind him the night before and day of. Surely DD has a phone and is capable of this. Tell him how important it is for DD. Ask him to put reminders in his phone. Sorted.

Chickadiddy · 15/01/2026 16:50

I agree your FIL sounds horrible, but there's not a lot you can do about that now.

I'm also joining the ranks of all the genuinely confused posters who cannot get out heads around the apparent impossibility of a 16 and 17 year old taking a taxi ride.

If you'd said the cost was too much, that would be understandable.
But "It's cold" " DD doesn't know the area" "people in our country don't do this" "DD wouldn't be comfortable"

As you've said there is a LIDL close by I'm assuming you're not in the wilds of Siberia or somewhere far flung and war torn.

If the match is so important to DD then both DDs should step up. Why should the coach and another adult ( or your FIL) be inconvenienced but not your DDs??

hyco · 15/01/2026 16:46

You booked a holiday and forced your MIL into watching the kids when you knew they both would rather not- having said they never offer and you've only asked them once before.
It's not like it's an emergency or health related thing. You're twisting their arm into it. I'd do as your FIL did tbh and tell you to sod off too

Hiptothisjive · 15/01/2026 16:45

Shakeyshakeybaby · 15/01/2026 14:31

Too far in a taxi and I know DD would be uncomfortable with this. DD only signed for this team so we don't know the parents yet and we also don't live where the majority of the team lives.

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As someone who has a kid who plays cat 1 football I totally get it(no holidays and being limited) and games can be two hours away for example. Speak to the coach. Do they have a coach going for the kids? They may be able to help. They will want to help your gather so may be worth a go or mention it to one of the parents at training about possibilities…..

Zucker · 15/01/2026 16:44

If the trip involves travelling on the N7 ( or equivilant road here)I don't blame your FIL for not wanting to do it really.

Original poster
Shakeyshakeybaby · 15/01/2026 16:44

OchonAgusOchonOh · 15/01/2026 16:37

How do you suggest the older dd does it? She doesn't drive. A taxi would be exorbitant (assuming the op lives in Ireland) and if they are pretty rural, it may not be possible to get one anyway. You are also relying on a taxi being willing to drive out to the arse end of nowhere after the match to collect them again which is not something I would be willing to risk for my dc.

Edited
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Thank you so much. You totally understand.

OP posts:
FOJN · 15/01/2026 16:43

Shakeyshakeybaby · 15/01/2026 15:00

I would not expect her to do that.

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Why ever not?

I left home at 17 and travelled 200 miles on a bus, on my own, to get to my new home. I understand your annoyance with your FIL but your children's lack of independence is a bit unusual.

CosyJanuary · 15/01/2026 16:43

If your fil is in good health then it sounds like he is being mean to not help on this one occasion.

You’d think he’d enjoy going to watch the occasional football match.

However if he flat out isn’t going to help then you are going to have to be creative and make alternative arrangements.

As far as I can tell you’ve got three choices.

Your dd missed the match
She catches a taxi on her own and you find the taxi fare
Your older teen takes her in a taxi and waits in a nearby cafe

No one on here can make your fil a more helpful person.

heretowin · 15/01/2026 16:43

OK, direct question: which country do you live in OP?

Bbnose · 15/01/2026 16:43

So it’s all sorted with the coach (well him going out of his way and roping in someone to accompany him)?

Original poster
Shakeyshakeybaby · 15/01/2026 16:42

Bollihobs · 15/01/2026 16:33

So it's "the equivalent of Liverpool to Manchester" (55km) Eh??

I'd pictured you rural with all the issues of "taxis not an option here" stuff but now you're city centre? And going to another city centre? But in a weird country where 1km is actually 2km..... 🤔

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I never said I was city centre. Its a different county to where we live.

OP posts:
nixon1976 · 15/01/2026 16:38

Why can't she get a taxi on her own? She's 16. Mine have been doing that since 14

OchonAgusOchonOh · 15/01/2026 16:37

Oneforallandallforone · 15/01/2026 16:09

If the coach doesn't live near you, FFS just tell your older daughter that she has to do it.

I can just imagine the spiel you gave the coach - first weekend away in years, would rather cancel than expect eldest poor DD to stand in the cold, MIl can't drive, had a knee replacement, DD hasn't ever missed a game, she'd be devasated.

I'm embarrassed for you.

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How do you suggest the older dd does it? She doesn't drive. A taxi would be exorbitant (assuming the op lives in Ireland) and if they are pretty rural, it may not be possible to get one anyway. You are also relying on a taxi being willing to drive out to the arse end of nowhere after the match to collect them again which is not something I would be willing to risk for my dc.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/01/2026 16:37

DeathBeforeDisHonore · 15/01/2026 16:35

Or each km is actually two km because they've got to fucking come home!

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😂😂😂 people aye!

DeathBeforeDisHonore · 15/01/2026 16:35

Bollihobs · 15/01/2026 16:33

So it's "the equivalent of Liverpool to Manchester" (55km) Eh??

I'd pictured you rural with all the issues of "taxis not an option here" stuff but now you're city centre? And going to another city centre? But in a weird country where 1km is actually 2km..... 🤔

Show quote history

Or each km is actually two km because they've got to fucking come home!

Bollihobs · 15/01/2026 16:35

Imaginingdragonsagain · 15/01/2026 16:24

I’d be annoyed with FIL too. As it’s a new team for the 14 year old and might need a bit of moral support, I ask 17 y.o to go in taxi with them. I’m sure you do a lot for the 17 y.o so they could do one small thing for you. It’s not asking much.

It's the 16 Yr old that's the footballer not the 14 Yr old.

Whentosayitsover · 15/01/2026 16:34

Shakeyshakeybaby · 15/01/2026 14:49

Really not necessary. MIL had a knee replacement and has previously had spinal surgery. I wouldn't expect my 17 year old to stand in the cold for two hours. Where we live nobody would ever put their 16 year old in a taxi to attend a football match. BIL would do it but yes he is unreliable and I couldn't risk him not turning up.

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Could your 17 year old not go to one of the coffee shops nearby- that you said FIL would be able to go to- instead of standing in the cold.

I was with you at first but you’re knocking back all sensible suggestions of ways this really could be resolved.

DDs really could just get a taxi.
Ask BIL and hope he’s reliable
You really could contact the coach.

It’s a shame FIL won’t help but if he’s bee like this the whole time you’ve known him then it was a bit naive to rely on him.