AIBU - expecting son to pay for his own 'luxury' groceries on top of rent

It is a good salary, he’s an electrician. When he wants to move out he’ll probably find saving for a deposit easy.
At the moment he’s working and then travelling, I don’t mind him staying with us for as long as he wants.

The only person profitering here is the son, he has been bailed out financially TWICE presumably he hasn't paid that back? He has at least 10K waiting for him as a boost for a house deposit IF he learns to take responsibilty for his home ownership and currently lives at home with food and board for a subsidised amount with £1300 to spare each month.

It’s a lot if he is saving for a house

or

if no plans to move out, then it makes sense

You have a very limited view of what parenting is.

I'll repeat what I posted earlier:
"It's our job as parents to produce functional independent adults, because eventually we die and they're on their own regardless. The only alternatives to being a functional adult is living in your own filth, or being a parasite upon an actual functional adult (who will tire of being their skivvy and get rid of them, whence he starts living in his own filth again)."

It is not "dysfunctional" to teach your child the value of money. Teach them that as adults they put a roof over their head and food on their table before pissing their money up the wall on beer, fags, gaming and gambling. Teach them that as adults their relationship with their parents moves from adult-child to adult-adult.

I believe that the parents who do not guide their children into functional adulthood and instead facilitate an extended (permanent?) childhood, do their children a great disservice. An infantilised adult cannot achieve their potential, in either career or partnership terms. Unfortunately some parents prefer their children to remain in this dependent state, no doubt thinking this demonstrates "love for your own child" when instead it demonstrates a reluctance to cut the apron strings.

Yes, rent costs that amount. From a landlord who is trying to make a profit. Not from your parents 🙄

you’ve asked him to stop smoking and he ignores you
you’ve bailed him out TWICE well what more can we say
black bags on the garden path waving goodbye to them both see ya

when they earn and canr afford to move out.

He could afford to move out - and has done so twice, but come back.

On 1800 pcm, he would be able to afford a room in a shard house, at least, if he was careful with money.

I’ve just checked, and you can’t rent anything here for less than £750, plus your bills etc on top.

Still sounds like he’s onto a winner to me!

Why the snippy little comment. Darling son.

do people really have babies, gaze at them and think fuck yeah I’m going to profit out of this big time and recoup my cash when they earn and canr afford to move out.

irs so dismaying. No wonder so many dysfunctional families. When the desire for money is stronger than the love for your own child/

ask him to do a local room rent check and show YOU then get some utility bills and show him
£500 is cheap this is real life darling son

He is the OP’s child and he is being used as a cash cow.

Yep. That’s how bills work.

There has never been a situation where a quarter of wages covered all necessaries- what planet are you from?
I agree with bunnygrav3 £500 rent might be reasonable if it's a room not a flat- but not food, laundry, luxuries and EV charging as well.

Just because he has a girlfriend doesn't mean they live together. Even if they did it's still expensive. My DS and his girlfriend 21 and 22 in a lone bed flat . Rent 850, council tac¢180. That's £500 EACH before utilities, food phone etc

It is on the high side. Coffee, not sure about, I only drink Nescafé, but it must be annoying to fork out £££ and they all just get used. I suppose it’s like buying a nice bottle of wine and you go to drink it and it’s gone.

I think it’s 2-3 coffee pods a day, not a month.

I also think OP was using it as an example (as she mentioned him wanting large packs of fizzy drinks cans too).

It’s not unreasonable in a shared living space - regardless of “charges” - that there are some limits on some food items. I don’t expect my teens to have more than one can of fizzy drink a day, or to eat a whole packet of ham, or whatever, because food is communal and others should be considered.

He has £1300 spare each month and is obviously covering his smoking habit from that - why shouldn’t he buy some groceries also, if he wants more than OP would stock “regularly”?

Tbh I think it’s a sad state of affairs if you can’t buy your child 2/3 coffee pods out of £500 a month! When dd gets to the paying age are they going to be as mean. She said they don’t need the money and I don’t think he’s costing her £500 a month.

And she also titled it “his own ‘luxury’ groceries” (bolding mine)

I don’t think she means him to buy enough pods for everyone.

That’s not what was said, she said dh, dd &ds we’re having 2/3 each per day. It’s not for him to pay for them all.

How long ago, 1998? £30 a week wouldn’t even cover main meals for my adult DS, and I remember my DH being charged £20 a week in 1987!

@Lyraloo

because he’s having the lions share of them said OP

You’re all drinking the coffee pods, why should he pay for them?

@Catladywithoutacat

hahaha he’s not a child tho

Of course they cost money - before they earn their own proper wage. OP isn’t taking the payments from his paper round here.

The interesting thing is, if OP had started an “AIBU to ask my 23 year old to move out as he smokes in the house and garden without permission and never cleans up after himself? He could afford a room in a shared house, at a stretch.”- she would have got a lot more YANBUs.

So does that mean you expect your parents to pay for the majority of your expenses?