AIBU - expecting son to pay for his own 'luxury' groceries on top of rent

Maybe, but in the couple of European countries ive lived in the kids seemed to have a different attitude to (some of) those here regarding spending a lot on themselves etc while living at home.

Friends from further afield who live with parents for an extended time have a different family set up where its often expected that the parents will live with the adult children later down the line.

It is accurate though. Very few other countries have this bizarre culture of charging DC to live in their own home.

Young people already have a hard enough time as it is without their parents using them as cash cows in addition. It is no coincidence life satisfaction is so poor here compared to other countries.

Landlords have always profited from renting out their properties its not a new thing. I doubt there any many parents that charge rent simply to make a profit from their own kids. I know parents who charge a fair amount for rent dont offer to buy cars etc. and they definitely dont need the money ..also their kids wouldnt dream of.asking. Just as cost and worth aren't the same thing, the fact some.adult children are able to save on spending their money on rent doesnt automatically set them up for a better life because I think for some it definitely comes at a cost.

Im sure there are decent kids who live with their parents for free or very little who help around the house or at least offer to and who are genuinely saving to move out into the next couple of years..then the set up just makes sense.

But there are also others, and I've seen them, who see the fact they dont have to pay rent as an opportunity to spend all their spare money on themselves. To blame profiteering landlords and making noises about getting on the property ladder just sounds better.

But again, what local landlords charge is irrelevant as they are profit making businesses.

It is abhorrent to be making a profit out of your own son.

But again, what local landlords charge is irrelevant as they are profit making businesses.

It is abhorrent to be making a profit out of your own son.

Profiteering is charging an excessive price for something, especially if a person has no alternatives. She isn’t doing that. Wherever they live, this 23 year old is unlikely to find board, lodgings and bills for £500 pcm, and there clearly are alternatives, because the man has already moved out twice.

She may be charging him “more” than the additional cost to her household of his food, utilities etc. But that is not profiteering. Just repeating hyperbole doesn’t make it true.

Why should there be pressure to ‘move out’ and start funding a landlord’s profit if staying at home works?

No, sure, you do you. Your dc is lucky if they want to stay.
But it doesn't mean its unreasonable to charge £500 a month or more or ask ops son to leave.

Why should there be pressure to ‘move out’ and start funding a landlord’s profit if staying at home works?

Arguably easier to invest money that isn't quite yours though isnt it, while being subsidised and having rhe time to do that. All power to him, great skills to learn but if he can invest ffs he can move out!!

Because it is perfectly possible for young people to understand the cost of living without their parents making a profit off them.

As I said earlier, DS1 knows much more about saving and investment than I do. He independently set up a stocks and shares ISA invested in the Spanish stock market, as he identified this as a growth area.

Parents don’t need to emulate greedy landlords to teach young people financial skills.

When I was on £1300 a month I saved £1000 of it but that was 15 years ago. It takes ages to get a decent deposit these days.

Are you seriously suggesting that with no kids, no other real financial commitments, you couldn’t save out of £1300 a month?

If you want him to save to move out, £500 might be a bit excessive.

The only person profitering here is the son, he has been bailed out financially TWICE presumably he hasn't paid that back? He has at least 10K waiting for him as a boost for a house deposit IF he learns to take responsibilty for his home ownership and currently lives at home with food and board for a subsidised amount with £1300 to spare each month.

Yep good post. My in-laws took the 'awww but he's our lickle boy' approach with my brother-in-law as he steadfastly refused to pursue any sort of meaningful career or attempt to be independent in the decade after uni - basically they facilitated numerous consecutive gap years for him. Now in his early 30s, with the cash having run out thanks to their retirement, he's pretty much stuffed and the in-laws are all 'oh but it's so unfair; what did we possibly do wrong?'. Basically they raised a man-baby and are now surprised he's a man-baby. The OP sounds like she's not up for doing the same - good for her.

Couldn’t. Agree. More. 👏🏻

You have a very limited view of what parenting is.

I'll repeat what I posted earlier:
"It's our job as parents to produce functional independent adults, because eventually we die and they're on their own regardless. The only alternatives to being a functional adult is living in your own filth, or being a parasite upon an actual functional adult (who will tire of being their skivvy and get rid of them, whence he starts living in his own filth again)."

It is not "dysfunctional" to teach your child the value of money. Teach them that as adults they put a roof over their head and food on their table before pissing their money up the wall on beer, fags, gaming and gambling. Teach them that as adults their relationship with their parents moves from adult-child to adult-adult.

I believe that the parents who do not guide their children into functional adulthood and instead facilitate an extended (permanent?) childhood, do their children a great disservice. An infantilised adult cannot achieve their potential, in either career or partnership terms. Unfortunately some parents prefer their children to remain in this dependent state, no doubt thinking this demonstrates "love for your own child" when instead it demonstrates a reluctance to cut the apron strings.

Yes, rent costs that amount. From a landlord who is trying to make a profit. Not from your parents 🙄

It is a good salary, he’s an electrician. When he wants to move out he’ll probably find saving for a deposit easy.
At the moment he’s working and then travelling, I don’t mind him staying with us for as long as he wants.