AIBU - expecting son to pay for his own 'luxury' groceries on top of rent

He should pay for charging his car as he is getting reimbursed for the cost of the “fuel” by his company so it is free for him but a cost to you. I don’t think I could charge my children for coffee. Better have a look at how much it actually costs you to have hi. There vs what he is paying. You sound a bit annoyed to have him there to be honest, what is the long term plan?

As you’re financially comfortable you should only charge what it costs to keep him. He’s your son, not a cash cow. Can’t imagine ever making a profit from my kids!
Agree on the coffee front though.

Agree completely.

He’s onto a winner. The problem is, he’s bad with money. Does he know what the £500 actually goes to, all the things he’d have to contribute to for a room share?

you've bailed him out twice and he’s still in a child mentality of ‘it’s not fair’ - take him through a complete breakdown of monthly costs so he gets it @QuaintNewt or he’ll flounce and you’ll be onto bail out 3. YANBU.

it’ll also be completely clear if he decided to leave again, what he needs to pay out.

ps - is he claiming work mileage for that car? In which case he’s getting an extra subsidy from you there.

He definitely needs to pay for the car charge electricity on top of his rent. He needs to pay for any of his own bills that are not household bills. He also needs to be paying for any groceries that he would like, that are outside of your normal food shop. You also need to stop paying for meals out for him and gf - why would you do that unless it’s a special occasion? He’s a grown man with a full time wage. Maybe he should treat you every once in a while instead. However, £500pm is steep. Is he a high earner? Is he saving for a deposit? Do you need the full £500 to survive or are you profiting from it? I’m 31 now but paid rent from 17 until I moved out at 27 or 28. At the end, I paid £350 a month on a c.£45k salary but that was rent only - I paid my own bills and food in addition to that. When I started saving for a deposit, mum kindly dropped the rent to £200. It’s all relative. What you can you afford? What can he afford? Is he saving? There is no right or wrong answer, it comes down to your personal circumstances.

I think it's fair.... but I would put some of that away in a savings account so when he does move out and needs some help with deposit you can lend him some.

I think the board is a lot to be fair BUT I absolutely wouldn't be buying his coffee pods or takeaways etc either.

just show him the bills and receipts for a year: all utilities, TV, phone, food and household goods bills, plus any maintenance (window cleaner, boiler service, car service/MOT, plumbers etc, replacing/updating towels, bedlinen, essential household items - all the usual annual costs of keeping a home functioning. Then divide it by 12 and again by the number of adults in the house. The only one I would not divide equally by 3 is any mortgage since you end up owning the home and he doesn't, so I'd charge just a nominal amount in rent. (Though presumably eventually he will own in, so it is in his interest not just yours to pay off the mortgage and keep the house in good nick.)

The amount it adds up to is what it costs you to house him each month.

He will be paying a fraction of the actual costs. If he doesn;t then see sense, suggest he moves out. The cost of renting plus all those expenses on top will make him realise comfortable homes cost money.

My two took over their own mobile contracts when they left school/college at age 18.

Recently dd returned home aged 23 to live with us for a year so she could save to go to uni the following year as a mature student. I only charged her £50 per week but she only worked in a coffee shop on minimum wage. She would often buy her own food, more luxury or niche items that she specifically wanted over and above the normal family shop.

Previous to that she had been paying £530 per month rent for a room in a shared house in London so she knew she was onto a good deal.

For those saying never to charge adult children rent. Many of us made lots of sacrifices whilst our kids were young to give them a good life/extra curriculars/put them through uni. My dh sacrificed his own pension etc for this. We now need to catch up. 7 years ago my dh became ill and overnight we lost most of our income and thought he would never work again. Thankfully that was not the case but parents need to remember that they need to put aside money for their own futures/retirement now our kids are adults.

My son earns about the same and is the same age. I charge him £350 a month which includes all bills and food, but he pays his own phone and travel costs and any extras / luxuries. I don’t have any choice but to charge him board as I rent privately and am on a low income myself, but he’s a very sensible lad and is saving hard for a flat deposit so I wouldn’t feel right charging him more.

I really can’t understand parents who charge rent to their young adult children, that’s really crass especially you are in a comfortable earning position 😳

He is on a total winner

£500 is totally reasonable and appropriate - particularly if he is being rude and damaging your house by smoking in it.

Stay strong OP...you are subsidising him 💐

I think £500 is a pretty decent amount compared to what most people pay their parents.

Your rent/mortgage would be the same regardless and so that £500 is for his food and share of utility bills.

I personally would keep it as £500 a month and include all meals mon-sun that you eat as a family.
If he wants extra or different then it’s up to him to go shopping and buy this out of his money.

Exactly. And I'll tell you something else, the sort of parents who charged their kids through the roof and expected them to 'stand on their own feet' from 18 or so? Among my friends, those are the ones who don't have much to do with their parents and are certainly not going to help them in their old age. Be careful what you wish for.

My parents charged my 10% so that sounds a lot to me. The only way I’d feel comfortable would be if I was putting half of it away every month to give him as a lump sum when he moved out.

YABU. That's a lot to charge your child rent IMO.

YANBU He's a cheeky sod, more so given your most recent update. I'd be mortified, if I was his GF.

Have you tried to teach him about budgeting/finances?

My son is the same age. He earns approx £32,000 has a flat £750 per month, plus utilities, food .. and he runs his car. He has had to learn to budget and I think your son should too.

@Sasasku “And in. fairness … I rent the house I owned before I met DH out. It’s £850 a month for the entire three bed house. So £500 is a lot for a room, even though it includes board etc.”

I suppose it depends where the OP lives -we’re paying £750 pcm for a 3-bed terrace, but in London and the south east that would probably only get you a room in a shared house.

If he’s claiming his EV costs back via work then he most definitely should be passing this onto you, or at the very least the cost of the extra electricity. I have an EV and even though I get cheap electric overnight, and it’s cheaper than petrol, it’s still not free.

As for extras, again yes he should be buying his own.

He’s out of order smoking in your home. If he can afford to smoke he’s not hard up!

Definitely don't reduce his rent. He's an adult he needs to understand money and how much things cost.
You could put some of the rent aside in a savings account for him and gift it to him when he needs it e.g. buying a property?

The rule of thumb is 30% on housing. He is getting more for his money than that. He can afford extras.

Is that rent including council tax, utility bills, internet , tv etc ?

Hmm, your update shows that he’s not great with money!