AIBU - expecting son to pay for his own 'luxury' groceries on top of rent

Hang on.. so if I move back in with my mum, and take my teenagers, can my mum charge them board and lodgings once they are working? Or does the free ride keep on going down the generations?

ETA question for @SilkySquirrel - not that she’ll answer!

It's worse than that - your council tax jumps by over 33% if another adult moves in. If the full tax was £100, then with the discount it's £75. If it increases back to £100 again it's risen by 25/75 x 100 = 33.333...%, or a third.

basically @SilkySquirrel wants women in the UK chained to the sink in a role of servitude from
the minute they have a child until the day they die. It’s very depressing.

Not the point of the thread I know, but £150 a month on Nespresso pods? That bit is nuts on its own. Spend £500 on a bean-to-cup machine. You'll save the money back in a few months.

In terms of the bigger picture, YANBU. Even if your DS's £500 a month includes meals, he needs to be paying for any extra luxuries - packs of drinks, snacks etc - himself. Don't think of it in terms of expecting/making him pay. Just think of it as you providing what you provide/ If he wants anything else he will naturally need to buy it himself like any adult.

Brilliant thinking!

Be sure to never tidy up after yourself and take up a smelly and expensive hobby - if you don’t fancy smoking, buy some designer perfumes to go with your handbags and spray them everywhere

Colour me shocked

@SilkySquirrel

you haven’t answered any of my questions 🙄

I'm in my early 50's. My parents are in their early 70s and still work. Maybe I should move in with them and save some money. I can then buy lots of designer handbags and they can keep me.

It’s nothing to do with ‘paying your way’. It’s about putting a stop to the exploitation and profit-making.

@SilkySquirrel

what about the quality of life of their parents?? Or do they not matter?

also im not sure why paying your way and cooking and cleaning for yourself when you’re an adult is viewed as as such a hardship by you? It’s just life! It what you do when you grow up. Do you not do these things for yourself, or do you rely on your parents to do it all for you?

Yes, one reason why quality of life in the U.K. is dreadful for young people.

I generally support inter-generational living as an alternative to care homes where possible.

In the OP’s case though, I hope her DS charges her for every penny of assistance required when she is older.

Want a run into town? That’ll be the price of the taxi fare there and back (and booking fee). Plus the cost of a carer’s wage for accompanying her round the shops.

Yeah my partners dad is 97. Should be still be paying for his 70 year old daughter

@SilkySquirrel

but we’re not in another country… in the UK generally people don’t want their offspring to live with them forever. Women these days don’t wanna sign up to be an unpaid skivvy for their offspring until the day they die! Why do you think that is ok? Internalised misogyny??

It certainly doesn’t stop them in other countries…

How can charging board and lodgings to adult DC be both “a culture” and an “extreme minority view”?

<appreciates that my queries will never be answered by the poster in question>

@SilkySquirrel

but then no one would have kids if they had to look after the kids when they are adults the same as they did when kids. No one wants to be 70 plus years of age and subsidising an adult son/daughter and cooking and cleaning up after them. People will just not bother having kids because it’s too much.

It's unthinkable in other cultures to put your parents in care homes also

And I see you ignored the fact that none ( and many peoples) council tax jumps by 25% if adult child moves in

Because the ultimate aim should be to put a stop to this nonsensical culture, which would be unthinkable in the vast majority of other countries.

My council tax jumps up 25,% as I lose discount if another adult lived there so it's not the same

Why 45,% anyway?

Or its a reverse and OP and SS are one and the same.

I can't anymore.
100% convinced SilkySquirrel is a teen/young adult/OP's son and couldn't care less what they think.
Wheres OP at?

What?

If we all accept that people who earn more pay more tax, does your logic follow that the government would like to earn less, as it’s economically undesirable?

Same for owning bigger properties, or properties in “nicer” areas?

I adore my 4dc but don't want them to live with me forever! I also hope they have enough respect to make good the extra costs of them living at home if they are earning a reasonable wage. The summer of 2024 ds was still at university but working during the holiday giving me £30 a week (he was still paying rent at his student home). He then became very ill, almost died and was in intensive care for a week. When he got home I obviously looked after him, fed him (he eats a lot) and didn't expect him to return to work to pay his board. We are on UC, the cost of an extra mouth is a stretch, I think £500 is too high but I think the OP wants him out so that is her justification.

I don’t think the point was missed throughout the thread, but some posters only want to vilify the parents…