AIBU - expecting son to pay for his own 'luxury' groceries on top of rent

He's taking the piss, it's time for him to move out, pay his own way and if he gets himself in a bad position financially he needs to get himself out of it.

You're enabling him to be a huge man child, he isn't going to want to grow up and move out because he has it very good at home. Time to put yourself and your DH first.

Couldn’t imagine charging my kids this if I was comfortable. Are you putting it away and saving it for him in a 5% interest acc would be a good idea

Your doing the right thing, life is expensive! Or else he will get a massive shock when he moves out.

£1800 salary after tax is a lot of money for most people. And £1300 a month to spend on whatever he likes, imagine that as a disposable income, most people could only dream!

I will never understand this aspect of British culture. I contributed to my family out of my own choice because they needed it in my twenties but never would I charge my child money if I didn’t need to.

Stop funding the extras- including outings and most especially GF. Get him to sign a contract agreeing to basic house rules and extra contributions to power, food, heating, etc, as well as basic housekeeping - own clothes, bathroom and toilet, room clean, bed made and sheets and towels washed. (Chores done in a timely manner that doesn’t inconvenience other members of household.) Write in the contract that he will be given thirty day’s notice to vacate the premises if he gets three strikes.

I think you’re charging quite a bit tbh.
i get it’s a life lesson but my parents never charged any of us anything like £500 and I don’t know any friends who paid that much.
I know on mn it’s the done thing but it sounds a lot to me. My mortgage on my house is only a bit more than that 😂 (yes I know it’s a small mortgage by current standards but still)

I think £500 is a lot but I do think he should pay for coffee pods. Ds is 22 and moved out last month. He wasn't on a great salary as he was an intern (£14 an hour) and he paid about £150 a month - we are on universal credit. Ds is paying £480 for a house share now which includes all bills and a cleaner. His work has a subsidised canteen so he can get a 2 course meal for between £3 and £4. Ds is saving to buy a house eventually and his take home pay is about £2700 with his new job.

Of course he should buy his own luxury food otherwise he’s never going to understand the value of money and that chucking money away on expensive food items that aren’t great for health, environment or pocket isn’t great.

OP the issue and hard decision isn’t the money, it’s his level of disrespect for you both.

Kids will always think the amount they pay is unfair. The issue is his entitlement expecting you to do everything for him like you’re a house made. He has learnt that level of entitlement from you! You’ve enabled him and permitted it to happen. You say he will make a mess getting his own groceries. He doesn’t help around the house. You bail him out when times have been hard.

I think £500 is high. How old is he?

I would however be sitting down and telling him his contribution to the house hold needs to change. If it doesn’t he needs to leave and this time you won’t bail him out.

He won’t ever grow up if you don’t let him. He can clearly save and be frugal and he’s being quite horrible letting you pay his electric and cashing in from work. That’s just incredibly selfish!!

The £350 my son pays me covers all food share of council tax and electricity bill plus water rates. I am on a modest income. Out of his £1800 net income he pays for his own treats own car and own mobile. For example booze ginger beer green tea he buys in bulk.

We both buy reconditioned mobiles anyway. Contracts are a rip off.

The £350 only just covers it these days. I don't expect to make a profit!

Did you read the son claims back this money from his employer so he should reimburse OP. He should not be getting it free from OP then charging his employer for the electricity.

Lol you are being financially exploitative

It’s an option that many parents take if they can afford it - charge adult children rent/keep as they need to learn to budget and prepare to live independently and pay their own way.

Once they have learnt these skills, and are ready to get on the housing ladder, parents may choose to help with a deposit/lump sum. It’s not compulsory. If adult child has been paying their own way for a period of some years, while saving to get on property ladder, then they will have no expectation of parent having saved their ‘rent’. They will have already learned the necessary adulting skills, giving them a one off lump sum for a specific reason isn’t going to make them revert to an entitled teen expecting parents to finance everything.

To reiterate, it’s not compulsory but it is something many parents choose to do if they are financially comfortable themselves.

My son left home to go travelling last year after finishing professional exams. We agreed to him not paying ‘rent’ to us as long as he studied & worked, & saved. He has a LiSA he has paid into since 18 years old & has funded his own travelling. I agree he can do his own food shopping but as we do not need the income from him, I would rather he saved it instead & have amazing life experiences.

It's not something I would do, I wasn't charged rent so I won't charge my daughters. However if you are putting the money towards a deposit then guess it's just a saving scheme.

TheOPs son obviously doesn't save though as he's had to be bailed out twice already

I think £500 is excessive- my DS is on the same money as yours, he pays £150 a month (whether its a 4/5 week month) he pays for his phone and any take aways etc. He pays £500 -£700 directly into a savings account every month too. I would rather he saved than paid us high levels of rent.

Well it seems 500. Is small if you are given it but big if you have to pay it

What does that have to do with anything? There’s no equivalence whatsoever between the two situations.

Lol om a thread about how MUch SAHM have for themselves to spend it's considered far too little by most people.

You sound pretty horrible to be fair. £500 a month plus weekend meals, coke, coffee and his electric for charging his car? That’s a lot

Isn't it just as obscene for ADULT children to be using their parents money for treats for themselves? Surely it should work both ways,
If you are a family then all the adults should pay equally towards household costs ( minus a mortgage)

Ok. Personally, I think this is a pretty extreme position if they are in their 30s, but each to her own.

Good night.

I know, @SilkySquirrel. My DD (20) told me how much she has saved up from her p-t jobs and I was amazed, she’s better at making her money grow than I am!