AIBU - expecting son to pay for his own 'luxury' groceries on top of rent

With a disposable income of £1,800, his lifestyle appears unaffordable. Nespresso is a luxury expense, and I do not believe his current income would support it if he were not living with you. I also think you are charging too little for what you provide him.

@SilkySquirrel

i believe that adults should contribute to the running of the house in which they live, regardless of whether or not they smoke.

@Cherrytree86

So you believe parents should steal DCs’ money from them if they choose to smoke? 😂

@SilkySquirrel

yeah, yeah, we get it! You would be happy for your son to stay living with you until he’s 54 and contribute nothing, to clean up after him, smile indulgently while he spunks his wages on cigs and whatever other shite, and spend all your own wages on coffee pods for him or whatever else he fancied. You are a superior mother!

@QuaintNewt Would you be willing to share how much of his contribution is spent on household bills and food, etc.?

Why oh why do so many parents on this website let their adult kids walk all over them?

It’s time for him to pay himself for his treats, clean up after himself or you should kick his lazy arse out and he finds himself back out in the real world. You TELL him what he has to do, don’t ask. You are a mug for cleaning up after him, he’s an embarrassment.

I guess we can agree to disagree 🙂

His parents are profiting enough from him without making him pay for his own coffee too.

If I were him, I’d make sure to charge them for every penny of help they may need when they’re older at the full pride they’d pay to a care company.

They want taken to the supermarket? That’ll be a carer’s wage costs at say £18 an hour, plus petrol costs of course. And wear and tear on the car. And insurance costs…

@DrMadelineMaxwell Well done your DD, she’ll be in a great position in a few years. 👏

DS1 was in catered halls at uni, which included all meals (which the OP’s DS doesn’t get), weekly cleaning and all bills.

We didn’t pay much more than £500 a month for that.

But he brings home £1800.
£500 rent and £30 for EV.... more than enough for a couple of takeaways and coffee pods

Your area is very unusual then. Over 70% of 21 year old males in the UK live at home.

DD works and earns about 1800 a month. We charge 250 as we wanted to have her pay a contribution, but also be able to save for her future. She puts away 1k a month towards a house but it will take years to save the size deposit she will need as she will be buying on her own.

Nope, you are right. Anything over & above what the family expenses are, they're down to him, he isn't a little boy.

@SilkySquirrel this is a good point. If in the unlikely event she found herself struggling without her sons £500 a month keep she could get a lodger and rake in a LOT more!

But won’t be cleaning/cooking/shopping.

They could take a lodger who would pay more- and I think you are under estimating the cost of EV charging- could easily be more than £100 a month, as could the extra groceries. Everyone should look to their own finances , this applies as much to the OP as the son. But £500 a month for rent, food, bills and EV charging is ludicrously low- which is why he has £1300 to spend every month, which is a huge amount to most people in these times.

this is why it’s called rent it covers everything

Say what? Rent covers the rental of a room or flat or house. Everything else is not called rent - utilities, food etc.

Hi op I know rentals etc are expensive but £500 is enough to have him charge his car and a few luxuries this is why it’s called rent it covers everything. You are taking more than a quarter of his wages. If you looked at it and divided up the costs equally how much would it cost you all? How many live in the house? Would you be skint if he took his rent elsewhere. I’ve seen shared houses for 500 and this is his family home.

I feel like £500 is a fair amount especially since it includes all bills, AND considering you have had to bail him out financially when he's moved out before - I'd be making clear that won't happen again. I think if you charge less, he's got even less incentive to move out in the future!

You could say the household finances are a bit harder than usual so just not buy coffee pods/other luxuries, takeaways etc for a few months. Annoying for you in the short term but he'll either start buying them himself or not buy them. And if he does you can pinch the occasional coffee pod and he'll see how he likes it when the shoe is on the other foot 😜

When did this living at home until able to buy a home become a thing? I'm genuinely interested....I know it's harder to get on the property ladder now, but even 10 years ago I knew no one who was able to afford a deposit straight after uni or for quite some time after. In the meantime people lived in shared houses, usually a few before they were able to buy. The lucky ones were given something towards a deposit by their parents eventually ... but not for some time and no one expected it... they were in the minority

I look back on that time between living at home and having a mortgage with fondness and nostalgia..even though some of the flat-shares were less than desirable. Going from living at home to being a home-owner would have felt like missing out on a life-stage.

I suppose if so many are living at home in their twenties now, there are fewer people to actually share flats etc with so perhaps it's died a death.

If you were struggling financially, I would think £500 a month to be a reasonable amount. However, as you say you are not rich but quite comfortable, I do think £500 is quite a lot - unless you were putting £100 away as savings to give to him when he moves out. Of course, he is likely to pay more than that for less if he had to find his own accommodation, but you are his parents.

I think £400 would be more reasonable but he should pay for extras himself.

Profiting? How ridiculous. People have no idea how much things cost.

Smoking in the house, expecting OP to buy him takeaways, doing no housework whatsoever and kicking off so badly when he's asked that the OP has given up asking. How are these trivial issues? He has no respect for OP or her home

What do you mean by your second sentence, please?