I’m cheating what to do

Actually, when a man cheats, this place is all over the OW. They get abuse on an industrial scale, far far more than the man who actually cheated. We all know it's true. Nobody denies it. They just excuse it.

I didn’t read what you wrote but know that if a man posted on here about cheating on his wife, there would be many unpleasant words thrown about.

It is likely that this is a reverse and OP is a man but posting as a woman hoping they’d get more sympathetic responses.

I’m sure your comment wasn’t constructive but it’s understandable why many of us would feel upset over such vile behaviour.

There’s a difference between giving your opinion and being vile from behind a keyboard.
And while her husband may not “deserve” this you have no idea what he is like at all 🙄 or what the rest of OPs life is like.

People aren't "justifying" it by telling you to can the misogyny, or by opposing the idea of engineering an exceptionally horrible situation that makes a weapon out of the OP''s relationship with her children, just so that she suffers as you think she should.

The fact that you can't tell the difference pretty much nullifies everything you have to contribute.

Fair point. If she didn’t want strangers giving opinions then maybe not post on here?

sadly, no excuse for cheating on a partner that it sounds like he didn’t deserve any of this

Welcome to real life. Your displaced desire for revenge does not justify misogynistically abusing women online or making weapons out of the children of a marriage.

I don’t think you’re being very constructive with your comments. OP knows she has done wrong, she doesn’t need strangers putting the boot in.

Not at all.

just think folks should get there just deserts

Yes she should get pressured off strangers on the internet.

She asked for our advice and our advice is overwhelmingly that she needs to break things off with this new man or break up with her DH.

Either way she needs to come clean as it will obviously come out and the longer she does nothing, the more she’s going to hurt her DH and DCs.

You are quite right and I apologise.

no, I haven’t been cheated on before.

not bitter or hurt.

simply can’t understand how people on here can justify this situation.

again, apologies for the nasty words to the op. Couldn’t think of anything nicer to say.

What is wrong with you?

No wonder you want the kids to be involved and weaponised. You just love using cheating as an excuse to unleash your misogyny.

You have clearly been cheated on which I guess is why you are being nasty on here. You sound bitter and hurt. No need to call the OP a whore, totally unnecessary.

This 👆 💯 million percent 👏
This poster nails it 💥

Can I ask why you have stayed with your husband OP? 🤔 @ashamedclown

Personally I agree with this poster. You need time alone and your husband deserves better than all this 💯

If this gym guy wasn't in the picture, would you stay with your husband or still want to leave him?

You need to bite the bullet and decide what you want going forward. Only you can decide that. 😔

Edited to add, it's an awful mess but it will need sorting either way.

Because her husband only gets one life too, and when someone wastes the only precious time you have on this planet by cheating it’s fucking rude.

Breakup with your husband and do whatever you want from there, OP.

This is unacceptable.

You don’t have to do anything about anything until the time is right for you and you have thought about what YOU want to do.

Don’t be pressurised by strangers on here.

OP, you're doing wrong, as you know. You need to end it, focus on your marriage and if it's unsalvageable, end that too.

But you absolutely do not have to accept being called misogynistic slurs online. And you sure as shit do not have to drag your children into some horrible and unbelievably inappropriate discussion where you tell them totally unsuitable stuff so that they can suffer extra distress as a weapon against you... to satisfy some Internet people's displaced urges for revenge. Anyone who thinks opposing this is an "excuse for cheating" is completely blinded.

People are so sanctimonious. Of course what OP has been doing/is doing isn’t the right thing but life isn’t black and white and people often make bad decisions in difficult situations. The kids are almost grown adults and will have to learn to live with the face that their mother isn’t perfect.
OP as hard as it is you need to make a choice, do you want to leave your husband? Take the other guy out of the equation as the relationship may or may not last the distance.

What can you do other than tell your husband and leave. You’ll have to deal with the consequences of the affair with your children, they’ll eventually get over it. The one thing you shouldn’t do, is continue lying. Take responsibility.

How would you describe yourself then?

Of course she should have. The fact that she's wrong to cheat doesn't mean she ought to involve her kids in it further on a completely inappropriate level to weaponise them. I can just bloody imagine someone coercing my mother to tell me all about her affairs so that we can fuck up our relationship and stick me in a horrible position, and telling me it's right and good because my mother needs to be punished!

Some people are just so blinded by the need for a cheater to be punished that they don't actually care about the kids and their wellbeing, and they think the wrongnesz of cheating means absolutely any further crap is GOOD if it hurts the cheater. They also can't understand that sustaining this kind of appropriate boundary and not being motivated by hurting the cheater doesn't mean the cheating is ok.

I am grown up hence not shagging around behind my family’s back and trying to justify why I did it

Grow up.