Ex wife still has husband’s surname

You are VERY unreasonable. That became her name FOR LIFE, when she changed it. Divorce doesn't change that. And she was the first wife, and the original. It does not matter how long they were married. It's her name. I think you need to grow up.

You don’t sound like a feminist. Feminism certainly isn’t about dictating to a woman how she should behave, which is what you are trying to do.

But its nothing to do with you what name she uses. But even so I can see why you dont like it. But she might not like you being married to her ex and using his name which is hers

You’re the 2nd wife. They have a child together. Why on earth would a mother not want the same surname as her child?! It’s all legal. You need to get a grip.

This is ridiculous. Of course it's her name, whether she changes it on marriage or changes it for any other reason, once it's changed it's her name.

Your suggestion that her married name is on loan from her husband, never belonging to her, is the opposite of feminism

This true. Your name remains your legal name. If you change it on marriage that's also your legal.name.
You can use either, or both, as you like. I do. I have a passport in one and a driver license in another and use both for work.

The feminist in me thinks you're being ridiculous.

The name she uses, regardless of where and when she "got" it, is her name.

My family have always said the opposite. My birth name has apparently never "really" been mine as, had the "normal" order of things happened, I would have married and changed mine.

My brothers SIL didn't change her name on marriage and my brother insists that her name "technically automatically changed" and that she's wrong to still use her birth name.

The feminist in me is quite cross by your comment !

It's not her name! She chose to change when she married but she isn't now. She's her own person who had a whole existence before she married. If she chose to change her name, that's up to her but she got it as a result of being married. If she's no longer married, I don't know why on earth she'd keep being Ms ExH!

Why don’t you and your husband go by your surname instead? Problem solved!!

I never use to understand this but now as a married mum if I was to divorce I would more than likely keep it because my children have the same surname. Once their grown what would be the point in changing it back after all them years the hassle it would cause. If I didnt have dc I would 100% go back to my maiden name.

I'm 50/50 on this

DH's ex wife remarried using his last name, as opposed to reverting to her maiden name... which I thought was a tad weird, but hey ho. They'd been divorced 10+ years, but share a child, so I assume that's why she kept his name.

But if, after 28 years, your DH's ex hasn't remarried or moved on, she probably sees little point in changing her name back to her maiden name - and it isn't hurting anyone

As a second wife, you need to learn to let go of things like this

With my ex husband I changed my name back immediately as it was a relatively short marriage. I have now been married for 36 years and would keep my married name this time. It would just be too much hassle. If I had had children from my first marriage I would have kept the name. What difference does it make to you? It’s a real faff to change your name which might be why she’s kept it.

Just shows that anybody changing their name at all is a bit daft really

Wow, I’m proper cringing for you op; there is jeakous and insecure and then there is this. That’s a whole new low.

Yeah I feel like I’ve heard this before, that actually you never truly change your name on marriage, your “proper” name is still the one you were registered with at birth!

I never looked into the details though so I don’t know the specifics.

Maybe she just liked the name. Maybe it’s the sort of name she might have chosen for herself. And then it made sense to give her name to her children.

WOMEN OWN NAMES TOO

Ergo, the name she chose to adopt when she married is her own name.

<wanders off muttering swear words>

You're being a misogynist OP, names don't only belong to men.

My dh ex wife has kept her married name. Couldn’t care less tbh it’s just a surname and one she took in marriage, much easier when their son was little to have still used it and why then change it after all those years.
yabu

I've been thinking about this post and realised none of my my friends have changed their name back to their original one after a split.

I cant think of any colleagues or acquaintances that have either, although im sure someone must have. Ive even thought about my mum and dad's friends and they haven't changed. One has been divorced since I was a child and never remarried ( I'm 60) and still has her married name. Her ex has been dead for sometime now.

I think people just cant be arsed with the hassle.
IF I divorced id keep my married name, ive had it a lot longer than my original one.

From comments on here, most women DON’T prefer their own name post divorce, what they seem to prefer is to have the same name as their children.

Just realised you’re describing my surname 😂😂

Don’t be ridiculous!! Honestly, I never cease to be amazed by some of the bonkers things I read on here!

Agreed. Do you think it warrants a cobra meeting, or a call to the PM just to be safe?