Ex wife still has husband’s surname

How can you say with any authority that she's not the type to care about having the same surname as her son? Overthinking this might make you look insecure. I assume you're not suggesting she has failed to move on, after 30 years? Its as much her name as it is his. If that's how she's known eg at work, on her passport etc, I can totally understand why she cba to change it. Another consideration, not that it would be any of your business, is that she might have had an abusive father. If that was the case, I can understand why she wouldn't go to the effort of putting everything back into his name.

I went back after my divorce and didn’t change it this time.

I think most people do keep the ex h name. I dont no anyone that has gone back?!

It's the last name of her son! Our daughter has kept her ex-husband's last name only for the sake of her children.

Ex husband insisted I took his name and that our children would have his surname only. Should have realised then but when we finally
divorced, I had had this name for quite a considerable time as had my children. Politely, the ex wife has her name, by law and you are being very unreasonable.

We’ve been married for 26 years. His ex still shares his name. I don’t and never have. Frankly I don’t give a shit.

You’re being unreasonable

my mum kept her married name. They divorced some 40 years ago. But she kept her name to match mine and then when I got married there was no point

yeah. It’s not YOUR name. He was married before you.

Your feelings are totally understandable. But your husband’s ex-wife can call herself anything she likes. it is solely her decision.

i would have found it absolutely extraordinary, and very hurtful, if my step-mother ( or anyone else) had tried to dictate to my mother which names she could use following her divorce from my father.

She is entitled to have the same surname as her son. My SIL kept her ex’s name so she shared a surname with her kids. Her oldest son is now
over 18 and he’s changed his surname to her maiden name.

It isn't her ex's surname, he doesn't own it. She has her own surname, which she can use for as long as she wants.

If you'd prefer your ex to have a different surname to her, he should change his.

Yes you are wrong to be peeved and its none of your business. Of course she wanted to have the same name as her son and by the time he was grown it formed her entire identity.

Its not your husbands name ....its hers and her sons

Not your business. It’s her surname a lot longer than it was ever your surname, she’s hardly going to change it now.

I haven’t borrowed my husband’s surname for the duration of the marriage, I’ve changed my name and now this is my identity. I wouldn’t change it either.

If I got divorced I doubt I’d change my name out of sheer laziness all that paperwork - could not be arsed

maybe she just prefers that name ? If I’d married someone with a name I liked I’d keep it - would only ditch a nice name if the man was horribly abusive

why does it bother you ??

I hope you stopped posting after seeing the overwhelming response telling you YABU, realised how pathetic this is and are thoroughly embarrassed.

As I said before if she is not doing you any harm leave it her son most probably likes it as well and your husband doesn't care

Hear hear it's her name and her child's before you arrived and if anyone should be bothered it would be your husband but he doesn't seem to care or mind

Yes you are wrong to be peeved.
Its her name, when you change your name its your identity and part of who you are.
Regardless of how old the kids are its a connection to them too.
You dont get to be upset if your relationship is secure and as you say they have been divorced for 28 years what are you worried about.
I wont change my name after divorce it doesnt mean I want me ex husband back, its my name personally, proffesionally and I share it with my children. Its also a lot of aggravation to change a name and a lot of paperwork.

Given that you almost surely got your father's name and not your mother's, it's hardly the only patriarchal bit....

So it was important to your daughter and you that you shared the same surname, until it was more important to you that you shared the same surname as your new man?

Exactly she is her own person it's her name her child's name, she most probably has paperwork in her then married name let her keep it why get stressed about it, 28 yes come on get a life

Oh - you've had that too, have you? The wide-eyed expostulation: 'But your husband's name is your LEGAL name!'

I don't buy for one minute that any woman who has married, dropped her name and been through the hassle of changing paperwork genuinely holds that view. If you keep your name you need do precisely nothing - this is the default position. Given their very obvious first-hand experience to the contrary, I have to conclude that this is faux naivety calculated to put other women back in our boxes (and IME, it's almost always women who do this). 'Trust you to want to be different' is another common and equally groundless objection.

Different from what, exactly?

My husband's dad has been married 4 times now. His first wife passed away, but the other 2 wives he has been divorced from for years (including my MIL) have never remarried and still have the same surname. Nobody has ever been bothered about it, including his current wife. In all honesty if my husband and I were to go our separate ways, unless something really awful had happened, I don't think I'd bother changing my name either. I wouldn't want to have a different surname to our child and I honestly don't have the time or energy to deal with all the hassle.

Don't let it bother you, as long as she is not interfering in your life, plus it's her name and your husband doesn't seem bothered so why should you, maybe she likes having the same name as her son, if it was me I would change after being together only two years, butu daughter had her dad's from birth till her twenties and he left us when she was six months and she decided to drop it, let her get on with it it's just a name and your married to him

Perhaps not. Doesn't stop people like my MiL persistently addressing me as Mrs Hisname, despite the fact that I've never used it (and despite DH asking her repeatedly to stop).

But she's used that name, then she divorced FiL, remarried and took on another name. Can you imagine if I'd responded in kind and addressed her as Mrs DHName, on the basis that her claim is greater than mine?

She'd have seen her own backside from a mile away. I could have responded in kind but didn't, as I'd have made myself just as petty. But neither do I pretend the thought has never occurred to me!