Ex wife still has husband’s surname

She probably wants the same surname as her son. My mum and dad have been divorced around 25 years but she kept the surname to be the same as my brother and I. And she can’t stand my dad!

Weird thing to worry about. My husband's ex still has his name and I have been married nearly 20 years. I don't have his name. I have never really thought about it and don't care.

Even if you kept it simply because you liked the name, it went well with your first name, or you didn’t like your single name, I can’t see why it matters. The only time I have raised a bit of an eyebrow is when someone married a celebrity, divorced after a short time with no children, but kept the famous surname. 😏

Why would you care? My aunt and uncle divorced 35 years ago and he has since died but she still uses her married name. They did have two children but they are obviously grown up now.
Although I don't understand the big deal about surnames. I still use my maiden name my DDs have my name. DS has DHs surname (long back story as to why they have different names) but I can't say I'd care if an ex wife has the same name as DH. Do you worry it means she still has feelings for him?

Kept mine because my children have that name, 20 years later still got it

Non of your business. She can call herself donald duck for all it matters.

Maybe she likes to have the same surname as her own child whilst he was growing up and now it would just be weird to change it. Probably saved loads of silly explanations through the years. Even travelling with different surnames on passports might have meant questions in the past.

She's the first Mrs de Winter
You're the second Mrs de Winter

I suspect this is rage bait, but I’m biting anyway!

Fascinated by how you know if she’s ’the type’ to care about having the same name as her child? What ‘type’ is that? I double barrelled mine but I only really use my maiden name, I’ll answer to either surname both or none I really don’t care what anyone uses. I’m not ‘the type’.

There’s nothing about me to suggest I’m the type to care about having the same name as DD except the fact that I do indeed have the same name as DD, and that won’t be changing. From the fact that this woman hasn’t changed her name to be different from her son’s either, I guess you can infer that she is in fact the type.

I agree with everyone saying it’s her name, and hate this line of thinking that men graciously bestow their names upon us to indicate we’ve won the great prize of getting them to marry us, but it’s only ever on loan and not really ours to keep - incur their disfavour and lose them as a husband and you no longer get the enormous privilege of their glorious name.

Yabu

I kept my married name even though I’m divorced because I want to have the same name as my children. It’s also how I’m known professionally.

It’s my name now anyway, I don’t have to give it up!

She probably just wants to have the same surname as her child and also can’t be arsed with all the hassle of changing her name with bank accounts, passports, DVLA etc etc. it’s time consuming and costs money.

Of course it doesn’t matter. My (now) ex’s ex still has the name nearly three decades later. Never given it a moment’s thought. No one actually owns a name, unless they have a special legal patent.

Are you a bit insecure about your relationship generally? I can't see why you would care otherwise.

My Mum still has my Dad's name and they've been divorced over 30 years, it's her name, he didn't loan it to her when they got married.

I’m DH’s second wife, it’s one of the reasons I didn’t change my name, there are enough Mrs DH’s name about, including her and his mum, it’s also v common name where we live. They have kids, DH and I don’t and had no plans too. You are being weird.

A woman's name is her own business, no matter her marriage status.

YABU.
It's her name. Just because she divorced your husband doesn't mean she has to change her identity again. It's her name. It's her family's name. I won't lie, you sound a little bitter, which is odd given they are divorced 10 years.

Well if I was you, I know what I’d do, but I’m a vindictive little shit. 😁

Maybe she just can't be bothered changing everything, bank account, NHS, HMRC, driving licence. If it doesn't bother her why do all that. I did when I got divorced but I wanted to do it so it was worth the bother to me

As I've clarified in subsequent posts, 'gift' is in quotes because it's obviously not actually a gift that she should be grateful to receive - I used the term simply because it's the sort of thing that once you get it, you don't have to give it back!

He gave it to her, and now it's hers to do with what she likes!!

I obviously wasn't clear. 'Gift' is in quotes because it's obviously not actually a gift that she should be grateful to receive - I used the term simply because it's the sort of thing that once you get it, you don't have to give it back!

Because despite them being divorced as they have a son and his age doesn’t matter they are still a uni, the name reflects that.

What a rubbish wedding present! Hope she got some nice china and bedding as well

She actively made the choice to change her name, . It's not a gift anymore than her giving birth to their son is a gift to him.

My parents separated in 1987 and finalised divorce in 1992. My mum did not revert to her birth surname and wanted the same surname as me and mull. She also got married in 1971 age 20 so had shared a surname with my dad for longer than she did her own dad. I hope it pisses off my dad's new partner every single day!!

My mum didn't change her name when she divorced my dad. I was very young when they divorced. I did think it was a bit weird when I was a teenager.

To me, my dad and his family were my family not hers. She did eventually change her name when she married and had more kids. I'm fine with not having the same name as my mum and siblings

My mum has been divorced from my dad for 20 years and kept his surname simply because she wanted to have the same name as her child. You are being unreasonable, it’s nothing to do with you. You don’t have a hold over a name because you chose to marry. She can keep whatever name she likes.

Yeah, that's why I put it in quotes - because it's not really a 'gift'. It is however somewhat like a gift, in that you don't have to give it back.

I don’t think you have any right to be annoyed by this, it just doesn’t impact you.

But, as I’ve said on other threads recently, I do think it’s a weird thing to do. I never changed my name so it wouldn’t bother me if there was another Mrs/Ms Hisname around because it sure as hell isn’t my name.