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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask though I probably know the answer

88 replies

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 00:30

I used to talk to this guy we meet on some app at the time called “Ki he was three year younger I was 17 when we started talking obviously nothing sexual was talked about due to the age gap at that time. Fast forward a few years and our last messages to each other was 2023. He’s now deleted me from Facebook so I guess that’s a certain he wants nothing to do with me. I did think about him in that time but just had so much other stuff going on and didn’t message neither did he he mind. I’m tempted to message him for clousure but I guess deep down it’s not right. Forgot to say they had been light flirting over the years but never meet in person mainly to do with ne

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 15/01/2026 20:04

Depends when the flirting started

Laura95167 · 15/01/2026 20:02

How old are you? How many years we talking?

In 3 years you havent spoken to him, so why would you want to now? Sounds like your ego is just put of joint because he tidied up his FB friends and you werent that special. Let it go

Jellybunny56 · 15/01/2026 18:28

This was just an online friendship, it’s over, that’s it- that is your closure.

ForLoveNotMoney · 15/01/2026 18:00

He’s moved on in life OP, it happens.

You need to move on too.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/01/2026 17:49

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 16:05

He was a good friend at a point of my life where I had no friends due to autism

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But now he isn’t, and that’s a good thing because it was an inappropriate friendship at the start due to his age. So move on

Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 17:42

He seems to have deleted lots of people only has 28 friends and pretty sure he used to have over 100. People are making out like I was sending explicit pictures or asking for them it’s actually quite harsh.

OP posts:
HarvestMouseandGoldenCups · 15/01/2026 17:07

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 16:05

He was a good friend at a point of my life where I had no friends due to autism

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Right this is why you want closure then. Because you were a vulnerable autistic child and he was your social circle. You were perhaps less mature than your peers also so it felt more normal than it was.

Here are some facts though - when someone deletes you from social media it generally means they don’t consider you a friend anymore and don’t want to interact. He has moved on. He no longer wishes to be friends with you.

Therefore: Respect their wishes and leave them alone.

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 15/01/2026 16:51

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 16:04

It was random talk kind of thing I didn’t know he was 14 for while due to the nature of the site the likelihood is he was talking to people a lot older. 17 is still young and like I said I wasn’t being sexual

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Him probably taking to someone older doesn't make what you did any better tbh.

He probably has a child now and is realising a lot of things that happened when he was a young teen were inappropriate, at best, and is removing that toxicity from his life.

His deleting you is your closure.

MonkeyMonkeyUnderpants1 · 15/01/2026 16:26

You're getting some harsh responses OP. I will admit the age thing is slightly weird but I understand your position. I had some wonderful online friends (mainly male) from a similar age well into my 20s. Like you I would sometimes talk to them daily. But life just drifted us apart and phone numbers changed, FB accounts got deleted. There's definitely a couple of people I wish I could have said goodbye to but I think you'll just have to accept people change and move on and you can't always have closure.

Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 16:05

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/01/2026 16:04

Closure on what? Nothing happened, get on with your life and leave this person alone

He was a good friend at a point of my life where I had no friends due to autism

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/01/2026 16:04

Closure on what? Nothing happened, get on with your life and leave this person alone

Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 16:04

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 15/01/2026 15:38

It's pretty damned creepy.

Would you be happy with your 14yo child getting befriended by a 17yo stranger online?

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It was random talk kind of thing I didn’t know he was 14 for while due to the nature of the site the likelihood is he was talking to people a lot older. 17 is still young and like I said I wasn’t being sexual

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 15/01/2026 16:02

You were kids. It was an online friendship. He’s probably now moved on with a real in life relationship and removed you from Facebook as a way of cleaning out the past ready for his future. I wouldn’t be thinking too much into it and I would suggest you too focus on real life relationships rather than online ones.

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 15/01/2026 15:38

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 15:04

So it’s grooming to be friends with someone?

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It's pretty damned creepy.

Would you be happy with your 14yo child getting befriended by a 17yo stranger online?

Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 15:05

Thundertoast · 15/01/2026 08:13

Um, he's probably got to the age of 17 and deleted you after realising it was pretty fucking weird a 17 year old was flirting with a 14 year old? You need to think about why you didnt see it was inappropriate for you to be flirting with him.

He has deleted me recently he’s far from 17 now

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 15:04

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 15/01/2026 09:34

He has probably realised how creepy and inappropriate it was for a 17yo to groom a 14yo and decided to delete you as his own form of closure.

So it’s grooming to be friends with someone?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 15:03

Thundertoast · 15/01/2026 08:13

Um, he's probably got to the age of 17 and deleted you after realising it was pretty fucking weird a 17 year old was flirting with a 14 year old? You need to think about why you didnt see it was inappropriate for you to be flirting with him.

He was older when it happened and I was made of clear there was an age gap even when he was 20..

OP posts:
BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 15/01/2026 09:34

He has probably realised how creepy and inappropriate it was for a 17yo to groom a 14yo and decided to delete you as his own form of closure.

ThePerfectWeekend · 15/01/2026 09:17

'Closure' on something that never was? You're seriously overthinking this. Do not message him.

JanBlues2026 · 15/01/2026 09:12

He has probably just got a girlfriend now

Brightlittlecanary · 15/01/2026 08:21

I’m sure I’ve got this wrong but you talked to a 14 year old on face book, have never met him, then sex talked him as he got older, still never met him. He deleted you on Facebook and now you want closure on it ? Surely not?

TittyGajillions · 15/01/2026 08:15

How did you come to notice he'd deleted you, do you regularly check his profile?

AbovetheVaultedSky · 15/01/2026 08:14

What @Gnarab24 said. He hasn’t suddenly become magically interesting just because he deleted you after no contact for several years.

Thundertoast · 15/01/2026 08:13

Um, he's probably got to the age of 17 and deleted you after realising it was pretty fucking weird a 17 year old was flirting with a 14 year old? You need to think about why you didnt see it was inappropriate for you to be flirting with him.

MsTanyaMcQuoid · 15/01/2026 08:12

Sometimes friendships end dramatically with tears and heartache, other friendships just gently and quietly drift away over time. There are seasons in our lives - not everyone is mean to be a part of every season. Don’t make it dramatic when it doesn’t have to be. Let it go. As time go by you will have more than enough drama filled endings you don’t want or need. Don’t go looking for them.