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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask though I probably know the answer

88 replies

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 00:30

I used to talk to this guy we meet on some app at the time called “Ki he was three year younger I was 17 when we started talking obviously nothing sexual was talked about due to the age gap at that time. Fast forward a few years and our last messages to each other was 2023. He’s now deleted me from Facebook so I guess that’s a certain he wants nothing to do with me. I did think about him in that time but just had so much other stuff going on and didn’t message neither did he he mind. I’m tempted to message him for clousure but I guess deep down it’s not right. Forgot to say they had been light flirting over the years but never meet in person mainly to do with ne

OP posts:
JayJayj · 16/01/2026 14:24

Whyohwhy88 · 16/01/2026 14:11

Sure if it was because I was a predator he would have deleted me before recently

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As I said, he’s probably gotten older and realised how little he would feel if the ages were the other way around. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be friends anymore. Either way get over it and move on.

JayJayj · 16/01/2026 14:23

Whyohwhy88 · 16/01/2026 14:10

Bit childish mocking someone like that. I had no sexual interest in him he was a friend if anything I’m probably asexual have never had a relationship. We would have been at school together it’s not like I’m talking a ten year gap.

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Where have I mocked anyone? I merely pointed out that had the person read other comments they would see I’m not the only one who thinks that a 17 year old should not be messaging a 14 year old.

I have no interest in your sexuality. It’s wrong. End of.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 16/01/2026 14:20

Whyohwhy88 · 16/01/2026 14:11

Sure if it was because I was a predator he would have deleted me before recently

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Why do you think he deleted you then?

Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 16/01/2026 14:11

JayJayj · 16/01/2026 11:49

Ha ha ha most of the comments on here are saying how wrong it is. Because it is wrong. Don’t twist things because I’m calling out potential predator behaviour.

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Sure if it was because I was a predator he would have deleted me before recently

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 16/01/2026 14:10

JayJayj · 16/01/2026 11:49

Ha ha ha most of the comments on here are saying how wrong it is. Because it is wrong. Don’t twist things because I’m calling out potential predator behaviour.

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Bit childish mocking someone like that. I had no sexual interest in him he was a friend if anything I’m probably asexual have never had a relationship. We would have been at school together it’s not like I’m talking a ten year gap.

OP posts:
JayJayj · 16/01/2026 11:50

Whyohwhy88 · 16/01/2026 08:32

Not blocked.

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Oh I’m so sorry. Unfriended you 🙄

Move on and grow up.

JayJayj · 16/01/2026 11:49

pollymere · 16/01/2026 11:20

It isn't weird or wrong for teens to talk to each other online. It sounds like you can only see friendship as something sexual.

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Ha ha ha most of the comments on here are saying how wrong it is. Because it is wrong. Don’t twist things because I’m calling out potential predator behaviour.

pollymere · 16/01/2026 11:20

JayJayj · 16/01/2026 06:17

Maybe he realised how weird and wrong it was for a 17 year old to talk with a 14 year old so blocked you.

It isn't weird or wrong for teens to talk to each other online. It sounds like you can only see friendship as something sexual.

Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 16/01/2026 08:32

JayJayj · 16/01/2026 06:17

Maybe he realised how weird and wrong it was for a 17 year old to talk with a 14 year old so blocked you.

Not blocked.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 16/01/2026 08:32

Mookie81 · 16/01/2026 07:47

And here we go!

?

OP posts:
Mookie81 · 16/01/2026 07:47

And here we go!

JayJayj · 16/01/2026 06:17

Maybe he realised how weird and wrong it was for a 17 year old to talk with a 14 year old so blocked you.

pollymere · 16/01/2026 00:00

So... My DS had lots of older friends online when he was 14 — all carefully policed (most of the time they just played Genshin as a team). I don't think it's that weird you were friends.

I don't see any issue with you reaching out with "just thought of you recently and wondering what you're doing these days". If he deleted you, I would assume he was just tidying up friends lists from a previous time in his life. I don't think my DS is in contact with half the people now. And if he's on FB, he's certainly not told me 😂

Solerina · 15/01/2026 23:53

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 15/01/2026 07:44

He’s deleted you, there’s your closure.

Don’t be a stalker.

This,

Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 22:52

Laura95167 · 15/01/2026 22:33

The thing is you keep ruminating and contradicting what youve said.

  1. I was 17 he was 14 so it wasnt sexual v it was flirty
  1. I had stuff going on and was too busy to message for 2+ years v had enough time to notice you were blocked on FB and checked how many friends and pictures he kept
  1. It was flirty v no intention of a relationship

Saying youre upset because you used to message daily when neither of you bothered for around 3 years. If he hadnt deleted you, you would still be not messaging him. So let it go

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When we we olde rot was flirty as in he was over 20.

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 15/01/2026 22:33

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 22:16

Bit of a difference compared to three years and over ten. I also had no intention of romantic relationship

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The thing is you keep ruminating and contradicting what youve said.

  1. I was 17 he was 14 so it wasnt sexual v it was flirty
  1. I had stuff going on and was too busy to message for 2+ years v had enough time to notice you were blocked on FB and checked how many friends and pictures he kept
  1. It was flirty v no intention of a relationship

Saying youre upset because you used to message daily when neither of you bothered for around 3 years. If he hadnt deleted you, you would still be not messaging him. So let it go

Catza · 15/01/2026 22:20

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 17:42

He seems to have deleted lots of people only has 28 friends and pretty sure he used to have over 100. People are making out like I was sending explicit pictures or asking for them it’s actually quite harsh.

OP from one autistic woman to another, you need to stop stalking him and move on. This is a classic rumination loop. I know it, you know it. Switch your attention to something else. Exercising helps me. Or petting my cat. Or calling a real life friend.
It doesn't matter what happened, when and at what age. It's done. Move on.

Original poster
Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 22:16

DoItTwoDay · 15/01/2026 21:35

Clearly you don't realise how inappropriate it was - but the fact that you weren't being sexual with the 14 year old doesn't mean it was OK.

I agree with a pp - I think he's possibly reached an age where he's realised just how odd and inappropriate it was which is totally normal.

When I was (just) 16 I went on several dates with a 29 year old. Obviously I thought this was totally fine, at the time and for many years after. It wasn't until I was 31 and randomly bumped into him and 'realised' he was in his mid 40's that it truly struck me how bloody weird it had been. It took me all those years to realise.

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Bit of a difference compared to three years and over ten. I also had no intention of romantic relationship

OP posts:
DoItTwoDay · 15/01/2026 21:35

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 16:04

It was random talk kind of thing I didn’t know he was 14 for while due to the nature of the site the likelihood is he was talking to people a lot older. 17 is still young and like I said I wasn’t being sexual

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Clearly you don't realise how inappropriate it was - but the fact that you weren't being sexual with the 14 year old doesn't mean it was OK.

I agree with a pp - I think he's possibly reached an age where he's realised just how odd and inappropriate it was which is totally normal.

When I was (just) 16 I went on several dates with a 29 year old. Obviously I thought this was totally fine, at the time and for many years after. It wasn't until I was 31 and randomly bumped into him and 'realised' he was in his mid 40's that it truly struck me how bloody weird it had been. It took me all those years to realise.

AngelinaFibres · 15/01/2026 21:30

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 17:42

He seems to have deleted lots of people only has 28 friends and pretty sure he used to have over 100. People are making out like I was sending explicit pictures or asking for them it’s actually quite harsh.

As you get older you generally see that the multiple 'friends' you have on Facebook count for nothing in real life. Most people realise that, in a real crisis, 2 people out of the 100 would actually be there for them. He has probably looked at the list and deleted all the people he hasn't had any contact with for years and has no intention of contacting again.It is no deeper than that.

Changefromsugartolard · 15/01/2026 21:28

If the age difference was the other way round then it would have been called grooming so it is a bit weird. I think you should leave it OP and look forward not back I get it though if things are not great for you at the moment

AngelinaFibres · 15/01/2026 21:21

Whyohwhy88 · 15/01/2026 16:05

He was a good friend at a point of my life where I had no friends due to autism

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Your autism is the thing here. NT people make and break connections constantly. ND people tend to analyse and overthink things like this. In this situation you need to let a connection that never amounted to anything disappear.

Okiedokie123 · 15/01/2026 21:09

Why? Leave him be. He used to have over 100 friends, he now has less than 30. His choice. He hasnt snubbed you specifically, hes just decided to exist in a smaller social circle online.

LIZS · 15/01/2026 21:05

He outgrew you and the app. Move on.

MMAS · 15/01/2026 20:57

Technically you are stalking him. Leave it be and move on with your life. People close down their accounts, it is their right.

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