Afternoon tea difficulty

I think your request is reasonable but you can’t bring your own food!

Why didn't you book somewhere else knowing already your friend is a veggie? It can’t be the only place that does afternoon tea?

Of course not. But if you say yes you will proved something to get the booking, then stop pretending that is OK or something we should support to change later hoping it's too annoying to then not go ahead. That's pathetic behaviour and should be rightly not tolerated by people going there.

The boot licking some people do is so strange.

She's bringing her own sandwiches to a nice hotel ? What a joke she is.

This kind of nails it: set menu afternoon teas aren't for everyone.

She may still want to come and join everyone, maybe order a cream tea, or a child's tea, but you can't force square pegs into round holes.

Set menus are round holes.

They are being unreasonable, and if you go ahead with the booking you are telling them that their inflexibility and lack of customer service is acceptable and correct. Why do you want to go ahead? If they are the only decent quality hotel that does afternoon tea in the area then they are fine to treat their customers badly because there's no alternative. If there are others nearby but this one is the cheapest then they are fine to treat their customers badly because you get what you pay for. Businesses function in the way that is cheapest for them to operate while still bringing in their expected level of income. YABU to be still planning to go, and YWBU to make the booking at all before they confirmed that they would actually feed your guests.

I have got her a Betty's voucher instead and we're going to go for a meal instead of afternoon tea. My friend can therefore pick what she wants from the (extensive!) menu rather than feeling that she's had to be 'catered for' specially. She absolutely hates to put anyone to any trouble and she really is restricted in her sandwich choices.

So we'll have a slap up meal instead!

It’s odd that they wouldn’t accommodate something so simple (and that they don’t have egg and cress - that would be my line in the sand). Hotels and restaurants do it all the time and it’s not uncommon for at least one person at a table to have a food preference (I say this as a former hotel restaurant waitress). It would be different if your friend said, ‘Instead of cream cheese I want caviar’ but substituting cream cheese for cheddar is well within their gift and is not an unreasonable request.

Restaurants are used to being asked for salad instead of chips, sauce on the side, no cucumber anywhere on the plate, cheese not melted on the burger, the beans not touching the sausages, extra mushrooms on the pizza…etc. etc. And why wouldn’t they? They want their customer to enjoy the experience, rave about it to their friends, and return regularly. If a cheese sandwich substitution is all it takes to get someone to drop £30 on a scone, a cake, a cup of tea, and a sandwich, then I’d be thrilled to do it.

You really can’t bring your own- they might chuck you out but they really should be able to accommodate. I have found afternoon tea to be a bit of a pain with fussy eaters. I’ll eat it all but have found with my kids I have to ask to take things like mustard out of ham sandwiches etc. My husband isn’t a fan of cream cheese so that also means I often get those ones as a default. I do generally always check the menu and have often asked for some tweaks ahead of time which have been accommodated. You have to pick the right guests for an afternoon tea. I’d be much better going on my own than with my family.

In that case, I’ve never had an afternoon tea where they haven’t offered more scones/savouries/cakes so if she’s so picky she should just eat those instead and if her friends really want her company (and I’m not sure I could be bothered) then perhaps they can eat her sandwiches and let her eat some of their cake…

Betty’s is customer focused enough to give your friend exactly what she desires. If you give them the heads up that it’s a birthday they’ll personalise a complimentary fondant fancy and present it with a candle.

I have eaten afternoon tea many many times around London over the past few decades. They have always been flexible and catered for vegetarians, vegans, and pescatarians etc. I would have chosen a different venue I think if possible.

I've got a friend who has never had a Betty's Afternoon Tea. I was going to take her for her birthday but then I realised that she doesn't eat meat, will only eat egg if it's boiled, will only eat certain kinds of fish and likes cheese but only hard cheese not soft.

I thought back to the last afternoon tea I had and decided it wouldn't be worth the money. I love a good Afternoon Tea, especially at Bettys, but I eat almost anything. I do love my friend dearly, and I know she'd be mortified if she could only have one type of sandwich because of her food restrictions.

Agreed. It’ll definitely lead to a scene when you rock up with a Tesco meal deal.

I don’t think it’s a vegan/veggie issue it’s out of all the fillings there are they’ll only have a cheese sandwich.

Please don’t take your own sandwiches!

I think the hotel could easily accommodate this.

however, bit wierd though that your friend will only eat cheese in a sandwich. She'll have chutney with the cheese, but no way cream cheese or something equally inoffensive...a bit odd for fully grown person no?!

For a group situation surely she could force something down, rather than making a massive issue for group harmony/enjoyment.

Both experience (I have 2 adult DDs who are vegan and we all enjoy going out for afternoon tea) and a quick google tell me that all ‘prestigious’ hotels offer a vegetarian afternoon tea and most a vegan afternoon tea as long as it’s pre booked, so I really don’t understand the issue here.

How do you know your friend won't be happy with the cream cheese and cucumber? I'd prefer that to plain cheddar any day.

Given that they do provide a cheese option, you would be very unreasonable to complain.

I think you're getting a hard time on here and actually it's pretty rubbish that they don't do accommodate Vegetarians better.

I went to one recently as a veggie and was given double the veg option instead of the meat which I also thought showed a lack of imagination. Mine was 2 egg sandwiches so even more cheapskate!

But when you say "absolutely anything," you do need to remember these menus are designed to have broad appeal. It isn't as though they are dried porcini and sea urchin sandwiches or something.

A set menu is designed that way, and with various choices incorporated already, for many procedural issues at the hotel (preparation, pricing, allergen compliance etc) and, while I appreciate that it can be helpful when they do agree to tweak, I think requiring them to do so is probably BU. There is no secret that afternoon tea menus are generally set.

I guess you could mention in the review that there was no capacity to adjust, but I think making a feature/complaint probably is a bit unreasonable.

FWIW, I have a friend who is rather fussy and I tend to find these requests are actually better accommodated if you ask at the time. I guess doing so in advance commits them when they don't know how busy they will be etc and comes closer to rubber stamping it as policy.

ETA also, I do feel that ordering off-menu has become a bit of a performative ritual for some people these days, riding on the back of better recognition of genuine allergies.

I would complain as it’s not as if a cheese sandwich is an obscure or complicated sandwich filling. It’s extremely commonplace and ordinary, so I don’t know why a hotel, no doubt charging a fortune per head for a few poxy finger sandwiches and cakes, wouldn’t be able to cater to a very normal request.

I’d definitely be annoyed and probably cancel my booking and go somewhere else if you can at short notice. It’s not just the fact they don’t do cheese, but also that 1. They already confirmed it was okay and 2. They do it on the children’s menu.

Whenever I’ve been for afternoon tea, they do ask for dietary requirements and likes and dislikes, not just tell someone they’re having such and such with no flexibility 🤣

she shouldn’t be attending an afternoon tea. Go for a pub meal or something instead.

I would definitely call again and ask to speak to the manager.
You checked before you booked and they're the ones who have changed their minds.

Hate to break it to you but they aren't made fresh. All afternoon teas are prepared in advance, sometimes the day before.