Is this quite common or would you also feel incredibly hurt by your parents?

Not so I didn’t have to feel shit, but for the same reason parents clean out the things they haven’t used in decades before dying- because they know I’m a busy full time working mum of 3 active young kids and our weekdays and weekends are full on.

Assuming it’s LPoA you may well have dodged a bullet, though I understand why it might not feel that way. Lots of people do the little sing-song ‘I will do everything for my DM and DF when they get old’ patter when they’re in no immediate danger of it and their parents are still lovely. Hang around on the Elderly Parents board, read some posts. It’s a lot of work and time to do this properly. Don’t he offended, be relieved. This means you can be ‘just’ a daughter.

As someone who's just dealt with three parents dying between myself and dh, I couldn't think of anything better. I think it was a very considerate thing to do.

"don’t want to put that burden on us, and this is so obvious to me"

I do understand your sentiment @99bottlesofkombucha BUT you'd rather the well-being of your Mum & Dad is legally placed in the hands of someone who has zero interest, knows nothing about them, no knowledge of their lives, how they parented, lived their lives....purely for financial gain?

Why do you consider it a burden?

It most surely is, both a difficult and heart-breaking decision to have to make for your parents, but from a position of love would be made with the utmost sensitivity why on earth would a stranger make a better decision?

So you didn't have to feel shit?

This thread shows how emotive the topic is!

Do you mean the Court of Protection, being a Deputy of?

Whole other thing.

I am going through this with my own parents right now. Either I do it or a paid guardian, or whatever the correct term is, can do it. And the alternative charges a pretty penny for it. If my parents had no children, that would be the only option for them outside of appointing a friend.

what pressure we are talking about since my mum looked after all her parents and in laws with some help. It is just life.

I haven’t even the faintest desire or inclination to help my parents with anything when they stop being able to help themselves so I’d be delighted if they did this (they won’t, they wouldn’t be able to afford it, but I still won’t be helping them). But maybe you’re right because I don’t like my parents so obviously that colours my view

Whatever the equivalent is. I don't know what it's called. There will be state people available who manage these things for people. And they charge for it.

They have both done it for their parents and decided they don't want their children to have to do it for them. That's what the experience has left them wanting. Why are you automatically taking that as an insult?

I didn't know this existed but if I can afford it I will 100% consider it because we are cracking under the strain of older relative care, and so are others we know. And at risk of sounding morbid there are years and years more of it ahead, and it only ends with grief and loss. And a lot more admin and stress on top. I don't want my daughter to have to go through this, if i can ease the load at all I will.

They’re doing you a huge favour. We’re dealing with now and it’s really quite traumatising

Yeah, sure. And the minute they don't like how the solicitor is treating them, they'll be complaining to the OP and her brother.

Honestly people, how can you not get this? And how can you not get how upsetting this is for the children of parents who have set up a legal entity without telling, or trusting, them?

A Solicitor can’t ’appoint a guardian’. No idea what this is about.
OP yiu are getting loads ‘my second cousin’s wife’s friend’ advice

I can see why you would be upset. your parents presumably have their reasons for making this decision but the best way to approach it would have been to tell you what those are.

Can you have a conversation with them about their decision. Ask in a neutral way what their reasons are. I'd also ask what the solicitor's exact role will be and also what expectations they have of you and your brother.

Part of the reason you are upset is that you don't fully understand their thinking and how it will work. It might be that they have heard about other people having a bad experience. Their solicitor may have advised them to do this. Although you and your brother get on fine, I know other siblings who also get on fine but have very different ideas about how their parents should be cared for.

Have a further chat with them

Probably, but the stress of doing this for your parents would cost you and your brother hugely in time and energy and sadness. I've just arranged LPO for myself and I'm groaning at the thought of how difficult it might be for them, and trying to put everything in place to make things as smooth as possible.
There will be so many ways to support your parents as they age and not having this particular burden will help all of you. It isn't an insult or a rejection.

"State guardian" is not a thing here.

This wouldn't offend or upset me, but I can see why it would.

Honestly though, I think you need to just take a step back and look at this logically. They've done this for you - to lessen the pressure. It's not that they don't trust you, it's that they love you!

I'd expect it to be a state guardian. The parents have chosen, in their capacity, to trust this arrangement, so that's on them.

And we're trusing that guardian, are we? That has been paid by the solicitor?

I would expect the solicitor will appoint a guardian and rubber stamp their decisions.

They will charge nicely for it, I'm sure.

Just out of interest - what do you think a solicitor would be doing in that situation? What steps would they be taking?

you are probably joking. Any decent adult child who loves their parents do want to be in charge

that is bizarre...how a solicitor who has such a busy life and time will deal with all the personal calls, visits, decisions and complaints that ageing parents put out. Something is fishy