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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

With DH Inflexible 6pm gym schedule?

255 replies

notaurewhatusername · 14/01/2026 17:05

need some perspective here because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is a legitimate frustration.

My husband goes to the gym at 6pm most evenings. We have a one-year-old, and this has been his routine since our child was born. The issue isn’t that he goes to the gym - I absolutely think he should have that time - it’s that he’s completely inflexible about the timing because his friends go at 6pm.

Here’s what frustrates me: 6pm is the absolute busiest hour of our day. Baby needs attention, dinner needs cooking, and everything feels like it’s happening at once. He’ll often head out without sorting dinner first, which means I’m left juggling cooking, dealing with baby, or waiting until 8pm for dinner which is not ideal. He does deal with baby in the mornings for an hour or so, but it’s the fact dinner needs doing at the exact same time.

To be fair, he does bath time when he gets back and does pull his weight with other household duties. He’s not lazy around the house. But when it comes to the mental load and the baby-related tasks, it’s not quite equal.

I also like going to the gym, but I schedule it around dinner time and family commitments. With him, it’s just non-negotiable - 6pm, every day, because that’s when his mates go. He says it’s the only hour of the day he gets to himself, which… I don’t entirely agree with, but maybe I’m wrong?

My question is: would it be unreasonable to ask him to either cook dinner before he leaves, or consider going at a different time, even just a few days a week? Or am I being petty about him having his own time?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Wheezygonzalez · 15/01/2026 14:41

He sorts his own food out, that’s what I would do.

TinyCottageGirl · 15/01/2026 14:41

God he sounds annoying, of course he needs to be more flexible when you have young kids. He should be helping with cooking some nights and going to the gym later (when kids are asleep). Not at prime time just bc his friends are there!

Voice0fReason · 15/01/2026 14:38

He fits you and baby around his life.
You fit your life around him and baby.

6pm every day is completely unreasonable.
How would he react if you suggested alternating the 6pm gym slot so he goes one day, you go the next? Let him manage that 6pm juggle half the time.

Pheebs87 · 15/01/2026 14:24

notaurewhatusername · 15/01/2026 08:31

@Pinkissmartno it is actually one of the areas I can say he’s helped with is the night shifts. I still do 60-70% of them but he does do them. He also gets baby ready most mornings and drops to nursery.

But it's still not a fair split as you are still doing more of the night shifts? Also getting baby ready to be dropped to nursery is again bare minimum of parenting. He's still not being an equal partner...... Genuinely I think you need to lay down the law here. 2 times a weeknight he can go with his friends you get the other 2 nights and maybe alternate the other if you need or you have a spare night to spend together? It's funny how he used to go at 8pm and now at 6pm which is also a busy time at the gym and a vile time to go imo if you want to workout!

Pheebs87 · 15/01/2026 14:18

RabbitsEatPancakes · 14/01/2026 20:36

He's taking the absolute piss.

He's avoiding the worst hour of the day. You have the possibility of eating together as a family and He's choosing instead to go playing with his friends- shows his priorities. What will you do when baby needs an earlier bedtime?

He can go at 8pm, why can't his friends go later sometimes?

That's actually a fair point. Did he go with his friends at that time too? And now have they all decided to go earlier? I can't Imagine all his mates wanting to change their schedules to suit him .. .

MikeRafone · 15/01/2026 14:13

Oh and as he gets back from the gym

head out, leave him to it and don't give him any information unless he asks

MikeRafone · 15/01/2026 14:11

seriously

id ask him every day

whats for dinner tonight?, what time is dinner tonight?

any other mental load - ask him, keep asking him

Floundering66 · 15/01/2026 14:11

My partner gets in from work between 6&6.30 - from 5.30 to 6.30 is the most stressful part of my day! Trying to prep and cook dinner with a small child is the hardest part of parenting for me. I’m often waiting by the window for him to arrive - the relief I feel when I see his car pull in!
If he chose to go to the gym out this hour I would not be impressed 😂

Summerlovin24 · 15/01/2026 14:03

Every day. Cheeky f*er
Share it. You do gym
/class whatever at 6pm 2 nights one week and 3 the next. Dont cook before and see how he likes it

Summerlovin24 · 15/01/2026 14:03

Every day. Cheeky f*er
Share it. You do gym
/class whatever at 6pm 2 nights one week and 3 the next. Dont cook before and see how he likes it

notaurewhatusername · 15/01/2026 08:31

@Pinkissmartno it is actually one of the areas I can say he’s helped with is the night shifts. I still do 60-70% of them but he does do them. He also gets baby ready most mornings and drops to nursery.

OP posts:
PithyTaupeWriter · 15/01/2026 08:20

DoubtfulCat · 14/01/2026 21:53

I suspect he likes having a family but not actually doing the work of having a family.

This. He likes the aesthetic of having a wife and baby, but doesn’t actually want to be a husband and father.

Pinkissmart · 14/01/2026 23:00

OP are you saying your husband rarely gets up with your baby?

Pinkissmart · 14/01/2026 22:59

Uhghg · 14/01/2026 17:39

I think YABU a bit just because I go gym at a set time and it works really well for me.

But he is BU to expect you to not eat until he gets back.

His gym time is making your life difficult so he needs to do things to make sure it has less impact on your life.

I would be cooking dinner myself and getting him to wash up afterwards.

As soon as he comes home you can hand the baby over and go to the gym yourself whilst he does bath and bedtime.

The issue isn’t regularity of gym time, and how convenient it is. OP’s husband is dumping the worst part of the day on OP so he can swan off to the gym with his mates.

WatalotIgot · 14/01/2026 22:52

Could there be OW in this scenario and that's the only time she can make it?

Eenameenadeeka · 14/01/2026 22:46

I think it's rubbish, not only because he's leaving all the "work" to you, but because most Dads are only home from work for 2-3 hours before the baby goes to bed, and he's choosing to spend the majority of that time off suiting himself rather than with his child, and then he also gets all the time to himself when the child is asleep too. He should be home for family time, and he can go to the gym when the little one is in bed.

NewYearSameYou · 14/01/2026 22:42

Do all his 'gym mates' have small children, too? Are they all like your 'D'H dumping the difficult after work/evening routines on their wives while they piss off to the gym, too?

InMyOodie · 14/01/2026 22:38

He's not going at 6 pm because his friends go then. He chooses that time to avoid the baby's most difficult period when he's not in the mood for it after work.

He's doing his best to continue living like a child free man and doesn't care if you are left doing it all.

Flailingaroundatlife · 14/01/2026 22:35

Funny how men always seem to develop a fascination for a new activity/sport as soon as their partner is pregnant/has given birth... usually that takes them out of the house for extended periods of time /every day /very regularly.

Mine tried that. After barely riding a bike other than for gentle, couple days out, he suddenly was a pro-athelite in training and went for 4 x 4/5/6h long rides in the 2nd week of our baby's life. On the Friday (after 5 days of this and 4 long rides), I said, "Come on now, what's going on". I think he felt he couldn't do much because I was EBF. He soon stopped it. I don't mind him having a hobby. But every day for several hours!?!? No way in hell.

That's the problem here, it's every day. Tell him you can both have 3 days a week and one day you spend together. And dinner is prepped before the gym goes leaves.. then you can go at 6pm, too.

AnneElliott · 14/01/2026 22:33

I agree he is BU. Who on earth can see their friends for 1.5 hours every day! No other parent I know gets this.

But definitely sort your dinner - no way does he get to dictate what you do after getting his own way with the gym. I honestly wish I’d put my foot down more when my DS was young. I didn’t and the resentment killed the actual relationship.

Nanny0gg · 14/01/2026 22:07

notaurewhatusername · 14/01/2026 17:16

i also don’t mind eating separate to him, but he insists on doing it when he gets home which I find is late and I end up snacking on crap. He says we used to eat late and I was fine with it but that was before baby!

Then eat when you want to and he sorts himself out when he's home

DoubtfulCat · 14/01/2026 21:53

I suspect he likes having a family but not actually doing the work of having a family.

carpetfluffs · 14/01/2026 21:47

This isn’t conducive to family life, although you often see women on here saying they do similar. Personally I don’t see how both partners can be in the gym in the evenings when you should be eating together and as dc grow up they will have their own activities they will want dropping off at etc.

casualobserver2026 · 14/01/2026 21:43

JHound · 14/01/2026 21:41

Some women’s bars are in Hades….

Yup. There's always at least one who limbo dances under the bar in order not to mildly annoy de menz. Tammy Wynette had nothing on mumsnet 😅

JHound · 14/01/2026 21:41

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/01/2026 20:27

🙄

Some women’s bars are in Hades….