With DH Inflexible 6pm gym schedule?

I think that you should be aiming to eat together as a family.

Gyna can wait or be rearranged. Family meals come first. There’s something kind of wrong and disconnected about not eating together some of the time.

I kind of see your husband’s side….. As long as you’re getting your hour each day as well. Or take it in turns to go to the gym at six. It is a wonderful stress reliever for both of you. Why don’t you use a slow cooker and batch cook huge quantities of ragu you can freeze in individual portions? If you’re doing all the cooking he should do all the clearing up. Does your gym open early? Maybe one of you could go before work?

@notaurewhatusername

Very frustrating! I think he’s being a bit of a dick, and not just about the gym thing either!

Not much advice to add, lots been given already. But I would say go for eating separately and when suits you and baby. Someone needs to eat with baby, that’s how they learn table manners etc.. If he’s not willing… shame, as when they get older, dinner time is a really important time for the social development and family bonding. He’s making his choice…

He can sort himself out or reheat later on. Whatever he prefers 🙄 Whatever, frankly. I’d probably stop caring…

Good luck!

Erm I totally get your frustration and it’s totally valid. Been there done that with the whole juggling the witching hour like it has had me sobbing to myself quietly on many occasions.

But after one failed marriage and remarrying, I’ve learned from my own mistakes first time round. I am personally glad my first marriage broke down (it had nothing to do with the juggling family life he often tripped and found himself in other women 🤷🏻‍♀️ oh well it all worked out for the best for me in the long run😂 ) but I with a lot of self reflecting I of course wasn’t perfect, I have learnt to appreciate what my now husband does instead of pushing for more something I failed at first time round. Reason I say this is because you are right to feel frustrated it’s frustrating juggling it’s not easy but you have said many good thoughtful things he does do for you other than the whole time he goes to the gym. If he simply went on his own the time I’m sure wouldn’t matter from what you say he does do to help out it seems like it is a good partnership you’ve got going on there so I’m sure he would change the time to help you further but he has stated that the reason he goes at 1800hrs is because he goes with friends that’s social time. Does he go to the pub with them every week also? Because if he doesn’t then this is his time with his friends too not just gym. So I kinda get it from his point of view too. However that doesn’t mean I don’t hear you or feel your pain. I really really do. Maybe prep tea in slow cooker in morning when he is there helping so you just have to dish up later?! I’ve 7 children ranging from teens to Toddlers and more evenings than most hubby isn’t home till gone 1800hrs, the days prepare are the days that I don’t hate my life and question my sanity.

I just think that lots could be done by you both to help you during that witching hour not just solely on him making tea before he goes like some have suggested or changing times risking not being able to go with his friends.

Can not stress how much I get where you are coming from but sometimes we can forget or lose focus on what they do do and focus to much on what they don’t. I know I did, and sometimes my now husband can do this to me and sometimes me to him and that’s draining for you both xx

I don't ask my DH, but when he asks me I say I don't know if haven't thought about it.

It threw him at first but now he does consider what we might ne able to eat without serious cooking which neither of us are ready for after disturbed nights and long days.

I can’t see anything wrong with this! Don’t know why more people don’t do it

I can’t see anything wrong with this! Don’t know why more people don’t do it

I think it’s right to prioritise the gym, I also go every day and go when my friends go. DH does the same and we muddle through without each other when we’re gone. Baby goes in the sling/bouncer, toddler gets tv time, dinner gets cooked, all happy and healthy. Just find a way to work around it.

The gym is not a group activity. Do you know the friends?

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I wouldn’t be happy about this if it were my other half.

we have a 18 month old and a 4 year old, both are asleep in bed by 6.30pm, we have a great routine. If either of us makes plans then we mostly always make it so that it is after 6.30pm and then the other person isn’t alone at the busiest time of day and can then relax for the rest of the evening.

it is incredibly selfish of your DH to be out at 6pm every single evening and I would question why he can’t understand that. having children is a team effort.

@StinkyWizzleteets

are you a single parent? If not and you have a partner why not go earlier in the evening while he minds the kids, and vice versa?

Say you want him to do it for a week to see how awful it is. If he just doesn’t care, you’ve got bigger problems

Go with him, take the baby. Eat out. Baby will go to sleep in the car on the way home.
The priority here is actually the baby. The gym may just have to forgo everyone’s constant attention for a while.

The parents I know that are gym rats go before work at 6 am, so the baby waking up then is a perfect alarm to get there!

I have to go to the gym at 5/6am or 10/11pm if I want to fit it in around kids and household
stuff. I don’t see why he can’t vary his time to accommodate family life. You’re not in any way being unreasonable.

I really don’t understand why men think they can continue with life as normal after having children and I don’t understand why mothers and partners accept this kind of behaviour for months on end before realising it’s a problem.

Nip this bullshit in the bud now or you’ll only grow more and more resentment at the liberties he will continue to take until one of you calls it a day.

God OP he sounds so inconsiderate and careless. No wonder you feel annoyed - he’s taking the piss by opting out of the hours of hard work. He’s not a team player.

Of course we all deserve time to ourselves. But the timing and frequency is everything. Leaving you to do dinner and bedtime alone frequently is just shocking.

How would he feel if the roles were reversed? Suggest you get to go to the gym 6-8 for a week and see how he likes it.

I know this sounds awful and I’m sorry, but when people do this I think it’s calculated to avoid family life.

My DP occasionally goes for a pint with friends who don’t have kids. Very rarely, and he only has 2. Because he cares about leaving me to hold the fort and doesn’t want to be seen to be abandoning his duties!

He's taking the piss. To give him the benefit of the doubt, if he's never done the 6pm-8pm slot at home, maybe he doesn't quite appreciate how hard it is and maybe he needs to see it one day for him to realise he's being unfair leaving it all to you.

If he's fully aware of how it is at that time, it is a shame to say the least that he doesn't feel at all guilty about leaving you to it while he gets a break.

I don’t think it makes a difference what he’s doing @NoisyViewer. He could be doing something really worthwhile but he’s checking out of parenting and it’s not fair on the op.

An old colleague used to do this to her husband - turns out that she was having an affair with a PT at the gym.

He's looking at this as if it's your child and he is helping out. Very unreasonable to expect daily gym visits.
Stop anguishing and pretend he isn't there. Prep your own food, buy some salad. Have some cooked chicken with cous cous or baked potato - minimal effort. Eat when it suits you and stop letting him control you.

Why can’t you cook dinner before he goes or do a slow cooker during the day? Do you both work? I would say the home routine of a 6pm cooking session needs to be flexible. He’s killing 2 birds with 1 stone at the gym: friends time and gym time.

People will take the pi$$ if you let them, keep this man on a tight leash so that he cant get away with anything.
That is what I would try to impress upon my younger self if I could time travel, (then again she was away with the faeries and would not have listened!).

I think its sad that you are not eating as a family and the gym is taking priority. Are you sure that he isn't seeing someone there? Do you know the friends he is meeting there?

YANBU. He is being v clever and selfish.

Good!

My question is: would it be unreasonable to ask him to either cook dinner before he leaves, or consider going at a different time, even just a few days a week?

Neither of these things is remotely unreaaonable but TBH the thing that would bother me is how LONELY it gets at that time of day.

Also what happens if you want to go out one evening? I think you need to acquire some evening hobbies of your own 2 nights a week. If one of those hobbies is sleeping through a yoga nidra class then do it