Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To check in on crying neighbour?

67 replies

GreeneryGrass · 14/01/2026 16:17

My neighbour is a lovely girl, she's just recently become a young mam. We message sometimes and I check in on her now and then. I can hear her absolutely crying her heart out right now and I really feel for her. She's mentioned some struggles recently so I know she's quite stressed (as if having a baby wasn't stressful enough!) and I'm wondering if I'd be unreasonable just to pop her a text saying I'm not looking to pry but I just want to check she's ok and if she needs to talk then I'm here. Equally I don't want her to feel I'm listening in and snooping, we just have such thin walls so I can hear her so clearly. Motherhood can be so lonely and I don't want her to feel she's alone and that nobody is there for her.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Flibbertyfloo · 14/01/2026 16:31

Don't message, go round. Its easier to put a brave face on by text. I'd knock on the door with some biscuits in hand and ask if she fancies a cuppa.

Rusalina · 14/01/2026 16:31

I remember doing a fair bit of sobbing after the birth of my first. I’d have been mortified if my neighbour had told me they heard me crying, even though I know they almost definitely did.

However, I would have LOVED a friendly neighbour checking in on me. Maybe just invite her round for a cup of tea, or find an excuse to pop round hers - perhaps bring up that you remember finding the early days hard (even if you didn’t), then she might feel open to expressing her own feelings?

Tryagain26 · 14/01/2026 16:29

I wouldn't mention the crying as it might make her uncomfortable to realise she can be heard. But I think you should call round and ask if she would like to come over for coffee. And perhaps you could make it a regular thing so she feels she can talk to you.

Original poster
GreeneryGrass · 14/01/2026 16:29

For reference, I have 2 kids, my youngest is a day older than hers so we have that similarity which has been a big conversation focus so far.

OP posts:
Deliaskis · 14/01/2026 16:28

Please do reach out. It was a neighbour doing this for me when I was in the depths of PND that helped me realise that I would come out of this, and that the normal world would be there waiting for me when I did, but that it was OK to lean on support if I needed it in the meantime.

There were about 4-5 people who deliberately connected with me during that time, for no other reason than they knew I was struggling, and I will never forget them or the difference they made to me at the time.

Original poster
GreeneryGrass · 14/01/2026 16:28

ResusciAnnie · 14/01/2026 16:23

If I was her I would then feel like I couldn’t let loose even in my own home tbh. I’d find an excuse to get her round/talking but not overtly mention you can hear her.

This is my worry. I'd hate her to feel like she can't let herself go in her own home which is why I've hesitated. Everyone's suggestions are so lovely so far but so mixed, I don't want her to feel she needs to put on a mask as someone mentioned so I would like to message whilst she needs that support, but at the same time I don't want to embarrass her when she's clearly very vulnerable.
I think this is one of those situations where there's no particular best answer - right now I'm thinking I might message in about 15 minutes or so, just something about checking in and if she needs anything I'm here? I don't really know!

OP posts:
Daygloboo · 14/01/2026 16:27

GreeneryGrass · 14/01/2026 16:17

My neighbour is a lovely girl, she's just recently become a young mam. We message sometimes and I check in on her now and then. I can hear her absolutely crying her heart out right now and I really feel for her. She's mentioned some struggles recently so I know she's quite stressed (as if having a baby wasn't stressful enough!) and I'm wondering if I'd be unreasonable just to pop her a text saying I'm not looking to pry but I just want to check she's ok and if she needs to talk then I'm here. Equally I don't want her to feel I'm listening in and snooping, we just have such thin walls so I can hear her so clearly. Motherhood can be so lonely and I don't want her to feel she's alone and that nobody is there for her.

What do you think?

Yes dont say you can hear her. find another way to make contact

rwalker · 14/01/2026 16:27

Just go round I wouldn’t mention anything

tell her you love the baby years and if ever she wants help with anything just give you a shout
if you’ve got kids tell her you remember how overwhelming it was

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 14/01/2026 16:25

I would go over and ask to borrow something and then get chatting.

If you let her know you can hear her cry she's going to feel trapped and claustrophobic in her own home.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/01/2026 16:25

Please do! Don't worry about the pretext. 😊

dairydebris · 14/01/2026 16:25

Pop around with a cake tomorrow. Talk about how difficult it is with a new baby. Give her a chance to share. Dont say you heard her crying.

ResusciAnnie · 14/01/2026 16:23

If I was her I would then feel like I couldn’t let loose even in my own home tbh. I’d find an excuse to get her round/talking but not overtly mention you can hear her.

usedtobeaylis · 14/01/2026 16:22

If you don't mention you know she's upset then an opportunity to help her might pass by as she may just put a face on. I would let her know (not necessarily that you can hear to the extent you can) and offer her to come round to you with the baby.

NorthantsNewbie · 14/01/2026 16:21

Please do! I’d maybe wait until she isn’t crying so she doesn’t link the two. Our neighbour has been so kind to me since I had our second child, and texted me when I was feeling really low. It made such a difference to feel seen. She offered to come and sit with the baby whilst I had a hot drink in peace - could you do something similar? You don’t have to mention you have heard her upset.

Radiatorvalves · 14/01/2026 16:20

You could send a text, but it might be nice to knock on the door and say the kettles on. Can she come round for a cup of tea and a biscuit. Or you could send a text and say you’ll be popping by shortly. Lovely thought. X

IKnowWhatTheAnswerIs · 14/01/2026 16:20

I think it would be nice to check on her. You don’t need to say you can hear her crying, just a friendly message saying Hi and hope all is well, did she fancy a cuppa soon. Or something like that.

GreenPoms · 14/01/2026 16:19

I’d maybe buy something for the baby and use that as an excuse to call in. I wouldn’t mention the crying at this point because she might be embarrassed.