Do people really not know what to eat?

My son has been living with his girlfriend for over ten years, and their diet is appalling. I've tried by giving them frozen left overs I've cooked from very simple recipes, bought them a soup maker, cook books etc. They go to Gregg's regularly, fast food outlets, buy take aways. My son has put on stones in weight and has been told he has a 'fatty' liver, I am very concerned.

The fact that you have gousto though suggests, and tell me if this is not right obviously, that there is an idea for you that special or fancy meals are what you think you need to be providing

Would you feel like a meal is substandard if its something on toast or a soup made from scraps or leftovers served with cheese on toast? These are good meals

I think the 'cook from scratch' narrative frightens people that their meals have to be all high falluting. Nothing wrong with a piece of chicken, some veg, mash and gravy or chutney or whatever.

As for the issue about lack of education, pre birth classes and information and HV information absolutely would not leave anyone in any doubt that you dont put coke in a baby's bottle. Im not sure I buy the lack of education thing in terms of the basics.

I'm with you on this, cooking just isn't one of my skills. I know the theory, I can follow a recipe but for some reason it just never seems to go right, I get extremely stressed and honestly most of the time it's just not worth it. I think people who find cooking easy just don't understand how hard it is for some people. The things I'm good at aren't really all that practical but I don't look down on people who can't play music by ear for example.

Why do you watch that crap?
There's must be something better on with all the channels there are today.
Yabu to watch then moan. Waste of time.

😂

I think your privilege is showing. Please do better and show compassion instead.

I (42, single mum, middle class, privately educating my two children, £500 a month food budget) grew up the only child of an anorexic mother and obese father. I have a degree, I've read countless nutrition books yet to this day, I still struggle with preparing meals from scratch. I work really hard at it but it does not come naturally and when things are mentally tough, I find it impossible.

Some people are brilliant at maths, other people are skilled elsewhere. My mental arithmetic skills are off the charts and I can design a database without thinking but food just does not click. We have gousto five nights a week and I'm so grateful that school dinners are mandatory.

Also, having worked with families in some of the highest poverty and teenage pregnancy rates in Europe, there are a lot of people who do not have access to education and the ability to apply basic skills. There are genuinely people in this country who have no idea that you can't put coca cola in a baby's bottle because that knowledge has never been shared with them. At least that family are trying to do better which in my opinion, makes them better people than you.

Finally, read Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America by Barbara Ehrenreich. It applies here too.

In the alternate view.
The family is exposing themselves to learn about how to improve themselves and others are learning through watching the programme.

I have to push my kids to eat the healthy food I provide them, even when they know they like the food.

They strongly prefer a shop bought carbonara sauce to my gorgeous home-made one, for example. Since they know the shop-bought version exists it is a battle to get them to eat mine (loads of moaning, refusal to eat. The problem is that UPF versions of food are literally designed to be as nice as possible - from the nice smooth texture or crunch in your mouth, to the sound the packet makes when it opens, to the list of ingredients that are mouth-wateringly tasty.

It is a path of least resistance in many cases, I’m sure.

I am guessing around 75% of food in supermarkets is processed and around 50% ultra processed?

A lot of people assume ‘if it’s fit for human consumption it must be ok to eat’? I am pretty sure most house holds are eating some kind of processed food and a lot are eating ultra processed foods. A lot of people don’t have the time and energy to research and cook from scratch so they grab something that’s already prepared? Also (as they explain on the show)….processed foods taste good, mainly because they are high ins sugar and salt so people become addicted to them?

In an ideal world I would revert back to how my parents shopped for food and would go to the butchers, greengrocer and fish monger….maybe a bakery for real bread, but I can’t afford too and I can’t afford too. I mainly eat non processed foods but by the end of the week I don’t have fresh meat and veg and I haven’t got time to go and get them so we might end up eating fish finger sandwiches.

There are many reasons why people don’t understand how food is made, where it comes from and what’s good/bad but it’s mainly because they don’t want to know and they want convenience?

I can’t stand now I’m on a walking frame thankfully I wasn’t when the kids were small. That must be so difficult for you

on another note.. i'm going to throw parental disability into the ring.

Taking my kids out of the equation, i personally do live off a fair bit of takeaway and freezer food.. i am perfectly capable of cooking healthy meals, and on good days i do (like todays stew) make them.. but i have a painful physical disability and need to sit while cooking as i can't stand, some days i'm exhausted, so yes, i'm going to put a frozen pizza in the oven, or pour some boiling water over a sachet of cuppa soup and dip toast in it.

I haven’t seen it so I don’t know how much the family are eating.

But there’s 2 adults, 3 kids in my house. All eat a moderate level of UPF a day I think and we’re all normal weight. Never been overweight.

ETA: we all eat fruit and veg every day.

I’m sure the volume of food they are consuming most contribute a lot.

Meh, balance. There’s no such thing as “cheat” food, good food or bad food. So many people have a bad relationship with food in completely opposite ways and this trail illustrates it well.

A lot of parents just can't be arsed so will instead tell you to stop being judgemental.

I agree, but it was a very extreme case. The son was copying the dad with his pot noodles as well. I’ve never seen families eat like this, although I used to cringe at what some parents bought as an after school snack!!

I think most parents occasionally give their kids fishfingers, nuggets, chips etc. I know I did, but they also had home cooked dinner most evenings, I mainly used wholegrain bread/pasta/rice. Plenty of fruit and veg too.

Now I look back and cringe a bit knowing what I do about UPFs but I did the best I could at the time.

I don't think its just a working class thing either.
DH worked in a very posh private school. When it came to peeling an onion for a biology experiment, only one 14yr old knew how to go about this.
I got mine involved in chopping, cooking and cleaning up as soon as they were old enough to stand on a box at the worktop. Two are now very chefy and one lives on bloody frozen pizza.

i do, and have. My lad is 19 now, so i'm at the 'older' end of the ARFID parenting journey, i float about the groups on FB and have handed a few peoples ass to them when their kid is starving, at the point of threatened with tube feeding and they're hand wringing about UPF's and 'healthy diet'

I give them the advice i was given. Feed them what they'll eat, right now, it's just important they eat, the 'what' doesn't matter..

It might seem obvious to you but it isn't to everyone. We're not born knowing what's nutritious and healthy, it's something we learn. I weren't taught what was healthy as a child and I actually had a few things wrong, I thought all red meat was good for Iron, I was on the 'cereal diet' at one point when it was advertised as a healthy way to lose weight. I had no idea about UPFs and fell for the low fat/low sugar advertisements.

I’ve met people who genuinely don’t have a clue about what they should be eating. I’ve also met people who truly believe you can eat as much as you like as long as it’s healthy and you won’t gain weight. But on the whole people do know but busy lives, fussy kids and the price of eating well all contribute to a less than ideal diet.

my diet was fairly terrible growing up. Think half a frozen piece of fish, about 7 chips and a desert spoon of beans one day and a quarter of a frozen pizza with the same portion of chips and beans the next. We were all pretty underweight to be honest.

but I’m a healthy adult, never been more than slightly over weight and when I was I did something about it straight away. I’ve also always cooked good food for my kids but I’d be lying if I said they never ate crap. Yes, I very rarely would use a sauce from a jar as I’m not keen, but a something and chips freezer meal once a week won’t do any harm. I actually really like freezer tea day. We also have one day a week where everyone fends for themselves and that usually ends in us eating rubbish. But meh, we’re not overweight and all exercise regularly so on balance I think we do ok.

tonight will be chicken tenders (from the freezer) with veg egg fried rice (home made). All about balance. There’s no way I’m making my own chicken tenders on a work night 😂.

Interesting that schools varied. My DC actually did more useful cookery at primary school. I was a governor at their secondary school and had a discussion about this with the "cookery" teacher. She was old school and agreed with me about the importance of teaching basic food prep but her hands were tied by the curriculum. This would have been about 12 years ago.
Hopefully things have changed now but if other schools were similar to my DCs there are a whole cohort of children who learned very little at school and they probably have their own children now.

My kids would choose beige UPF over a jacket potato sadly.

Actually I think it's pretty good now. Tomorrow my daughter will make spring rolls. Last term there were vegetarian burgers made from beans, homemade bread, brownies, curries - all sorts. They have homework on using an oven and hob confidently and chopping different vegetables.

my daughter finds it all pretty easy as, age 13 she regularly cooks at home and can whip up snacks from the various ingredients around the house when she likes - but we are a cooking family and cook most of our dinners from scratch.

both mine have chocolate or crisps after school though and I'm sure I'd be judged for that, but they are both slim and busy children with sports and other clubs so I've always felt they need the sugar!

I've read this full thread and it's really interesting. Whilst I agree that poverty is a key factor, I think it's an oversimplification. I also strongly agree that pupils should be taught about food and nutrition in schools, however this has to be done in a way that's massively better than it used to be.

Thinking of myself as an example - I'm 58 and was brought up with what I'd think of as a classic 1970's/80's diet. Our main meals were predominantly freshly cooked, however they were also pretty bland and didn't exactly encourage me to believe that 'cooked from scratch' was best. Vegetables were limited and often unappetising (think overcooked cabbage, sprouts and turnip), in fact I actually would only eat carrots if I could have them raw. We had our fair share of stews etc, but meals like mince and potatoes (Scottish MNs will know what I mean!) were revolting to me. We also weren't allowed sweets before a meal (fair enough) and had to ask if we wanted anything afterwards. If we hadn't eaten all our food then there was no chance of being allowed any sweets.

The impact of this on me was that I reacted against it the minute I left home. I still remember the joy of eating a Twix on the way home from work, knowing that dinner was still to come. I also left home around the time that places like M&S really expanded their ready meals so the luxury of buying these and loving the flavours compared with what I'd been used to was huge. My DM just couldn't understand why I'd happily eat a bolognese sauce - with all it's added flavourings - when I couldn't stand the minced beef she provided.

Of course these ready meals were full of additives and it's only in the last 10 years or so I've made much more effort to cook from fresh. The challenge is that this is totally different to what my DM might have taught me so it's all been quite new.

I suppose what I'm saying here is that balance is the right thing. Never allowing a trip to McDonald's or a 'freezer dinner' could result in kids feeling they are missing out and rebelling against this when they have their freedom. I was much less restrictive with my DC and somehow they seem to have turned into pretty health focussed adults, both of them far better cooks than me!

People for the most part know but prefer excuses to discipline.

Yes, exactly. I have absolute empathy for those struggling with children with food issues such as ARFID, but I find the comments regarding it can take away from the broader issue at hand.

Most families aren't dealing with that, and those people aren't the people being discussed anyway. I can see how families with children with ARFID might end up going down those paths, but your average family who lives off UPFs for 3 meals and snacks a day isn't coping with that, and their reasoning is very different. Those are the people I hold judgement for.