Maternity assessment and husband - AIBU

We didn't get any live babies but my husband came to every maternity and miscarriage and fertility appointment we had.

Yours is an arsehole. I'd be making plans accordingly.

Yeah, how is leaving the abusive twat who doesn't give a shit about the OP or her baby going to make her life easier?

Huh, tell me that!

/s

She will have peace of mind. She won't be living with someone who will blame her for messing up the carpet, needing to sleep during the day, needing time or support from him, or the baby not being in a sleep routine from birth. At best it's like living with an enemy, at worst, it could get dangerous. Women are at their most vulnerable post birth. The blessing is that at least he won't be giving up the golf. The comment over the carpet is taste of what's to come and I'd put money on the OP living on her nerves.

I did most routine appointments myself as no point dragging husband out of work. He came to scans and when I had to have extra scans and appointments due to complications I couldn’t have kept him away. Sorry sounds like he’s not going to step up. He’s not a good man, husband and he won’t be a good father.

Exactly. I was told to come in (or phone the maternity triage number) if I suspected anything was wrong. This was stressed to me multiple times during my pregnancy. They'd rather see a woman who is fine than miss something, especially with regards to reduced fetal movements. (I had lots of extra appointments for growth scans.) And I went to them all on my own because my ex didn't want to come with me.

You're not wrong to feel that way. I'd be very concerned about his lack of involvement.

I mean if he was literally at work, in the middle of a shift and had no leave days left, and he could risk being fired for taking the time off, then I understand.

But golf trips and needing to go to work in the afternoon after an incident isn't really a good excuse is it?

And whinging like a toddler 'Do I have to come...?' 'Well yeah you didn't have to cum but you did and that's why I'm pregnant so now it is 50% your responsibility sunshine'

How is leaving before the baby is born going to make her life easier?

With the appointments I’m not sure if you are expecting too much. Dh cam to 12 and 20 week scan and the antenatal classes but he never attended the midwife appointments as he was working and not needed. But had I needed to go in for a concern he would have absolutely come. Forthat your dh was definitely unsupportive. How is he other wise - excited about the baby? Planning for the arrival? Looking after you?

Has he always been selfish and acted like 'king of the castle'?

Do you honestly think there’s a possibility that YABU? Genuinely? If so, what do you think YABU about, exactly?

You need to talk to him. You need to explain that this could have been serious: you could have ended up being induced and there was a real risk.

I think the more you talk to him, the more you will get a sense of whether he can change or not.

I'm sorry, OP. It sounds like things have been difficult for you. It is hardly surprising that you were upset.

Do you have friends who might be able to support you? I know it's hard to ask for help, but I would readily help a friend in your situation and plenty of others would too.

Have you spoken to your partner about what happened at the hospital?

I'm sorry you are going through this. Was he this bad (and yes this is bad) before you were pregnant? He's not going to make a good dad at this rate

You need to spell it out to him.
Him attending is not optional, especially in later stages
You need support
It's his job to give you support

He sounds like a prick. I will add that my children's dad came to every appointment and emergency one (near the end of pregnancy, reduced movements). But with our second he obviously had to stay with our first baby. But that's normal when there's more than one, I don't think it's as normal for him to be so disinterested already..

Your anxiety could be hormones, but your partner should be the first port of call to help support you through your anxiety and it doesn't sound like he is. I'm so sorry you're not getting that support. I hope your referral is a wake up call to him, but if not I'm glad you are getting some help.

Deleted as OP has since answered my question about family support.

OP please speak to the midwives openly and honestly about what’s happening, you need some practical support in place asap so you have some friendly and empathetic people in place once baby arrives.

Posters calling this ‘drama’ when the OP says she is normally very stoic and un-anxious - you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Well he sounds like a total dickhead. I don't know what else there is to say! I think you need to have conversation about how he's going to support you through the newborn stage and beyond.

But presumably your husband wouldn’t have been angry with you for not making it to the toilet in time when you had morning sickness? That’s the kind of arsehole OP is dealing with.

He doesn’t need to be there? And what if, god forbid, op had gone to the unit for reduced movements to be told she’d lost her baby, like lots of women sadly do?

Then you need to get the app on your phone.

My mate is divorcing her abusive husband, controlling the heating from his phone was just one of the things he did.

I had a scan due to bleeding and an appointment for reduced movements and I went to both alone. If anything horrible had been discovered at either appointment then I would have called DP, but luckily all was ok.

Obviously if OP needed her partner there and he was in a position to attend (i.e. wasn't at work) but declined, then that's pretty cold.