Maternity assessment and husband - AIBU

The OP said she was "hysterical" but she has since clarified that she was using this word to mean "very tearful".

Given that she was there because she was worried about reduced movement and she was feeling unsupported by her crappy partner, I don't think being very tearful in that situation is particularly unusual.

It wasn't just a normal appointment so you attending those without your partner is pretty irrelevant. The OP was concerned that there was something going wrong. It is perfectly normal and not needy to want to be supported in those circumstances.

You can download it too, both DH and I have the same app linked to the heating. Do it now and if he doesn't like it tell him to fuck off.

I'd wager the more you tell him to fuck off, and the more he realises you aren't going to be an obedient little mummy/cleaner/wifebot while he criticises you then fucks off to golf, the better you'll actually feel!

Urmmmmmm wtf. Even if he had work at 7am he should be driving you there and staying with you. He is a disgrace

I think his attitude is the problem. I've been to plenty of appointments on my own, even ones involving spotting and reduced movements because I didn't mind going alone and it was more practical but if I ever I wanted my husband there he would be. Going to your first scan is a basic one! All partners should be at the first scan! I'm not surprised you feel unsupported with the attitude he has.

It's not your mental health that's problematic so much as having a useless husband. If his attitude became a little kinder and more supportive, I don't doubt that your mental health would improve immediately.

YANBU - he's a selfish twat and very understandably, you are upset with being so unsupported at a vulnerable time.

@RabbitsEatPancakes did your partner not want to be with you, did you not want your partner with you?

But he turned it on as soon as you asked?

You seem to be chasing drama here.

I’m sorry your husband doesn’t come across as supportive. Whilst it’s normal to go for routine appointments yourself, it’s not unreasonable to expect your husband to come to scan appointments. He definitely should have come with you for something potentially problematic like reduced movement. Work or no work my husband would have taken me there.
it might not be easy but I think you need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him exactly how you’re feeling and how he needs to be supporting you. His response will give you an indication of where you stand going forward. I do hope he steps up to the mark

How is he going to cope with a baby disturbing his sleep?

@RabbitsEatPancakes did you have a reduced movement appointment, or similar potential scenario appointment?

Yes, I was 95% sure I was having a miscarriage and went to that scan on my own. I was right.

Sounds like OP has also had a lot of extra appointments.

Can you have the controls on your phone, especially when you are going to be home on maternity leave @Sanpellegrino1

He doesn't sound particularly nurturing or caring but equally you sound quite dramatic. Hysterical because the midwife asked a question.

I did all my apts alone apart from the 2 scans I think. That's not unusual.

If you were cold, why didn't you put the heating on?

he became annoyed when I vomited on the carpet in first trimester and asked why I could not make the toilet

So not just a dick husband, a total dick husband. And you think you need to ask to turn on the heating!! You poor thing, no wonder you're anxious. You've tried to be stoic and carry on but I think the closer the birth gets the more you realise what a shit situation you're in with him

He did not put the heating on last night so had to ask him at 9pm as I was shivvering in the room.

What on earth? 🚩🚩🚩

Do people talking about how they went to appointments alone actually get what an appointment for reduced fetal movements is about?

This is not like a routine midwife check-up.

What you are worried about with reduced fetal movement is that the baby is in trouble and might not survive/might need to be delivered. Of course that's a worst case scenario and of course it's wonderful that didn't happen in the OP's case, but it is definitely a situation where, if you ask your partner to come with you, they ought to come.

@omggggggg it is possible he wasn't, as it is known fact that some men can become abusive. It is also possible he was quite selfish beforehand but it wasn't so noticeable if OP never had medical reasons etc where she needed his undivided support

May I ask does he have an ex with whom he already has children? That may be why for him it isn't new or special (even though it should be and he would still be acting like a dick).

Sorry to repeat questions already asked, but do you have access to the heating controls?

I attended a Post natal depression support group and genuinely about half the women there had shit uninvolved husbands like yours who left the mother to do everything and didn't support her practically or emotionally. My diagnosis at the time was they wouldn't have had depression without the shit husband. Look after yourself and consider your future.

I imagine he was like this before you got pregnant though?

When I was suffering with morning sickness DH took over the cooking and was desperately trying to find food that I could tolerate, as I tended to start vomiting as soon as I could smell food. That is what a supportive husband should do, not complain that you have been sick

Wowzas! Your husband is a loser. Sorry to be so blunt but this is not normal. My husband WANTS to be at every single appointment even if it means missing work / losing money.

As it stands, he probably can't wait for you to go on maternity and be his servant.