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Original poster

Ds no playdates

41 replies

DandyDenimScroller · 14/01/2026 12:02

Ds 4 started reception in September. I hate school drop off and pickups as its loud, too many people and I end up incredibly anxious then stressed. Also I had a bit of a meltdown due to my dad dying last year and my humour was misinterpreted by 1 mum who has now ostracised me from a group that ds is friends with. I apologised and avoid them so as not to spoil their friendship.

I notice that some of the other children have playdates,not just the group my ds is in but others. Im now worried its my fault ds isnt having playdates and will end up like me with no friends and fearful of talking to people.
Obviously I know I'm a prat and have anxiety and borderline personality disorder along with autism and depression so im only good in small doses and then I overshare so I know im better without but I still worry that ds is/will miss out because of his idiot of a mum. I do try to facilitate playdates but most of the parents are full time working or have nannies pickup or the child is in wraparound care.

OP posts:
Original poster
DandyDenimScroller · 14/01/2026 13:24

ImSweetEnough · 14/01/2026 12:36

It's probably not you, OP, it could well be the others.

You may have too sophisticated a sense of humour for them!

Show quote history

I promise you I am not sophisticated. It was just me being too much. The mum now keeps her son away from my ds and I personally dont think that's right as its not my sons fault his mum is socially backwards. I'd never ostracise a child.

OP posts:
ImSweetEnough · 14/01/2026 12:36

DandyDenimScroller · 14/01/2026 12:20

The meltdown i guess was me having a dizzying high of thinking im funny when im not and then crashing back down to a low.

It's probably not you, OP, it could well be the others.

You may have too sophisticated a sense of humour for them!

TheBlueKoala · 14/01/2026 12:35

DandyDenimScroller · 14/01/2026 12:10

Thank you so much for your replies. This makes me feel better for him. No parties yet.

Playdates would be with mums at this age. When he's older (7-8) it's drop off and I have invited kids my ds liked at that age even though I wasn't a fan of the parents. Doesn't matter as I don't have to entertain the mother.

TheBlueKoala · 14/01/2026 12:32

Thebigfellaisnowsnoozing · 14/01/2026 12:04

Ds is 11 and never had any.. He is still an extremely popular boy.. Find outside hobbies for your dc to broaden his friendship groups.

Why not? Just curious as I don't know anyone whose child hasn't been on a playdate.

Isittuliptimeyet · 14/01/2026 12:20

My DD is in reception and hasn't had any yet, I think they are a little too young unless you know the family/stay. I think they started in Yr1 for my older DS. DD has been to a fair few parties already, you may just have a class with lots of birthdays later in the year.

Original poster
DandyDenimScroller · 14/01/2026 12:20

The meltdown i guess was me having a dizzying high of thinking im funny when im not and then crashing back down to a low.

OP posts:
ImSweetEnough · 14/01/2026 12:18

Thebigfellaisnowsnoozing · 14/01/2026 12:04

Ds is 11 and never had any.. He is still an extremely popular boy.. Find outside hobbies for your dc to broaden his friendship groups.

Brilliant advise.

Don't feel bad, OP! Join him up to after school clubs, Beavers, activity clubs etc..

Also invite children to yours for playdates.

So sorry about your dad, OP. I lost both my mum and dad when my dc were very young so know how tough it can be.

Lindy2 · 14/01/2026 12:18

Clubs like Beavers can be good for friendships. Not necessarily play dates but a regular weekly time to play with others, make friends and enjoy organised activities.

Bellaboo01 · 14/01/2026 12:16

DandyDenimScroller · 14/01/2026 12:02

Ds 4 started reception in September. I hate school drop off and pickups as its loud, too many people and I end up incredibly anxious then stressed. Also I had a bit of a meltdown due to my dad dying last year and my humour was misinterpreted by 1 mum who has now ostracised me from a group that ds is friends with. I apologised and avoid them so as not to spoil their friendship.

I notice that some of the other children have playdates,not just the group my ds is in but others. Im now worried its my fault ds isnt having playdates and will end up like me with no friends and fearful of talking to people.
Obviously I know I'm a prat and have anxiety and borderline personality disorder along with autism and depression so im only good in small doses and then I overshare so I know im better without but I still worry that ds is/will miss out because of his idiot of a mum. I do try to facilitate playdates but most of the parents are full time working or have nannies pickup or the child is in wraparound care.

What do you mean about having a meltdown?

WandaW · 14/01/2026 12:16

It’s still quite early days for play dates at school. My ds wasn’t quite ready for play dates with new friends - also you may have a sibling at home, or friends from preschool you are keeping up with.

Having other kids in the house adds complication - if they are older the focus may be on their friendships where playing outside a ch ion does get a bit more important. Or if younger, it may be too tricky to manage a playdate (as mum or dad would need to stay and might not feel comfortable inviting themselves to stay with the baby!)

If mums are working, it’s very hard to fit in playdates alongside rest of life.

Why not try and set up a playdate at a weekend? and don’t worry if there is no reciprocated invitation. Do you have a class WhatsApp you can grab people’s names from?

You need to smile, be thick skinned, and just go for it!

PrincessFairyWren · 14/01/2026 12:14

If you volunteer at school working bees, cake stalls or whatever it can be a good way to meet other parents without having too much social pressure because there is a task to do. Do you have time to do anything like that? Can help break the ice.

Original poster
DandyDenimScroller · 14/01/2026 12:10

Thank you so much for your replies. This makes me feel better for him. No parties yet.

OP posts:
anotheryeargoesby · 14/01/2026 12:10

Dying to know what happened when your humour was misinterpreted …

But look, what I would say is the parents (mums, let’s be honest) who get all worked up about it are the ones who do end up ostracised; fairly or otherwise. Try to relax, let friendships develop organically, try not to think of mums who are friendly with other mums as a clique and the rest will come.

Chickadiddy · 14/01/2026 12:07

Don't beat yourself up about it.

DS is still very, very young and playdates are not a necessity at the moment. If he is happy at school and you do activities outside school then that's fine.
As he gets older he will find his friends and playdates and friendships will occur naturally.

noidea69 · 14/01/2026 12:06

You do have to make the effort if you want child to have playdates. Parents wont arrange playdates with other parents they dont know, simple fact.

Can your other half not take some of this on if its too much for you with drop offs etc

Has your son been to many birthday parties yet with kids in class? Found this was the best way to get to know other parents, and build up to play dates.

Thebigfellaisnowsnoozing · 14/01/2026 12:04

Ds is 11 and never had any.. He is still an extremely popular boy.. Find outside hobbies for your dc to broaden his friendship groups.