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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How would you handle this?

40 replies

Suspiciousminds2 · 13/01/2026 22:15

I probably am being unreasonable and I probably should not be thinking about this. But how many women here have had the urge or have looked through their partner or husband’s phone? I was scrolling on mine earlier and DH just snatched it out of my hand, to “have a look” at what I was scrolling, I told him that was rude and that I was using it! So as a joke to see how he liked it, I did the same to him, except the lengths he went to, to keep his phone from me has left me feeling slightly unnerved. He gripped it hard then ran away and locked himself in the bathroom, i asked him why on earth was he holding on to it so tightly and he got quite angry. Would you try to have a look again?

OP posts:
Endofyear · 13/01/2026 22:28

I've never had the urge to look at my DHs phone and he's never looked on mine either - although we show each other messages and photos and stuff all the time. He doesn't have any social media apart from a couple of WhatsApp groups with a few friends and he has no interest in Facebook/Instagram/X at all.

I think you either trust each other or you don't. It sounds like your DH doesn't trust you, which would make me suspicious that he's judging you by his own standards. Of course you're going to want to look at his phone now - he's probably busy deleting anything incriminating though!

Coldtoesinthebed · 13/01/2026 22:24

V strange DH and I often use each other phone e.g. he is on the phone and whatever the discussion is he wants to Google so will use mine or vice versa, the only time I have any feeling about it is if he wants my phone while I’m using it (watching something), yes it’s annoying but I would always give him it anyway (again vice versa). To grab and run to the bathroom is very strange…

HoseGoblin · 13/01/2026 22:24

If he acted like that of course I'd want to look, that's suspicious as hell.

I've never looked at my husband's phone because he's never given me reason to. He'll happily hand it over to let me use it if I need to search for something and my phone is elsewhere or whatever, he's not protective of it in the least so I have no reason to want to look at it.

If he gripped it and ran off to hide in the bathroom I'd have reason to want to look.

Operationtimecomingup · 13/01/2026 22:21

Suspiciousminds2 · 13/01/2026 22:18

Im not sure, i was so shocked when he locked himself in the bathroom

Weren't you shocked when he grabbed your phone in the first place OP ? Tbh the whole scenario is pretty unnerving.

For him to grab your phone like that it definitely sounds like projection: he is assuming you are up to no good because he is up to no good himself.

I don't see how you can just ignore what has happened.

CamillaMcCauley · 13/01/2026 22:21

Yeah, I would consider this to be an absolutely screaming red flag.

LittleRedFoxy · 13/01/2026 22:21

Has he ever done anything like that before?? He's behaved very oddly for someone with nothing to hide...could he be projecting his own guilty deeds on to you? He'll have deleted the evidence, thought be worth checking his deleted folder just in case...

LadyGAgain · 13/01/2026 22:21

He’s judging you by his own behaviour. You’re right to be concerned. If he’s locked himself in, he’s deleting.

blankcanvas3 · 13/01/2026 22:20

That’s very off. I’m on DH’s phone all the time, the same the other way around. I’d be finding the opportunity to have a look at his phone secretly if you can OP. Don’t bring it up again so he doesn’t think you’re suspicious and doesn’t guard it closely.

lauraloulou1 · 13/01/2026 22:19

He is hiding something. Sorry. Deleted now tho hence the run to the loo.

Suspiciousminds2 · 13/01/2026 22:18

Daydreambeliever87 · 13/01/2026 22:17

Sadly I would think this is a huge red flag.

He wanted to look at your phone perhaps because he is judging you by his standards?

Locking himself in a bathroom so you can’t see his phone is unhinged.

What has he said since?

Im not sure, i was so shocked when he locked himself in the bathroom

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 13/01/2026 22:18

He locked himself in the bathroom? What?

ResusciAnnie · 13/01/2026 22:18

Hmm. I wouldn’t know how to handle but me and DH are always using each others’ phones, I don’t think that does bode well OP. His cagey behaviour speaks for itself tbh.

Suspiciousminds2 · 13/01/2026 22:18

Or maybe you don’t handle this and I should just sit with the strange reaction..

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 13/01/2026 22:18

Hmm, that certainly sounds a bit off to me op. I can’t deny I would be suspicious he was up to something otherwise why behave like that..?

Daydreambeliever87 · 13/01/2026 22:17

Sadly I would think this is a huge red flag.

He wanted to look at your phone perhaps because he is judging you by his standards?

Locking himself in a bathroom so you can’t see his phone is unhinged.

What has he said since?

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