Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How would you handle this?

40 replies

Suspiciousminds2 · 13/01/2026 22:15

I probably am being unreasonable and I probably should not be thinking about this. But how many women here have had the urge or have looked through their partner or husband’s phone? I was scrolling on mine earlier and DH just snatched it out of my hand, to “have a look” at what I was scrolling, I told him that was rude and that I was using it! So as a joke to see how he liked it, I did the same to him, except the lengths he went to, to keep his phone from me has left me feeling slightly unnerved. He gripped it hard then ran away and locked himself in the bathroom, i asked him why on earth was he holding on to it so tightly and he got quite angry. Would you try to have a look again?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Jp54f · 14/01/2026 19:06

HUGEEEEE red flag.
Demand to see his phone - if he doesn't allow you to and starts hiding his phone i would consider why. Ask him outright wht hes hiding that requires locking the bathroom

StrawberrySquash · 14/01/2026 12:57

I would hate someone taking my phone saying they are going to go through it. And there's no affair etc to hide.

Suspiciousminds2 · 14/01/2026 12:39

Needsomeguidance103 · 14/01/2026 11:44

Huge red flag.

My friends ex suddenly started looking through her phone… think it was guilty conscience because he was the one that was cheating.

Thank you! The discussion after hasn’t really settled my nerves in any way

OP posts:
Needsomeguidance103 · 14/01/2026 11:44

Huge red flag.

My friends ex suddenly started looking through her phone… think it was guilty conscience because he was the one that was cheating.

PunishmentSnart · 14/01/2026 11:44

Yep. Red flags. He locked himself in the bathroom to delete any evidence....

Mrsknowitall · 14/01/2026 11:41

I would be demanding to look at his phone now, he has just completely grassed himself up here, he locked himself in the bathroom because he shit himself and deleted everything, if you get a chance to look at it look in his iMessages and go to edit it has an option saying show recently deleted, have a look in that too and if needs be I’d also back his phone up from the last few months, you’ll get back deleted WhatsApp messages.

SALaw · 14/01/2026 00:06

He’s told on himself here.

LadyGAgain · 13/01/2026 23:59

So what has happened or is he still locked on? Have you had a conversation?

toomuchfaff · 13/01/2026 23:39

Just read this to my DH and he laughed and said "he's cheating and now he's deleted any incriminating stuff off his phone..."

Suspiciousminds2 · 13/01/2026 23:33

He doesn’t usually act like this, se know each others passcodes etc and i have never had the urge to look at his phone. Sometimes he forgets it when leaving in the morning and never usually cares (no rush to get home to get it) so this has come completely out of the blue.

OP posts:
Happyjoe · 13/01/2026 23:07

Suspiciousminds2 · 13/01/2026 22:18

Im not sure, i was so shocked when he locked himself in the bathroom

I would be shocked too - and very suss.
Sorry.

My partner wouldn't give two hoots if I looked at his phone, nor me him but to be honest, neither of us are remotely interested anyway.

HisNotHes · 13/01/2026 23:03

Never looked at his phone, never felt the need. Would definitely be suspicious if my husband had behaved like yours just did, though.

LoveWine123 · 13/01/2026 22:54

I would start paying a lot more attention to what he is doing and where he is going. Definitely not normal behaviour.

Perrylobster · 13/01/2026 22:54

Wait until he’s asleep and then unlock it. You could probably hold the phone up to his face to get it to open IIf he has facial recognition. Look for archived messages in WhatsApp and locked messages/folders and hidden apps

toomuchfaff · 13/01/2026 22:51

So he is cheating. And now you will find nothing.

Projected his guilt onto you, FAFO when you did the same so he ran and hid.

Major red flag.

Dont ignore it. Hes screaming at you; listen to him.

How long have you been married?

canklesmctacotits · 13/01/2026 22:51

I have nothing to hide but wouldn’t allow DH to look at my phone. All I have is email, text, WhatsApp and that would be like reading my mail.

I also am not interested in looking at his phone. If he’s hiding something (he’s not) I’d find out sooner or later and he’d be told to fuck off out of my life.

WallaceinAnderland · 13/01/2026 22:45

Well he obviously has something to hide.

I expect he wanted to check your phone to see if you were up to the same things that he is.

pinkpony88 · 13/01/2026 22:44

DH and I use each others phones all the time but I wouldn’t dream of looking through his messages unless he specifically asked me to read one out if he didn’t have a hand free.

SquidLife · 13/01/2026 22:42

I have no interest in my partners phone and he has none in mine as far as I know. We show each other stuff on our phones but don't regularly use each others. Both phones are password protected with a pin and fingerprint, I don't know his pin but I expect he could guess mine if he wanted.

I would react poorly to him snatching my phone to look at it (as would he) since it is disrespectful and I regard my phone as private.

I wouldn't necessarily jump to thinking something highly suspicious but your partners reaction would leave me keeping an eye on his overall behaviour. I wouldn't try to look at his phone.

ultracynic · 13/01/2026 22:41

I haven’t ever sneakily looked at his phone but both of us will pick up each others if it’s nearer or whatever, and we know each others passcodes.

Huge red flag re your DH’s reaction. That would definitely make me want to snoop. I think it’d be a bit of a dealbreaker actually.

Arrrggghhhhhhcommunicationfrustration · 13/01/2026 22:40

Maybe porn/looking up images or asking odd questions that would come up in his Google? Definitely deleting whatever it is. Esp if this is unusual behaviour for him. Or would his WhatsApp banter with his mates be about you or something he'd rather you didn't read?

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 13/01/2026 22:40

I can look at Husbands phone any time I want, so I tend not to because there’s nothing on there I need to see.

AbovetheVaultedSky · 13/01/2026 22:37

It’s never even occurred to me to look at DH’s phone.

brunettemic · 13/01/2026 22:35

I’ve never had the urge to look at his phone. I use it sometimes if mine isn’t to hand but I’ll ask first and I never look in his messages, calls, social media etc. that’s his private business.

Freshstart26 · 13/01/2026 22:32

Suspiciousminds2 · 13/01/2026 22:18

Or maybe you don’t handle this and I should just sit with the strange reaction..

I voted YANBU but maybe he was just innocently looking at a product for a sensitive issue (hygiene related maybe) that he’d rather you not know about. 🤔