Should I be proud or angry??

THE WHITE BOY IS NOT THE VICTIM.

Hardly anyone cares that the bully was hurt. He arguably deserved pain and humiliation. The fact he got it isn't what people are concerned about.

The concerning thing isn't that OP's son was fighting - it was that he risked causing the paralysis or death of a peer by going for the head.

It is not uncommon for head injuries to result in paralysis or death from one blow - sometimes due to the person falling badly onto something if not the blow itself. And then the son would've ruined his own life. I've been involved in cases where exactly this happened.
Bully ended up in a wheelchair and court cases loomed over the attacker's life for years. Everyone involved badly wished they could go back and undo it, but you can't.

Op's son would have been taught other defensive moves that aren't risking a brain injury or worse. I would want to explore with him as his mum why he didn't use those and went straight for the one that has a significant risk of ruining his own life. Not because oooh it might have hurt the racist a bit too much.

https://www.norfolk.police.uk/news/norfolk/news/news/2025/july/senior-detective-speaks-out-about-one-punch-killings-and-serious-assaults/

These are only a couple of examples, they are common enough that there aren't usually specific reports on them. There's even a charity called One Punch set up to raise awareness about this and support victims.

He didn't retaliate, he was pushed and probably hurt and felt threatened - well that's what I'd say so he defended himself.

Why hasn't the bully been suspended?

School are crap at managing racism and bullying, when will they get it right. Bullying has to be dealt with.

My brother was bullied in senior school - we're mixed race - and this lad thought he could hit my brother. Well my brother defended himself and in the process the lad was very much worse for wear. His dad complained to the school (his son was busted up, black eyed etc) and the HT said your son is a bully, I've put him in detention many times for bullying the lad. He didn't learn and decided to make it physical. He lost. His bad choice. I am not taking action against the boy he bullied.

That was in the 80's and my only exp of a HT doing the right thing about bullying.

I think your son stood up for himself to be honest and done it well, what was he supposed to do, just keep on taking this abuse from someone. My son also suffered months of racial slurs from another student and finally retaliated with a punch one day when he had had enough. Of course, he got suspended and the other kid got nothing because the CCTV couldn't prove that. We ended up moving my son from that school because they didn't deal with bullying well at all unfortunately.

I have a 13 yr old son who is kind and caring. I read this and imagined it was my son- I’d absolutely be behind him. Your son has tolerated too much-because school failed to handle the situation and he lost it. It’s completely reasonable and I’d be livid that your boy has been suspended but the other bo hasn’t despite racial abusing your son. I’m so incredibly sorry this happened. I would fight this.

I understand why someone would stand up to a bully but your son could have damaged his entire life if that kick had injured the bully. And its not too late for the bully to come back and say he's been getting headaches and feeling nausea and really going after your son. Your son may get away with it this time (hopefully) but I'd have a serious talk about how HIS future may have taken a very different path if the boy had cracked his head open.

Exactly this

Deliberately kicking someone in the head is not priprotionate and the law would not view it that way.

It is not racist to point out that this DSs life would be completely ruined if that kick had resulted in a brain bleed, neck injury, or worse.

The bully has behaved unacceptabley and that situation needs to be dealt with. Absolutely.

The DS cannot and must not kick people in the head, whatever the provocation.

Both things can be true.

I would be kicking off at the school, it’s not acceptable for your son to experience racial and physical abuse and for them to not do anything except when your son reacts.
I certainly wouldn’t be punishing him at home. You can’t do much I don’t think about what the school want to do but I wouldn’t accept that nothing happens to the other boy

He should be able to put the bully on the floor without kicking him in the head.

I’d be very angry that this issue hasn’t been dealt with by the school and has now escalated. No need to be proud or angry at your soon, it’s not that simple.

I’d want a face to face meeting with the head to ask how this issue is going to be dealt with going forwards now that it’s ramped up a notch.

I haven't read the whole thread, it's too long, so I apologise if I'm repeating stuff.

Unfortunately, it is very difficult to take action on incidents in school when it's just one person's word against another. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm surprised they haven't found witnesses though, it doesn't speak well for the general attitude in the school if other children aren't stepping forward to back your son up against a racist.

I would make it clear that going for the head is a terrible idea because it's very risky. Tell him that you're sorry he felt pushed into reacting with force and you understand why he did it but that he will have to take the consequences for that choice. I wouldn't give any more consequences though. I would absolutely hound the school to deal with the other child's racism and bullying and also query, given he got physical first, why he hasn't had similar consequences.

Don’t outsource parenting to a karate teacher. What an immensely stupid post. At some point in the future your daughter will do this to the wrong person and her safety will be severely compromised by misplaced confidence in the powers of karate classes.

There is no such thing as a ‘controlled’ kick to the head that guarantees the other person won’t die or be severely injured OP. Your son’s life could be changed forever by doing this next time.

But there are many other ways to sort it and outside of school if your ds tries to sort issues with violence

Really? Well come on then, let's have a discussion of these ways.

The school was not acting on the physical bullying and the racist slurs. And schools do have form for protecting bullies (there's no evidence, nobody saw it, no-one else has complained) while punishing the victim when he/she acts in desperation.

In this case op's son had very little choice. The authorities were NOT supporting him, and the bully was just going to keep on pushing and pushing until something broke. He took swift and proportionate action to take control - good on him.

Im proud of him and u should be too and i wouldnt be punishing him. I hate hate hage bullies and have experience myself and my teen. I took her to.kick boxing lessons for this reason. Shes too frightened to use it but if she did id be proud

Which goes for the bully shoving the OPs son. The bully was the aggressor. The OPs son was defending himself in an environment where he was not safe protected by the authorities

I was Head of Year in a Catholic High School for 25 years. Safeguarding meant every case of bullying and racism was recorded and investigated thoroughly.

Jeezus the white privilege is thick here.

Older bigger white boy abuses younger smaller black kid repeatedly. Black kid finally fights back and all people can say is the black kid could have really hurt that poor white boy. That black kid should have walked away.
That black kid needs to find other strategies to diffuse the situation.

So far the school has done nothing.

That white kid could have really hurt him.
That white kid should have left him alone.
That white kid needs to find other strategies to diffuse his anger.

Racist attitudes and micro-aggressions are pervasive and insidious and need to be called out.

THE WHITE BOY IS NOT THE VICTIM.

This- in writing, listing the number of times I’d raised it with the school, the written it’s clearly established you ignore bullying and racism, I’d like you to explain why the difference in approach vs hitting back , or is this difference in attitude specifically driven by the skin colour of the kids involved? I want to know. It is very well established both in studies, policy and as general knowledge that bullying inflicts severe mental health damage on children, and you let my child suffer that. I’m a relieved mum that he has done what you failed to do and ended the bullying effectively rather than him becoming suicidal as many other bullied children have, but it seems from your actions that you’d have preferred that outcome. I am taking this to the governors and have also written my mp and am prepared to take it further. I do not accept that only my son is suspended here, the other boy should have been suspended a long time ago. I expect to hear from you within 24 hours.

I’d secretly be very proud he dealt with his bully whilst being fuming that he aimed a head kick. When the bully was bigger than his victim, that was planned and premeditated. Which in law carries a greater conviction than self defence.

in terms of what I would expect the school to do, I would have documented each and every incident of racism with them up to and including this point to mitigate any sanction applied to my child. I would have been THAT parent (I frequently am). No, your son absolutely should not put up with such nasty attitudes. The other child needs to be held accountable for their behaviour. But, your son cannot be permitted to use such unreasonable force as a response, no matter how well trained he is.

I totally agree with you. Your son showed great restraint and was defending himself from something that was again instigated by the other boy. Multiple previous incidents have not been addressed properly by the school. The school has safeguarding and child protection duties of care. Your son has been subjected to repeated verbal, physical, racist and institutional types of abuse. How has the school recorded and dealt with this to prevent and protect your son from harm?

Yes, as PP have said- your son could have seriously injured the boy with this isolated incident for violence from him.
I’d be pointing out the boys REPEATED and UNPUNISHED actions could have accumulated with your son being so distressed he became suicidal. All because the school had not listened to him or you.

If you’re part of a union at work you may be entitled to some legal advice on any matter. You don’t want to be unnecessarily heavy handed. However, previous evidence is the school doesn’t listen to or support your son, knowing he’s been caused under their care. This is your son’s education and future at risk. Shit like causes childhood trauma and can affect someone for life 😡

Haven't rtft but personally I think you should teach your children to retaliate when appropriate. Sometimes a good slap is warranted.

You need to contact the governers, local authority and MP to demand an invesigation into why racism has been tolerated in the school. Sounds like an utter disgrace.

It might be worth asking your son’s teacher to talk to him about ways he can avoid an attacker’s head, when it’s another kid, to protect your son from the consequences of seriously injuring/killing someone - punches (& I imagine, kicks) to the face/head are much more likely to result in tragedy than those to the solar plexus, for example.

Yeah, I would be proud. He was seriously provoked and reacted because the school have been so awful about keeping him safe.
Hope the racist bully has been humiliated enough to back off now.

MN seems to believe that real life is like the script to a bad American movie where the bully gets what they deserve and everyone claps.

But in reality your ‘highly trained’ 14yo went directly from walking away to kicking in the head (in school shoes presumably?) and if that had gone wrong and the other kid had hit his head on the way down your DS would be the one being interviewed by police.

I would be taking him to have a conversation with his taekwondo teacher - I think he needs to understand the real life responsibilities of being capable of felling someone with one kick.

I think you have other options besides anger or pride. I find it astounding how many mothers encourage their sons to be violent and never consider how it might play out later in life, and against whom.