Should I be proud or angry??

A vast number of people seem to be preoccupied about "kick to the head" as their trigger: that might kill, that's wrong, that's disproportionate, and so forth.

But kick to the chest would be as likely to cause the bully to fall. Any blow might kill: head is not relevant, because any blow which causes the bully to fall might cause him to fall badly and break his skull or his back and die or be crippled for life.

Leave out the "kick to the head" as the thing that makes you think the victim behaved wrongly and what are you left with? After months of racial bullying, the victim finally hits the bully and knocks him down.

Do people really feel the victim is the one they want to blame, castigate and punish? Because that's what this thread makes it seem like.

I'm not outsourcing parenting to a karate teacher - I'm making my DDs understand that this is a skill, it can be used in the right situations, but I'm not the expert on that teaching and I'm not there for the conversations on how and when to use it.

And if you think I wasn't working with my friend about the out of school bullying, the school about in-school bullying, and my daughter about rising above the spoken shit, then you're wrong. But he got physical first and was going back for more when she acted. I thought she was in the right, his mother thought she was in the right - but I wanted the teacher of this particular skill to discuss with DD if the skill that they'd taught her was justified.

to be fair I have knocked 2 people unconscious in my youth. Single punch, not thought through but instinctive, and both times I was being sexually assaulted. Apparently I have a great 'get the fuck off me' reaction. So I do thing physical defense of self is allowed. And yes, as a first aider I did put both of them in the recovery position and watch them come round, advising them to get medical help if they had concussion symptoms

I don’t blame him for hitting back and I think you do need to defend yourself from bullies. Ignoring doesn’t work. However did he have to kick this kid IN THE HEAD? but also must have been quite satisfying lol

What are the guidelines from the taekwondo organisation about using head kicks as self defence?

Hi OP further to my earlier post, we asked before DS started school to see the policy on managing racism. This should set out how any incident will be handled. We reviewed and commented on it and the school were very receptive. Going back to the policy does mean you can assess how they have dealt with incidents in practice. I would have expected them to be asking other children in the class what happened and if racist terms were used. There would have been witnesses and they will speak. Sadly I am aware that in some predominantly white schools there will be a reluctance to do anything or admit there is an issue

I don't think anyone is saying that the bully is a victim. People are saying that OP's son could have made him a victim if the kick to the head had landed wrongly. It was a risky strategy and he needs to consider a better way to retaliate in future. Actually, of course, he should never have been placed in this situation if the school had responded to previous complaints and hopefully he never will again.

You should be proud of your son. He deserves all your support.
And angry with the school for disregarding the bullying. I hope you help the SMT come to their senses with a serious talk about their lack of responsibility and leadership in their actions to date which your son had no choice but to take into his own hands and rectify.

Just also talk to your son about the possibility of perfecting some kind of self defence move that doesn’t involve a kick to the head.

I agree with pp's that you need to follow up with the school regarding the racism and bullying behaviour. And think it's OK to have mixed feelings regarding your son',s response.

But as his parent you need to help him see the risks involved in what he did. That kind of retaliation won't be a viable option later in life without potentially life changing consequences. Can his taekwimdo teachers be of any help at this stage? It make hold more weight coming from them.

I wouldn't begrudge your son his school legend moment, but for his sake that needs to be balanced out by a reality check.

In today's news (from Australia) - CCTV of a man killed by a single head punch 😥

I'm in agreement with:

1. DS is brilliant
2. School needs a stern response
3. Head blow ill-advised.

He should really only kick, punch or jab an assailant who's doing it to him. His teacher can cover scenarios.

Meanwhile - well done!

Oh well, the nasty wee shit will think twice before bullying anyone again!
Everyone has their breaking point and your son had reached his.

I would expect an adult with a fully formed brain and decades of experience to have the ability to remain calm and restrain the attacker in some way.
A 14 year old kid victimized for months finally fought back to stop his attacker. I'd say that's very different.
You are expecting the victim to be in control of the situation. In this case the victim is younger and likely smaller. It seems the threat was more intense in this instance and was the last in a series of attacks and slurs. The black kid has had zero school support. A previous report was rebuffed.

No it doesn't

It makes the point that self-defence can be proportionate and effective.

The bully is expecting a cowering response.

Of, course. But all the suggestions are about what the black kid should have done differently. All that does is allow the white kid to be the victim. Where are the multitude posts saying Jeezus that white kid could have killed that black kid?

Agree with this. A kick in the head makes it sound like the son lost absolute control. Not proportional.

I don't feel sympathy for the bully at all. I wouldn't be angry at the son either. What I do tell my own kids, and what I think applies to this kid, is that they are the ones left with the consequences of the action and who will be punished if things go wrong. Even if they didn't initiate the problem.

Ahh, brilliant! Thank you.

I thought you meant external actions like:

• complain to the police (which I think op should do)
• raise a stink with the school about their lack of action (which I also think she should do) Of course these are long term actions and don't help with the immediate situation.

All that might be true. But if it was my son, I’d want them to be safe not testing out defences with a lawyer.

But I go back to the point I made, which is that you glibly say there are better ways to deal with the situation, yet you have absolutely zero suggestions about what those ways are or should be.

Low block (arae-makgi)
Middle block (momtong makgi)
High block (eolgul makgi)
Knife hand block (sonkal makgi)
Double blocks
Front kick (ap chagii)
Palm heel strike
Kick in balls
Kick in shins
Push into locker

Any move that isn't a direct blow to the head. It's the direct blow to the head and potential secondary trauma if he fell badly that is the risk here of serious consequences for the kicker.

And her son could have hit his head on a sharp corner and died as well. He showed lots of restraint and yet the bully kept picking on him so well done to him.

Bullies don't learn until you get back at them.

Not a legal argument but if you add up the proportional responses he didn’t make to each of the bullying incidences, it would amount to far more than a carefully moderated kick in the head (it was clearly carefully moderated given the damage it didn’t do and the ops sons capability); this is a child, not mentally equipped to carefully ensure each individual reaction is below the proportionality level for that individual aggression. Team ops child who should never have had to be in this position.

1. He is trained in martial arts and he didn't kick with full force - I don't think you are equipped to say how the law would regard it.
2. Yes, he runs a risk of horrible consequences. I don't think any of us have the knowledge to estimate how big that risk is - perhaps he is willing to take it.

Somebody earlier made the very sensible point that he must talk the situation through with his sensei, review his actions and consider what other options he had, so at least he can learn something from it.

But I go back to the point I made, which is that you glibly say there are better ways to deal with the situation, yet you have absolutely zero suggestions about what those ways are or should be.

It isn't a one-off. There is a pattern of race-based victimization. Proportionality may be applicable, but there are other factors to be considered, such as what happened after the act of defence.
Asserting proportionality is very interesting because it serves racial bias; it upholds unequal treatment based on race; it perpetuates stereotypes; it feeds the fear whites have of blacks; it makes racial minorities afraid to defend themselves against whites, which of course, ensures white superiority.

Self defence has to be proportional to be legal. A kick to the head isn’t a proportional response to a push, even a hard one. I would 100% sympathise but I would be very firmly drilling into him that a kick to the head is incredibly serious and he is lucky the boy is okay. It’s not about the other boy. It’s about protecting your child who is on the cusp of adulthood from potentially being arrested when the next time someone abuses him, he uses disproportionate levels of force.

Real life.....being nice, trying to be reasonble is sometimes not enough. Well done your son. We all bring our kids up to be nice and infant / junior school is all nicey nicey...then secondary school....lots of time with no adult ....between lessons etc i used to ask my child "has an adult spoken to you today"...no, so just other kids.
Kids can be pretty nasty to each other.

Sadly it’s the only way bullies leave you alone. I had to do it myself at school and almost ended up expelled!
I would continue to support him and back him up. Even if it doesn’t go well for him, your support will mean a lot.

He's also a kid, and he made a measured choice in an act of desperation in self-defence while under physical attack. The attack was not an isolated incident. He has been victimized for months.

Your assertion paints the white attacker as the victim. It perpetuates the racist myth of blacks as aggressors and whites as their victims.
It feeds the narrative that whites should be fearful of blacks.