To think that there are too many judgemental, purposely hurtful comments on MN?!

Can you link to this thread because I’d love to see the drama there.

Don't assume they're all women.

Nah, this kind of thing is once again about women being told to conform. Bottom line is OP believes that she is entitled to control women and how they present themselves because they don’t conform to her standard….. on an anonymous forum…..

There's a difference between people having a different opinion, expressing it, & saying yabu, and folk just being nasty for the hell of it.

OP - should I get this carpet or those tiles?
"I wouldnt have carpet in a bathroom, and Im not sure I like the orange and lime swirls. So definitely the tiles"
Or
"That's gross, you utter minger, why do you enjoy pissy wet carpet, is it a fetish that ypu want to drag visitors and your wider family into? You perv! Should be locked up!! As for the color- are you on drugs? People like you shouldnt be having children" etc etc

I don’t have the right to police anyone’s internet posts but I hear you OP. I judge people who post snippy comments and clearly delight in being rude, confrontational or who are attempting to develop an MN profile without any thought about who they may upset in doing so. I reserve the right to think these people are probably either quite unpleasant in real life also or saccharine people-pleaser types who lack the confidence to really say what they think in real life. Decent people with a modicum of intelligence can strongly challenge a post without being rude or hurtful.

At the end of the day though, it’s an anonymous internet forum. While I try to post as I would IRL and am mindful the poster might be very vulnerable, no one should expect to post or read comments on here (or anywhere else on the internet) without asking themselves if they’re ready and strong enough to read answers they may not like.

Are people not just giving their true honest opinions because they can when talking to strangers. In real life they are probably not as blunt with family and friends because well let’s be honest, you can’t be truly honest can you or know one would have any friends or any family who speak to them.

The absolute nerve of recently joining a forum, not getting the answers you like and instead of going elsewhere actually starting a thread to berate the other posters.

Not being kind doesn’t mean you have to be nasty. There is a middle ground and it’s possible to let someone know you think they’re being unreasonable without resorting to insults. I saw someone get called thick in a thread yesterday for something really minor.

MN may not be the place for you

I always find it fascinating how people post this kind of comment as if Mumsnet is some kind of tidal force, and if you choose to sit on the beach, you might get wet.

Can't we control ourselves and our actions on here?

I think the OP @Glitterballofdreams is brave and well-minded to post what they did.

If we don't self-reflect on these things, then we just end up in a place where AIBU becomes unreadable because people want to be one of the first 10 commenters to shame the OP and get lots of like reactions as a result.

Internet communities are only as good as the users, and the moderation.

I think MN Towers secretly likes some of the "vipers as spectator sport" stuff and doesn't moderate it as hard, because it drives more eyeballs for ads. However I got my account cancelled for saying that last time, so it's been good knowing you all!

Life is hard and not always fair, nobody wants anyone to have it any easier than them. The poor envy the rich the rich resent helping the poor. The abled look down on disabled.
In a world where everyone is controlled by the rich and powerful the only way to rise above is to push down.

People just can't help themselves. It has become acceptable now to just be a twat. I do wonder what these people are like in real life, my guess is not very nice or likeable.

Oh the irony.

MN may not be the place for you. In amongst the bitchy, nastiness there are really supportive, kind people who give good support or sometimes make you laugh. Unfortunately you have to look a lot harder these days to find them. Such a shame as it was always a bit of a cesspit but nothing like it is (yet I still love it after 22 years!).

Again, why the personal attack at the end @Redpeach ?

I find its of value to me.

I value the range of opinions, its real life. This is how people really think in real life.

The only threads I cant stand are the ones that are started to discuss a woman's appearance. Weight loss / gain, aging, plastic surgery. I wish those ones didn't exist.

You're choosing to focus on the negative, are u like that in life as well?

@Moveoverdarlin No, it was a thread about being reported to SS because of bins. Now I need to find the battery thread!

And sorry I didn't finish the post above -

Those examples actually aren't the gaslighting ones.

It is the ones where someone comes on with a really vulnerable personal one about their DH working in a small company, who has started working with a co-worker who he has invited to dinner so the OP can get to know her.

You then get the slew of people trying to make the OP uncomfortable"

"100 times out of 100 they will be shagging. Get legal advice"
"You sound insecure. Are you sure you're not the problem here?"
"You sound bitter. Maybe a gym membership and a makeover will make you less so"
"She sounds like she's got her claws in already"

etc etc

None of this based off any information from the OP, and couldn't possibly be so because the OP hasn't said anything yet in detail!

Just users who seem to delight in making the OP feel that bit more uneasy.

I'm sure though I'll be told shortly ....

"You sound invested, @JacquesHarlow "

Are your negative posts helping?

Is it ok if the poster in question should actually be embarrassed?

That's not what some people are doing though.

If people were just doing that, I'd understand. It's called AIBU for a reason.

Instead there are posters who are looking to deliberately gaslight an OP who is troubled or worried, by saying personal and difficult comments such as

"you sound unhinged"
"you should be embarrassed, OP"
"you sound lovely"
"get a f_cking grip"
"you do know you sound bonkers right?"

How is any of that helpful? It's just personal attack.

Yep, it’s feeling like it’s stopped being useful and interesting because every thread turns into a cesspit as soon as one person starts up.

I’m trying to wean myself off because it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I used to be excited to come on, now I think “Ugh, guess I’ll check Mumsnet..” I’d like to just forget it exists but it’s such an ingrained habit at this point.

I think it’s because people post everything on AIBU. If they used the appropriate board, they’re likely to get a more nuanced response. People post on here to get maximum readership and I think it’s to be expected that if you’re asking someone if you’re being unreasonable then you need to expect that some people think you are.

Was that the battery thread? That was the most entertaining thread I have read for some time. My god. I loved how the OP didn’t relent though. All the comments were making out she was killing kittens for fun.