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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cried for 90 mins

612 replies

draft123 · 13/01/2026 09:21

Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

OP posts:
Abd80 · 13/01/2026 20:17

Just keep them in bed with you it’s easier, and no tears ! It won’t last forever.
if they want to get up at 5am then that’s getting up time I’m afraid. Toddler life !

Differentforgirls · 13/01/2026 20:14

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 20:12

Are you saying op isn't going to be there for him because she put him back to bed. No parent in their right mind would give in to every little tear that's not love.

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I have no words about your attitude to tiny people who are still learning. Except, you should never had had them. You’re parenting is abusive.

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 20:12

Differentforgirls · 13/01/2026 20:08

I never left any of the two of mine crying. It wasn’t about “giving in”, it was because I loved them and wanted them to know that I would always be there.

They still know that as adults.

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Are you saying op isn't going to be there for him because she put him back to bed. No parent in their right mind would give in to every little tear that's not love.

willywallaby · 13/01/2026 20:09

What I don't get is, if you're supposed to train them not to call out for you when they wake, because it's night time and there's nothing fun to get up for... presumably it's fine for them to call out and cry until you get them out of the cot if it's 7am? So how do they know? How can they be trained specifically enough that they would wake up at 4 and think "it's 4, there's nothing to get up for" and go back to sleep. But not to do that if it's 7am? How do they know the difference in that subconscious state and know how to act appropriately?

Differentforgirls · 13/01/2026 20:08

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 19:02

You would give in?

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I never left any of the two of mine crying. It wasn’t about “giving in”, it was because I loved them and wanted them to know that I would always be there.

They still know that as adults.

Barnbrack · 13/01/2026 20:06

draft123 · 13/01/2026 09:33

Was he left alone? Did I not state I went to attend to him, out him in my bed, try to comfort him? Went in a few times? He would only stop crying by going downstairs at 4/5am. It was too early.

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But ultimately you left him screaming in his cot for an hour and a half because you didn't want to get up yet? What did you think having a toddler would be like? Bizarre. If your baby is awake you should be awake.

Differentforgirls · 13/01/2026 20:04

jamcorrosion · 13/01/2026 18:56

If that’s how long it took to get the message I would yeah. I won’t let mine learn that causing a fuss gets him his own way every time.

We know our children and when they’re trying it on

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😢

Mmmm19 · 13/01/2026 20:04

draft123 · 13/01/2026 09:41

He doesn't care about bed sharing. He doesn't find comfort in it. He wasn't going to try to go asleep. He was trying to get of the bed and was sitting upright. Didn't care for my cuddles or kisses, me talking to him. He wanted to go downstairs.

Some children don't care for bed sharing.

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please don’t worry op I can see you attended to him but all he wanted was to get up and go downstairs- I’ve been there with children that don’t settle with co-sleeping and fall asleep with cuddles but are wide awake. And if you start taking them down they will continue to wake. Maybe avoid phone next time (but as someone above wisely said we all do this stuff when exhausted). But so he doesn’t think it’s get up time and make it as boring as possible being up in the night but give some cuddles and reassurance (if he will accept them)

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 19:57

Go the fuck to sleep my favourite story book

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=teIbh8hFQos&pp=0gcJCTIBo7VqN5tD

ThisIsAGlobalPlayerOriginalPodcast · 13/01/2026 19:53

I have sympathy. In the cold light of day, I wouldn’t have done the phone thing, but equally I’ve made all sorts of wrong decisions when I’ve been beyond exhausted and just desperate for them to settle and go back to sleep.

ProfessionalPirate · 13/01/2026 19:52

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 19:37

This one incident doesn't make op a bad parent.

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No of course not. But a good parent will reflect and realise they handled it badly, and hopefully do better next time.

Delatron · 13/01/2026 19:44

Givemeachaitealatte · 13/01/2026 19:16

I had years of 4/5am wake ups with my DC.I now have to to drag my older primary kids out of bed in the mornings - it doesn't last forever. I just saw it as parenting, and got up. I think leaving a child crying for 90 mins is awful, I'm sorry if anyone thinks I'm judgemental but it is.

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Allowing your kids to get up for the day continually at 4am isn’t really great parenting. Everyone must have been knackered for years which would have a huge impact on development and health. Versus a bit of crying for a few nights.

Sleep is so important.

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 19:39

Newsenmum · 13/01/2026 19:32

You just left him crying for hours???

She didn't say hours.

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 19:38

Newsenmum · 13/01/2026 19:35

‘Give in’? Something was obviously wrong.

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He didn't want to go back to bed.

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 19:37

ProfessionalPirate · 13/01/2026 19:18

What do I have no idea about? How hard it is to be a single parent? No I don’t. But we all face different difficulties. Some worse than others. I don’t think any of them should be used as an excuse to not do our best for our children.

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This one incident doesn't make op a bad parent.

Newsenmum · 13/01/2026 19:35

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 19:02

You would give in?

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‘Give in’? Something was obviously wrong.

Newsenmum · 13/01/2026 19:33

Maybe he didnt feel well. I find it hard to understand how managed to go to sleep if he was alone crying.

Newsenmum · 13/01/2026 19:32

You just left him crying for hours???

1stimer16 · 13/01/2026 19:29

glitterpaperchain · 13/01/2026 19:24

OP's child has only just turned 2, that's literally what I'm talking about

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Jeez you're fun aren't you, I replied to your comment generalising for 2 year olds that they aren't able to understand when in fact they are depending on their emotional development

glitterpaperchain · 13/01/2026 19:24

1stimer16 · 13/01/2026 19:06

A child that has only just turned two perhaps not but a two and half nearly 3 year old absolutely does understand.

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OP's child has only just turned 2, that's literally what I'm talking about

ProfessionalPirate · 13/01/2026 19:18

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 19:11

Do you know what you are talking about? You have no idea and you're still commenting.

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What do I have no idea about? How hard it is to be a single parent? No I don’t. But we all face different difficulties. Some worse than others. I don’t think any of them should be used as an excuse to not do our best for our children.

Givemeachaitealatte · 13/01/2026 19:16

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 12:07

All the parents out there who end up with a child regularly waking at 4 or 5am probably started out thinking 'it's just this once'

If you even once let a child get up and go downstairs, you've set a precedent and they will fight much harder to be allowed to do it next time, because it's much more fun to be allowed to go downstairs and play than lay quietly in bed!! This is why so many people end up with this issue which is then 10x harder to fix with a 4 or 5 year old in a terrible habit.

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I had years of 4/5am wake ups with my DC.I now have to to drag my older primary kids out of bed in the mornings - it doesn't last forever. I just saw it as parenting, and got up. I think leaving a child crying for 90 mins is awful, I'm sorry if anyone thinks I'm judgemental but it is.

ProfessionalPirate · 13/01/2026 19:14

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 18:11

If op left him where he wàs and laid him back down he wouldn't have kicked off. He was probably confused as to why he has been returned back to bed. It's not hard to work out.

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Yes I agree that pulling him out of bed for some screen time and then putting him back to bed was never a great strategy. Although if it was as simple as laying him back down and him going straight off to sleep presumably the OP would have done that first?

If she wanted him to go back to sleep obviously she should have kept him in the Cot, but stayed with him imo.

ByWisePanda · 13/01/2026 19:11

ProfessionalPirate · 13/01/2026 19:06

Why is the single parent part relevant? Should they be held to a different standard than parents in a couple? I think it’s actually quite offensive to single parents to imply that they can’t be expected to do as good a job as any other parent.

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Do you know what you are talking about? You have no idea and you're still commenting.

1stimer16 · 13/01/2026 19:06

glitterpaperchain · 13/01/2026 19:02

Just trying to get his own way? Sorry do you think a 2yo is trying to emotionally manipulate you?

A 2yo does not have impulse control, or logic. Not being allowed a sweet when they want one IS distressing. Parents are there to help them to develop these things. A 2yo doesn't understand what time it is or that there are acceptable and not acceptable times to go downstairs. So not being able to go down when they're awake and want to is distressing. And then having your parent leave you when you are distressed is further distressing. It's our responsibility as parents to help them through these things

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A child that has only just turned two perhaps not but a two and half nearly 3 year old absolutely does understand.

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