Cried for 90 mins

I think you are asking for the best way to handle this next time rather than whether you were BU to leave him to cry, based on your replies. (It doesn’t really matter whether any of the rest of us would do this anyway - what matters is what you are comfortable with, you’re his Mum).

I think giving him your phone was the wrong thing to do - not in a judgemental sense, I just think that the stimulation from screentime will likely have woken him up even more, and also given him mixed messages as to whether it was time to get up or not. It was probably a bit confusing for him being allowed screen time, but then been put back to bed.

How do you normally get him to sleep at nap time and bedtime? That’s the tactic I would use next time.

An “ok to wake” clock might be a good idea if his communication & understanding is good, not sure if anybody else has suggested this yet!

I agree with lots of what's been said and I'm getting the idea that your DS is at risk of too much screen time. My advice:

1. Establish clear bedtime routines; bath, books then into bed.
2. Make sure your DS is not overtired - 7-7:30 sleeping, start wind-down about 6:30.
3. If he naps, ensure it's in daylight; don't darken the room.
4. At 2.2 he should be able to understand you or talk - tell him it's still bedtime if he wakes up.
5. Expert advice is for zero screen time before age 3; limit to 30mins/1 hour a day at the most.
6. If he wakes at night, do not show him your phone! The blue light will mess up his circadian rhythm and sleep patterns.
7. Go in every 10 mins or so when he's crying; rub or put your hand on his back and repeat gently 'it's still sleeping time; go back to sleep' then leave.

I hope it works out for you. It must be hard being on your own but try to resist the lure of screens as it will make this behaviour worse by removing his ability to self-settle, and cope with boredom.

I can't believe the number of people who think it's it creates good sleep routine and resilient humans by effectively ignoring your childs needs. Any sort of ignoring, cry it out etc is just teaching them that when they have an issue, no parent is coming to help. Sure, sleep is important, but so is emotional support.

Whether you stay in their room sat by their bed in the dark providing comfort with your presence, or get up and sit in comfort with them . Makes little difference in my experience hmtonhow awake they are (except sitting in your child's cold, dark room night after night is rubbish). None of it is ideal obviously , none of it lasts,and sleep issues of any sort usually have wider reasons that you need to work out the cause of (or wait for the phase to pass). Not all children are the same in terms of sleep, same is true of adults 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not bothered if people judge for lack of boundaries. It's rare my kids wake up now and they go to sleep on their own. They know that on the odd occasion they wake and are scared or worried that I'll help them settle or welcome them in next to me, very rare these days

How incredibly smug. Kid sleeps well because of “good sleep hygiene”… Hum yeah ok. Have two more and see how the good sleep hygiene serves you then!

Well they are still dictating then aren’t they? You want a 7am wake up but child says 6am. Years ago when my son went through a brief phase of waking at 5:30am and I allowed him to be up for the day, I was failing him as a parent by your standards. Meanwhile, there are posters on this thread who wouldn’t entertain a wake up before 7am, so by their standards you are failing by theoretically allowing your child to wake at 6. I guess we all have different boundaries.

FWIW, my son’s early-waking phase was very short lived and he grew out of it without any particular intervention on my part, and certainly without being left to cry in the mornings.

Your repeated ‘concern’ about early risers being sleep deprived is a nonsense anyway. All the early riser kids I’ve ever known had extra early bedtimes and/or long naps to compensate and ended up with more or less the same amount of sleep overall as the later risers.

Yes indeed, what constant reassurance? Watching them on a baby monitor?!

I have a similar age child and he occasionally cries for downstairs like this, usually though it’s because he wants something that’s downstairs. So I’ll try and work out what that is, be it milk, food, a toy and then I’ll bring that to him. I’ll put his Tonie on so he can listen to a story and explain it’s still night time so back to sleep

I’m with you 4/5am is too early to be going downstair, I would absolutely not be doing that, but I think I’d try to problem solve a little more and offer some alternatives in the cot. I do let mine cry for a bit, I know Mumsnetters don’t like it but I think there’s a balance, but I don’t know if could stand it for 2 hours (not judging btw just my personal tolerance level)

Your reference to how you would hate to be dependant on someone else for sleep?

I’m sure there are many adults that can’t sleep properly at night, but they didn’t get that way because the were cuddled at night when they were children.

I don't think it counts as reassurance if the child isn't reassured by it, and cries despite it.

Where is the constant reassurance?

I appreciate that but that was one poster out of dozens of us reporting that early wakeups were a rarity and our children have developed into fantastic sleepers despite being nurtured at night.

We are talking about the OP’s scenario are we not? She went back to bed. I don’t know what you definition of ‘up and down’ over the space of 90mins would be but ‘once or twice’ in the OP’s case wouldn’t cut it for me. Not even close.

Fine not to get the child up as long as you are prepared to comfort and reassure. It’s my personal preference to stay with the child because I think being in and out just simulates them further, but it’s each to their own. It’s also fine imo to accept defeat after a while and get up for the day. Trying to soothe a child back to sleep who is absolutely wide awake and ready to start the day is a tough gig. Better to move on and focus on strategies during the day that encourage longer sleep at night.

I have a huge amount of sympathy for any parent facing this challenge on a regular basis. I can’t judge them if they chose to keep them in their cot and sit with them, bring them into their bed, or take them downstairs and switch the tv on. Needs must. And I hate the judgy ‘rod for your own back’ brigade that always have far too much to say about how new parents look after their own babies and infants. But leaving them alone to cry? Nah.

I need the TV/music on as I am ND and yes it helps. My mum certainly didn't get up with me at 4am. My kids can fall asleep easily and stay asleep now, I got up with them early when they woke up for the day when toddlers.

If it becomes a habit, maybe get a groclock. Try and teach him when the owl is blue, it’s bed time.

A sleep trained baby's sleep is also broken, if the goal of sleep training is for them to put themselves back to sleep when they wake. I get to mine almost immediately when he wakes up and he's back to sleep within a couple of minutes. He's not sleep deprived. I'm sleep deprived but that's a matter of my own priorities. Don't make out that changing my night routine would be for the benefit of my child.

For a two year old the normal range is between 11 & 14 hours in a 24 hour period however anything between 9 & 16 hours is considered healthy. My best friends little boy has high sleep needs and can easily do a 12 hour night and a 3 hour nap - we are always joking that she has a completely different parenting experience to me 😅

Anyway I couldn’t really care less 😂

You’re not getting enough sleep by your own admission.
His sleep seems to be broken which could be better

My son gets about 11 hours a night plus nap. Is that not enough?

I do think a lot of parents do this - I would LOVE my child to sleep 7-7 but found out the hard way that it isn’t happening 😂. If your child sleeps 12+ hours then that’s amazing, but if they are low sleeps needs then unfortunately you can’t have both an evening and a lie in until they are old enough to sort themselves out. You just have to get up and parent!

If you've got the routine right, no child is waking up at 4am to play. Either they are being put to bed too early, having too much sleep in the day or they ate unwell/ in discomfort!

When mine were 1, they got 12 hours, and so did I! It’s possible. You just don’t want to listen for some reason.

where have a said that?

There are MANY adults that can’t sleep properly at night. Many need the tv on to fall asleep for example

I often don't get enough sleep because I help my 1 year old get back to sleep when he wakes up, and sometimes that means waking up a few times a night, and I can't always get back to sleep easily after. He is not sleep deprived though. He gets plenty of sleep because I get him back to sleep quickly every time.

The conversation has moved in to a more general discussion

It is hard work isn’t it? But sleep is so
important for everyone. You put the work in don’t you. Rather than get up and start your day at ridiculous 0’clock.