Cried for 90 mins

She did leave him to cry. She checked on him and then left him in the room. Sure, she watched him on the monitor but he didn't know that.

Sorry, but I completely disagree. This is one occasion where the child had been comforted and told it was nighttime. The OP didn't leave him to cry. She had checked on him. She even has a monitor so she can see him. I'm fairly sure she knows her child better than any of us, and is clearly a decent, loving mother to have asked the question in the first place.

Children absolutely need to learn to self-soothe. If you never let them figure it out, they will likely grow up being oversensitive and insecure. Being a good parent is just as much about setting boundaries as it is about offering comfort, and there needs to be a balance if we don't want to nurture a generation of pathetic snowflakes.

How do you know he hadn't had a nightmare? So many posters making statements about how this 2 year old definitely didn't feel to justify his mother not responding to him.

How do you know he wasn't in pain, hungry, scared or unwell? Perhaps asking to go downstairs was the only way he could communicate he was in some sort of discomfort.

Agreed. It’s ridiculous that you would let a child of 2 have its own way in the middle of the night. She went into him he knew she was there and I bet he was not left in a dark room, He hasn’t had a nightmare he just wanted up to plsy.

we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

Never give a child a phone to watch if you want them to sleep - it will just wake them up even more, and gives them mixed messages about what is night time and what is day time.
At night, there are no activities, and no light beyond a dim night-light. His only options are to lie in the semi-dark being bored (crying or not), or to go back to sleep. Don't get him out of his bed/cot. Go in every 20-30 mins and tell him firmly "it is still night time, go back to sleep", then leave the room again immediately. Doing anything else is just adding activity and stimulation, making him wake up more.

The issue is that you can't stand his crying.
You are just heading into the worst of the toddler years, when crying becomes an emotional tool. You have to develop a deaf ear to the crying-because-not-getting-what-I-want (whilst obviously still being alert to crying-because-pain/hungry/cold, etc.)
He is not a helpless baby anymore.

How do you know he wasn't scared or lonely?

But he wasn't actually scared or lonely. He was just having a tantrum because the OP wouldn't take him downstairs.

It would be different if it was a tiny baby crying, but this a two-year-old yelling because he didn't get his own way, not a baby with separation anxiety.

Sorry but no.
OP had gone to him. He wasn't wet, in pain, hungry, scared or unwell. He wanted to get up and it wasn't time so he threw a tantrum.
Big difference between that and leaving a toddler with an ear infection or wet nappy to cry.

My 15m old gets up between 4.30 and 5am we go downstairs and start the day. My daughter now 13 was the same. I believe some children are just early risers. We go to bed early and he has a long nap to counter act. Maybe your son needs a similar routine? (I dont enjoy it but we are used to it now)

Of course it was the wrong thing.

Never leave a child to cry, the only thing it teaches them is that noone comes to help when they're upset, scared, ill or whatever.

I've done my time I played good cop and bad cop. It's not a bad thing leaving your child to figure it out. They will get bored eventually and find something to do. My children were very creative when they were young we bought them the right toys that will stimulate their imagination. Even up to this day they love being creative and learning new things. I was a strict parent I wouldn't pander to tantrums. If you think it's bad now wait until they hit puberty and the tantrums become strops. I survived all of it and my kids kept their self respect and dignity. The amount of teenagers in sexual health clinics is ridiculous because they can't parent their daughters so they put them on the pill. It's a pattern of pandering to your child's every discomfort.

When my youngest was that age in the 80s, dummies were acceptable and that would have soothed your little one back to sleep. Nowadays most things that worked for us in those dark ages are deemed totally disgraceful/unnacceptable/child neglect and yet a single parent still needs enough sleep to function. My child grew up to be an amazing person with straight teeth and no attachment issues (and also used a dummy with their first born).

My children are grown work it out yourself.

Being a good parent is saying no and leaving them to feel upset or cry it out.

This is an insane thing to say! CIO is absolutely not on the list of things that makes someone a good parent?!

And comforting them after saying no is completely normal! You're not supposed to GIVE IN after saying no surely. So don't go downstairs at 4am, but also dont leave them to cry for over an hour? After you woke them up more by giving them your phone?

What about parents wanting to comfort a crying child is bizarre to you?

nonsense.
I can say no, commiserate with my child over their feelings, comfort them in their upset and still maintain a no. acknowledging their feelings and letting them feel loved and supported isn't giving in and isn't detrimental.
if my kid wants the telly on and I say no and they get upset, I wouldn't walk out and come back when they've stopped crying. I'd acknowledge they feel sad, explain why I said no, offer a cuddle and help them to find something out to do because they're small and their emotions are huge.

But a persistently exhausted mother is not a good mother. It is not 'terribly wrong' to teach your children boundaries from a young age. You make it sound like she did nothing to appease him, and simply abandoned him. It's also completely impractical to start the day at stupid o'clock if you have other children that need to get up for school the next day, or you have to go to a job feeling permanently knackered.

A toddler doesn't dictate the routine. An adult teaches them a healthy routine so the whole family doesn't go batshit crazy. My strapping (now 18-year-old) survived just fine with plenty of cuddles and kisses and a bedtime routine that we (largely) stuck to because it works. Yes, he tested the boundaries and it took us a while to work through it, but we persevered. Kids usually respond very well to routine unless there are extenuating circumstances.

She monitored him and knew he was fine. He won't turn into a delinquent because he didn't get his own way. Being a good parent is saying no and leaving them to feel upset or cry it out. You can't comfort them when you told them no it defeats the whole idea. You can't be nice all the time. You have to follow through no is no you can't comfort them after they won't believe you next time. They will leave one day to become independent without you and hopefully will understand boundaries and when someone says no.

I didn't bring class into it. That was another pp.

I do realise what it's like to be a single parent, I am one. I shoulder everything. I still wouldn't leave my child to cry for an hour and half. I know what it's like to be frazzled to the point of burnout, the OP asked whether it was okay and lots of pp pointed out that it wasn't okay to leave your 2 year old to cry for 90 mins and made suggestions of what to do.

Getting any understanding or empathy from these so called mother's who claim that they are "CARING" is like getting blood out of a stone it's never going to happen. You're bringing class into it now. Well a lot of you sound privileged and lucky to have the energy, and time to sleep with your children. The op has everything on her shoulders no one to share it with. Most of you don't understand the pressure and what it feels like. That's a different anxiety to walk with and all you want to do is knock her down and talk shit. I hope your children never have to struggle and turn to any of you for support because all they will receive is a lot of judgement and abuse.

She's a tired woman doing all of the work and child raising herself. Class has got nothing to do with how she chooses to parent her child.

You do realise single mum's can be middle and even upper class.

You took him to your bed and he stopped crying. You could have read him a story. A phone is too stimulating.
Highly likely he would fall out of a four poster bed!Maybe put him to bed a bit later then he won't wake up so early .

Going by some of these responses you could be judged for making a fuss, and laying them down next to you. Others could class that as lazy parenting and you can't be bothered to parent your child. Other mothers will judge you for the smallest thing if they think they can do it better than you.