Cried for 90 mins

It was healthy for mine and I don’t regret a day of it.

Alternatives to this scenario would have been - reading him a few stories, patting, singing etc until he's ready to go back to sleep (no screen time necessary), putting some soothing stories on in his room and sitting with him, putting some stories on and leaving him if he's happy to listen to them, getting up with him and trying to put him down again after an hour or so (maybe giving a drink of warm milk etc).

Plenty of options that don't involve your small child crying by themselves in the dark.

Ditto.

Is “a bit” 90 minutes and is it because he’s dared to wake up for the day in the morning?

Oh for gods sake why are you being so dramatic OP clearly said child was brought to her bed and she went in child’s room a couple of times.

Being in their own bedroom in their own bed is hardly being trapped alone and in the dark like they’re being held hostage.

We all know toddlers can be irrational and hard work - I’m also a single parent and I’ve had to get strict with my DS who has just turned 3 as he is pushing boundaries and learning what works for him. Sometimes that means putting him in his room and locking the baby gate and let him cry for a bit. He’s safe, but he isn’t listening and we have to break the momentum.

Sorry we’re not all perfect loving mums like you clearly are 🙄

@draft123I’ve not seen anyone else consider this but could it be that he wants to be out of his room because of the baby monitor/camera? There’s a remote chance he could be being repeatedly woken up if someone has hijacked it. It happened to my friend and her toddler went from sleeping well to being tired and tearful for months until she heard talking in his room one evening, which stopped as soon as she entered (as she was visible on camera). Scared the life out of her but she reset everything and he instantly went back to being a good sleeper. Might be worth turning off the WiFi, unplugging the camera/monitor and resetting the password just to be safe.
Sorry if someone else has said this as I haven’t read all the comments. Nothing to lose by doing it though.

So instead of getting up with him at 4/5am you just lay in bed listening to him scream for an hour and half? Because it’s “too early” to be awake?

Literally what is the point in that? Neither of you slept. You just wanted to teach him a lesson and he’s TWO. No he wasn’t “having a tantrum”. He’d woken up. In the morning. As people do. His body clock woke him up.

Tough titties being woken up at 4/5am in part of parenting TWO year olds.

Sorry, am I reading this right? You left your two year old to cry alone for 90 minutes total, whilst you watched him on the baby monitor? And maybe went in twice, so that could have been 45 mins crying by himself each time?

Yes of course you were wrong!

The fact that in the UK we need to be up by 7 to start work at 9 has nothing to do with biology. A child that wakes naturally at 6AM will not benefit from being left to cry for an hour before their parents get up. If they need more sleep, then they should be put to bed earlier. As I said before, you can encourage them to sleep longer, but you can’t force them.

Who decides how much sleep they need? I would say that they do.

Op is a single parent it must be tough and tiring for her.

but pp hasn't mentioned dayLIGHT she said daytime.

The majority of settings - educational, professional, retail etc work around a rough 9-5 schedule.

Some start at 8 and finish at 6.

School clubs are normally done by 4.30.

Lots of people work shifts or long days bit its fair to say that most operating hours fall within the 8-6 window.

Which means people generally get up a certain time before to get fed, washed and dressed before leaving and doing our primary objective. We call that day time. It has no baring on the location of the sun or moon, or the moon, who has been known to hang around long past her bedtime.

Then that finishes and its roughly speaking night time. Whilst in general its linked with sunrise and sunset, we all know that geography and clock changes mean this isn't actually realistic and night-time begins regardless of the position of the sun.
hth

I cant help thinking cuddles, talking, reading books either in bed or downstairs are immeasurably better than being left to cry

Which is what he should have been given. How do you measure “real tears” btw?

Op is a single parent

Sleep needs vary by child. I track my 1 year old's sleep on an app and he gets about 12.5 hours every 24 hours and there's very little variation at the moment. No matter what happens - early or late morning, early or late bedtime, long or short nap, one or two naps, no matter what happens he's still getting about 12.5hrs. If I see in the app that he's already had 8.5 hours of sleep, then if I put him to bed before 8 o clock I know he will compensate by either being awake for an hour in the night or being up an hour early. I think children get the sleep they need to have, one way or another. If that doesn't fit with your adult schedule then you need to adjust their naps and bedtime and so forth. You can't force them to sleep when they don't need to.

Give it whatever the situation? That’s not healthy

Oh I really do feel for you @draft123

My youngest regularly woke at 2 / 3am when she was about 2 years old, wanting to go downstairs. I used to say only for 10 minutes then it is back to bed. This did seem to work, and thankfully it was a very short phase for her.

The crying could have been out of frustration at not being able to go downstairs. It could have been due to night terrors. Sometimes it can be difficult to pinpoint the reason why.

It is good that your DS likes to be in his own bed. Rather than watching something on your phone, I would suggest trying something like a galaxy projector in his room which may help him settle? My teenage DD had one for Christmas, and it is absolutely fascinating to watch. It also plays different sounds, such as birdsong, the sea, white noise etc. Something like this may help him to settle better. They are around £25 / £30 on Amazon, so not too expensive either.

I hope you are able to sort a solution soon.

Fake tears for 90 minutes? Give me a break. Just being trapped alone in a cot in the dark for 90minutes is enough to cause genuine distress. Would you do it any other time of the day?

I ‘pandered’ to all of my children’s night and early morning wakings by giving them attention of some description and they developed into brilliant sleepers.

But you think it's fine to show Teletubbies on a phone at 4am and then send them back to bed?

he;s 2, you have no idea why he wanted to go down or how real his tears were. just because kids can't verbalise their every thought and feeling doesn't mean they don't have them,
maybe he had a nightmare and didn't want to be in his room. maybe he was hungry or thirsty or lonely. Maybe genuinely wasn't tired and felt abandoned by his Mom. lots of reasons a 2 year old might have been crying and needing attention rather than fake crying to be naughty

No it's not ok to put him back in the cot and leave him to cry for that long. It's distressing to them!

My 2 year old also doesn't relax in my bed. If he wakes up I comfort him see if he will settle if not I go downstairs regardless of the time!! Change him, give him a drink, cuddle him

Of course young kids and babies cry for attention they can't talk properly!

What is the problem going downstairs that early?
Next time comfort him, if he won't settle after 20 minutes go downstairs! Give him a drink or some milk, change his nappy, then see if he will settle again for another hour or so.

What a sad way to look at a child. If it’s attention he wants GIVE IT. You chose to have him, not the other way about.

I’m saying, we all generally need to be up and about around 6/7 because that’s how our society is set up.

Children generally need to be asleep by 7/8 to get enough sleep ready for the next day.

Nothing I’m saying is hard to understand.

This exactly!