Cried for 90 mins

I do actually find it difficult tbh 😂

He doesn't know it's 4am! He doesn't understand about time! He can't learn that 4am is day time because he doesn't know what 4am is! All he knows is he's awake now and he can't sleep and nobody's doing anything about it.

You don’t adjust it by leaving them to cry in the mornings. You adjust it by making sure they get plenty of exposure to sunlight in the afternoons to regulate melatonin and cortisol, no screens before bed and a calm, consistent routine. Adjusting nap times etc.

I know right?!

The thread is in AIBU? It won't end until they fill it up with pure judgement.

Actually staying in bed and in the dark will have an influence. It’s getting up, looking at bright lights and eating for example is what influences circadian rhythms.

You also have the reward of getting up in the middle of the night and watching TV, having breakfast etc. This only perpetuates the issue.

Some people might be happy to get up and start their day at 4am every day. But the OP is not.

She did deal with him and then she put him back to bed. Is this AIBU? Only a few has given good advice the rest is pure judgement.

Getting up will reinforce to him that 4am is day time. Not getting up will reinforce to him that 4am is night time.

God it’s exhausting here.

I find it so odd that people are overprotective of children crying at night but are perfectly rational during the day and understand that kids cry because they want what they can't have.

My child has cried for a whole hour because I would let her grab the scissors. Over the top tantrum but obviously I wasn't going to hand them over!

You can do the distraction/cuddling/feeding tricks but if they're stubborn toddlers they can go for a very long time. It doesn't make you a bad parent if you don't give your child what they want when it's not appropriate for them to have it.

OP my advice next time is to cuddle until calm, put them back in their bed, say goodnight or whatever you say when you leave the room and go out. And repeat this until your DC gives in and goes to sleep. This sets the expectation that mummy is there for them but they don't get what they want. After a few nights of this they learn the lesson.

‘Trapped in his cot - alone and in the dark’ 😂

He was safe in a warm bed. There’s nothing wrong with keeping it dark at nighttime. Strangely it helps with sleep.

Most parents can distinguish between a tantrum and genuine illness/distress. So let’s not judge the OP on that. She’s his Mum.

Giving in to tantrums and getting up at 4am may be some people’s idea of good parenting.

But sleep is important and you can influence body clocks. What do you think happens when you go to a different time zone? You don’t keep getting up at 4am UK time….

Some people need less sleep that’s true. But nobody needs to be getting up at 4am for the day. That’s unhealthy and as parents we can help with sleep patterns and habits.

You get up at 4am and put the TV on? Yep that’s one way to have an ‘early riser’ for a long time.

It’s you that seems to be struggling to follow the timeline of the OP

How has he been helped to adjust by being left to cry for that long? He was still awake the whole time so his body clock will still recognise that he woke at 4.

which definitely isn't alone in the dark for over and hour

majority

most

generally

do you need me to define those words?

no one is claiming a universal time limit on daytime and night-time. but in general society, most people can generally come to an approximate consensus on which hours fall into daytime and night-time.

no one would consider midnight as day time.
no one would consider midday as night time.

if you're a farmer, you might consider 4 am as daytime, if you work in a bar it is probably definitely nighttime.

if you're toddler is crying and in distress, you should deal with them regardless of whether its night time, day time, you're a farmer or a barmaid or both.

The biology part is the part where we can adjust given the right environment

I don't know what you do with your children, but I have never allowed mine to cry for an extended period of time.

Unless something is wrong with him then it's fake tears. The op being a single parent has to use her energy wisely and not pander to every tantrum.

Read again it is 90mins. OP says he woke at 4:15, went into her bed initially but was put back into cot after 10mins. Where she left him until he fell asleep at 6, checking on him once or twice.

We’re you a single mum?

OP ‘clearly’ said that the child was brought into her bed for 10 minutes of phone time, after which he was put back in the cot for the 90minute period during which she checked on him ‘once or twice’.

Putting your child behind the gate to cry for a few moments while you take some deep breaths - we’ve all done something like that at some point. It’s a million miles away from 90minutes in a cot while you go back to bed.

It was just an example - OP didn’t say he was left alone for 90 minutes. She went in the room and was watching on the camera.

4.15am is hardly a standard morning wake up time

OP you've posted this in AIBU....perhaps ask MNHQ to move your thread to Parenting threads or something.

What’s that got to do with my post?

Tell that to farmers who get up at 4am to start their day. We don’t all work in an office.

Does nobody on here actually read?

She clearly said she took child into her bed and when she put child back in their own bed she popped in a couple times and watched on the camera.

I honestly do not understand this forum sometimes - why is everyone so quick to jump on another parent and immediately assume the worst. It’s so judgemental and completely unhelpful.

Not a single person that exists is a perfect parent - advice can be given kindly even if it’s a disagreement.