Cried for 90 mins

You take it literally. People did warn me about this site it's like a witch hunt rather than a place of support for new parents.

I wouldn't waste your time asking anything on here OP. The majority of mumsnetters are batshit. They mostly think you should co sleep until they are 10 and not let them cry for even 5 seconds... The same people who then complain they haven't slept for 10 years or had 5 minutes to themselves and are run ragged. What you did is fine and is normal

Erm because she asked directly if she did anything wrong, in the topic called Am I Being Unreasonable.

If my child wakes at 1 I try very hard to get him back to sleep, by bringing him into my bed and trying to cuddle him to sleep and usually that works. But if it's obvious it isn't working then we get up and play with toys and shortly he'll seem tired enough to go back to bed.

What utter ridiculous whataboutism. Of course 4am (or 5am, OP changes her mind) isn’t the same as 1am.

At 4am a 2 year old has had 8/9/10 hours sleep depending on when they went down. Parenting that’s “the middle of the night” when most people are up and ready for the day at 5/6/7am is obtuse.

“Watching on the camera” is leaving him alone and sticking you head in twice in 90 minutes doesn’t really cut it with a 2 year old.

No 4.15am (or 5, OP keeps changing her mind) isn’t a standard wake up time but it’s not unusual for 2 year olds to occasionally wake up an hour or 2 earlier than their parents would like.

Why should she accept your judgement.

What was wrong with just going downstairs? 5am isn't early for some people to be up, fully rested, and going about their days.

Perhaps he is an early person?

Is there not a sofa, television, some places where he could have rested without him getting out if he decided to nap? Isn't there somewhere close by in the same room, if you were tired too?

A child left crying for 90 minutes ..even if you're allegedly checking on him .is unacceptable. Anything could have been wrong. Plus, you have neighbors, anybody could have been riding or strolling by and could have reported you.

If you're extremely overwhelmed and exhausted, perhaps you might look into someone coming to care for him a few hours or something...

Taking your frustration and exhaustion out on him isn't right. He isn't responsible for your decision to have him.

I think the comments have become more intense because OP didn’t seem to want to listen to them.

I said in no way did I agree with bringing him i. to her bed and getting the phone out. In fact nobody on this thread has said that was a good idea (and I think you know that).

I would also personally have popped in regularly. But I would have kept it boring, dark with little talking. You just repeat ‘Mummy’s here but it’s still nighttime - go back to sleep’. And repeat. You do not get up and put the TV on….

It isn't ideal, we want babies to develop an understanding of the world where their parent will consistently respond to their needs. As a one off there's probably no harm done, but I would try to avoid doing it regularly.

You are fixed on the crying being because they wanted to go downstairs, but you can't know that. 2 is too young to be manipulating you, there was something they needed (even if it was just comfort) and they were communicating it in the only way they can.

I do have two children. They did sleep well. I was lucky. But the odd time they woke up at 4/5am they were putback to bed and told it was night time. And repeat. Then they’d go back to sleeping normal hours.

’Understand why they woke up’. OP has said why he woke up - because he wanted to go downstairs. Or do we just let two year tantrums dictate our lives these days. Maybe I am old school. It was 16 years ago.

Everybody wakes up in the night. Adults do. It’s normal. There doesn’t need to be a reason. We do all need to learn to go back to sleep when we wake up. Not tantrum to get up.

I wouldn’t have left them for hours crying. I would have kept popping back in. Keeping the light off, reassuring that it was nighttime and time to go back to sleep. Keep it all boring. In my mind 4am is the same as 1am. What do you all do if they wake wanting to go downstairs at 1am? You get up then?!

If he wasn’t in pain, or needing anything, nothing wrong with letting him get over it.

It will be a lot harder for anyone to get back to sleep at 4am vs 1am so they are not quite the same thing. But even at 1am… I’m going to go into my crying child and comfort them, not leave them crying for 90mins. Even the Ferber method would a) have you going in every few mins to begin with and b) tell you not to dream of starting sleep training at 4AM because the sleep pressure just isn’t high enough.

Plus I don’t think there’s a sleep consultant in the world who would recommend 10mins watching a phone then throwing them back in the cot at 4:30 and shutting the door

It's a shame op had a pile on I would have asked what the nap routine was in the day. He may need to drop a nap or have it earlier. The self righteous came on instead.

Agreed!

Lie on the sofa while the kid potters about. Go back to bed when he gets tired. Same amount of sleep for both of them and less distress. The OP didn't actually get any sleep by doing what she did.

Do you even have children? I assume you do to be on this thread but you seem to have absolutely no empathy or understanding of how a 2 year old’s mind works.

No one is suggesting that 4:15 is a good time to get up but once it’s happened, it’s done. No point trying to reverse time. Best thing to do is to try and understand why they woke up and prevent it from happening again the next day. It’s sounds from OP’s post that this is not a daily occurrence.

It’s perfectly possible to be with your child when they wake and comfort them without it becoming a ‘thing’.

OP clearly has some reservations about how she handled it, or she wouldn’t have started this thread in the first place.

Takes a few nights of consistency. Or you can just get up at 4….

4am should be treated the same as 1am.

We don’t actually know what happened the following night.

think a lot of people do! isn't that where those sunlight alarm clocks got invented?! and the whole seasonal affective disorder thing

100%

What should an exhausted single parent do?

Ok fair enough I’ve misread - I still don’t think it’s for all the judgement and mean comments.

She probably knows it wasn’t the perfect thing to do - hence asking on here.

We’ve all done things maybe we shouldn’t have but sometimes sanity comes first. He wasn’t at risk

It didn't help though did it, it didn't help him go to sleep.