Cried for 90 mins

The cry out method is harmful

Are you really berating someone about empathy in a vile message like that?

Do better

Where's your empathy you are saying that to a single parent

Why assume that’s what was learned? Why have you decided they can learn one thing, but not the other?

'It's just a noise to show he wants something' well duh???? You talking is just noise as well??? Should everyone ignore you too? I actually despair at the lack of empathy it disgusts me, you are a parent do better.

No advice because you clearly don't actually care about the wellbeing of your child so it would be a waste of my time

Obviously, if I thought all children were NT I wouldn’t have mentioned NT at all, I would have simply stated ‘children’ 🙄

You referred to 2 year olds across the board typically having 2 hour tantrums so clearly you were including NT children in that.

I would merely say that it’s not something I’ve experienced or even heard of in NT 2 year olds. I know ND children have meltdowns that can be much more severe, but I don’t really know much about that.

If op left him where he wàs and laid him back down he wouldn't have kicked off. He was probably confused as to why he has been returned back to bed. It's not hard to work out.

Ignore the hate, he’ll be fine. It’s similar to the cry it out method and no harm will be done.

I think that the answer to your question is you can't do anything but: get up (once you've tried for a while - I'd say probably longer than 10 minutes tbh, but each to their own! - to get him back to sleep) or leave him to cry. You've got to be the one to decide which you're OK with. You seem conflicted as you don't seem comfortable with him crying for that long (or why would you be asking?) but also won't get up. I think you just have to accept it for what it is and own your decision. Definitely don't involve the phone if you're wanting to try help him back to sleep but at the same time accept the fact that (even if you don't use the phone), once awake, he may just not go back to sleep for a long while. If you're going to leave him in his room and let him cry for 90 minutes during that time and you just wanted someone other than your mother to agree that it's fine so you can feel more comfortable about it, then you've got what you wanted. There are numerous reasons why people wouldn't leave their child to cry for that long. It doesn't make them bizarre. It makes them different to you. Don't expect them to have a different point of view because it was too early for you to get up. I personally wouldn't want to listen to that for so long, what ever the time. I can't imagine waking up afterwards and feeling good, but I imagine some people think they've done something proactive about the situation and feel fine. Up to you how you feel but you were never going to get everyone in agreement.

You left a crying distressed 2yo alone without comfort? Is this serious? What kind of parent does this? You're like 'well shoving a screen in his face didn't work so I just left him' are you serious?

Not all children are NT…

Agreed.

The idea “we stay in bed until morning” will not have been processed and understood at all. The child has learned he can cry for long periods and not be attended to.

Yeah I have to say I’ve never experienced a 2 hour tantrum in a NT child, either mine or anyone else’s! Maybe I’ve just been lucky 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nope. Not convinced at all.

Children have tantrums for two hours?

You can’t wave a magic wand and make someone who is wide awake fall back asleep. As evidenced by OP’s child who didn’t manage to get back to sleep until 2 hours later presumably due to sheer exhaustion.

Anyway, I don’t dispute that 4:15 is not an acceptable time to wake for the day. I just massively disagree with OP’s way of dealing with it.

Because if theyre inconsolable about it then it gives them something else to focus on and think about so they can stop crying and hopefully get back to sleep without getting themselves too worked up to settle again.

I would have gone in, cuddled, offered a drink, changed nappy and laid him back down with my hand on his back for a bit. Then left the room. I would have let him cry and then settled him and left the room again. With minimal talking, singing or eye contact.

4am is too early, to be going downstairs or be flaffing about with phones (which woke him up more). If you put them in your bed they will get up in the night - expecting to get into your bed. To each their own but I could NEVER sleep with a little one in the bed. I just hated being squashed between my boiling hot DH and fidgety toddler. Lots of parents do it, then complain when their 7 year old still wont settle in their own bloody bed and they're knackered.

I think 5am is the given time to accept your wake up with a toddler. Shit as it is.

Hopefully its a little phase, but if you dont stick to your guns this will be the expectation every morning.

2 year olds very much can get themselves worked up in to a tantrum for hours. It happens in the day so why not in the night.

The trick is to not get up and start your day at 4am. You can pop in sporadically to reassure. Keeping the room dark and talking minimal.

Everyone wakes multiple times a night.
Clearly when he woke, he decided it was time to go downstairs. But it wasn’t time to go downstairs, it was time to fall back to sleep.

Fake tears for two hours 😱

We’re going round in circles - he didn’t wake because he wanted to go downstairs. How can a desire to go downstairs wake someone up? It’s not a physical sensation like hunger or thirst or needing the loo. He woke for some other reason and then subsequently wanted to go downstairs.

I don’t dispute that he then had a tantrum if that’s what the OP says. But the way to deal with a tantrum - whatever time of the day or night - can never be to chuck them in a cot and ignore them for 90 minutes. I have no doubt that after 90 minutes of this treatment that his distress would have been very genuine, no matter what it started out as.

She doesn’t have to accept a judgement, but she might want to consider an opinion without dismissing it out of hand. Otherwise what was the point of starting the thread?

He could be having too many naps in the day. We won't know now the op has left. I don't blame her for not returning to the witch trials.

@draft123

NIGHT TERRORS

Common, but weird. The child appears 100% awake. Eyes wide open. And seems to know who you are. But are asleep. Ds used to have this all the time when 2 and 3. Especially when tired, excited or a bit fevered with a cold etc. Ds’s episodes were characterised by wanting to go downstairs, back up and so on.

The advice we had was to not engage or provide stimulation. Just stay near ( in case of sleepwalking) and calm till it passed.