I can't tell if it is lovely that my dad has this friend, or concerning?

Until you have evidence to the contrary, it's lovely. She probably looks up to him, is interested in what he has to say and feels concerned that he was suddenly widowed. Her partner is involved so she's not trying to seduce him.

My old neighbour was a 90 year old man (I'm in my 30s). He was such a good friend to me. I had no grandparents and his grandchildren didn't often visit. I was at home a lot due to having young kids and we would chat most days. Would sometimes cook him dinners or go get him his newspapers. He taught me so much. I still miss him actually. It's funny because even though there was 60 years between us it didn't feel like it. I'm an old soul and he was young at heart.

i do understand your concerns though. Maybe try and meet her that will put your mind at rest.

I think it could be both lovely and concerning. By that I mean that the friendship is probably a genuine thing that brings them both pleasure and involves no ulterior motive. But it's possible that over time it might become more and more important to your dad and that could have consequences.

Does your dad like living in London or would he prefer to be near you or your sister?

Yeah, as a "forriner" I also wondered exactly the same when I read OP's post. Of courses she'll come back to say it doesn't matter but, then, why mention it at all?

Here is the thing. She is there and you are not.

If you are concerned. Be. There.

Sounds innocent and nice, but I would be keeping an eye. Of course he is not going to tell you is anything concerning has happened because he likely know's you'd worry.

But I do think its also very possible it is just a nice friendship that has developed between two people who sound intellectually matched (and maybe don't find many other people who are willing to engage with thought sparring with them).

The fact she has a piano also suggests she is not too hard up.

You're the only one whining, lecturing and jibber jabbering on here. What on earth is wrong with you? You responded to a sentence with an outpouring of smug vitriol.

The poor young woman has done nothing wrong. She is working and has a boyfriend. She enjoys your father’s company and he hers, plus they’ve exchanged thoughtful gifts. She’s hardly some freeloader! YABVU.

Intergenerational friendships are much more common in many overseas countries compared to the UK.

Unless she’s an evolutionary biologist, and that book was a first edition of Darwin’s On the Origin of Species, I suspect there’s nothing to worry about.

I'm nearly seventy and I talk to young people all the time. Usually about computers, fast cars, and hard style techno, and other stuff us old farts are not supposed to be interested in, what with all that cognitive decline. 🙄😂

It sounds lovely that. She probably misses having family around her so it’s a win for both.

It is still a good idea to keep mindful of things and keep an ear out for anything that sounds untoward.

I'm 'not from' the UK and doing an MBA. I have a 90 something neighbour that used to be a professor at my university who I see struggling up and down our street. I refrain from getting too friendly because I don't want to be accused of wanting to manipulate an old person for their money, as you so kindly do.

They remind me of my grandparent and I also don't have family here.

If your father's friend was 'from here' would it make a difference?

Anyway - she's not from the UK. Many countries outside the UK actually care about older people and have a culture whereby they all look out for them.

And it's a thing where students do keep in touch with their lecturers sometimes

Unless you start to notice he's worrying about money, no it's not anything sinister and you should be glad he has some friendship and can share intellectually with another

Jibber jabbering whiners?

This thread has taken quite the turn already 🤣

So, as above, he's old, he will definitely and irrefutably have had some cognitive decline by age 70 as that is a fact that cannot be denied...

If that's a fact @casualbrowser, you won't have any difficulty in providing a reputable source for it.

Really good points

1. Dunno where she's from but it's true that many countries have much more inter generational living and also closer relationships across generations. I was shocked (and delighted) when I found out a very good friend of mine (Bengali) had called my mum (who she'd met once, and had her house phone number from a previous time I'd been staying at my mums) to wish her well after an operation. They had a good old chat for an hour apparently! Friend said totally normal to do that and thought I was weird for thinking it was weird ha ha.
2. Agree re meeting her casually if possible. Best case, she's nice. Worst, she knows you're in the loop. Just play it really friendly and assume the best because it would be awful if she felt you were accusatory if in fact she is just a lovely friend to your dad.

I think it's super nice she's encouraging him to go to talks etc btw. Reminds me of Kate Winslet character in the Holiday!

😂

@casualbrowser sorry you have such a bee in your bonnet about this. Can't really understand why you're so angry.
OP knows her dad, and says he's cognitive fine but a bit less confident going out. I think we can probably put a bit more weight on her assessment of him than on your slightly shouty proclamations about cognition. 🙄

It may be worth money to you, but to your dad the joy was probably in giving it to someone who appreciates it.
I would keep an eye on him anyway, but if he is still of sound mind, 70 is not really old.

Oh I didn't realise he was on the Supreme Court or we were talking about the Supreme Court.

Anyway, reality continues to be real. And saying someone will have some cognitive decline at 70 (which is a simple and undeniable fact) does NOT MEAN and DOES NOT SUGGEST they are helpless or hopeless.

But suggesting to someone that they should keep a weather eye out on their ageing father is sensible, realistic and fair.

As everyone already knows.

This is so mean. OP is just looking out for her dad!

Tell that to the Supreme Court!