I can't tell if it is lovely that my dad has this friend, or concerning?

The fact that he doesn't potter about between his daughters' houses suggests that he is perfectly happy in his own life.

we both have young families, we try to visit my dad at least once every other month each in London, so he should always have a monthly visiter, even if just for one night.

I think trying to do much more than that is a big ask. Keeping in mind the distance and other commitments.
It would make sense for Dad to visit them. Hes presumably retired with more time on his hands, he could get some value out a Senior Citzeans Rail Card.

Why would a 25 year be socialising with a 70 year old. It's fairly rare I would have thought...I agree with you. Keep an eye on that.

I know, ridiculous isn't it!

I'm glad to hear your partner is still her fabulous self & I don't blame her for not embracing turning 70, but tell her the alternative is worse!! My Mum is in her 80's, but my Dad died in his 60's 🥲

Yabu
Ive got an older friend that i visit .

Her female relative is suspicious of me but has never made any effort to be nice to me or meet me . She easily could meet me we are in the same town.

I wish she wouldbut never mind sod her and carry on. My friend and I carry on our friendship we dont need her permission.

If it were my parents, id be pleased, and try and meet them if I could.

they currently alternate months, i think.

I'm in my late 30s, married with 2 kids, but I have a friend that's in his 70s that I know through a work connection. We meet for coffee every couple of months and have a chat or catch up over text. We both have a lot going on in our lives with caring responsibilities and it's nice to have someone that is removed from my usual circles that will listen and offer advice if needed. I do the same for him. There's nothing malicious in it, it's just a friendship, so it can happen. It sounds like this lady is good company for your dad.

I think that you have to take a balanced approach.

you can be delighted that your dad has a friend bit at the same time, keep a look out.

She could be a friend or a predator.

On a different note, what does your dad do in his day?

Does he have a sports club to go or does he like golf? Does he volunteer? What clubs does he go to?

What did he do for Christmas?

She can't just get lasting power of attorney. The process would have to be initiated by her father.

Private message you

At 71 (and a widow) no-one is checking my bank accounts , thank you. I am in charge of my own life and nowhere near needing my sons overseeing my friendships.
A lot of posters seem to think we all lose our marbles at 70 and can't be trusted to make our own decisions.

I don't see what you can be concerned about? Just because he's retired doesn't mean he's not capable of having friendships with younger people.

Unless you think nobody would ever be friends with an old person unless they were hell bent on ripping them off or getting their hands on the person's inheritance? That's quite a cynical point of view.

Especially when theres no evidence whatsoever of anything untoward. And you've never met this person.

I have loss of confidence as I've grown older (77) but that doesn't mean I've lost my faculties. I doubt whether OPs father has either or she would have mentioned it.

The OP herself has said he has lost confidence since he retired and been recently widowed. That would class him as emotionally vulnerable - to what extent none of us can know. Doesn’t have to be cognitive decline to be vulnerable.

Many emotionally strong working women have been the target of romance scams and lost hundreds of thousands of pounds. Groomers and manipulators play a long game. I am not saying this is happening here. But there is no doubt that this man due to his change of circumstances (recently widowed and retired) AND his observed behaviours (loss of confidence) is emotionally vulnerable.

It’s worth pointing out that there doesn’t need to be any dementia involved, for a younger woman to take advantage, particularly financial advantage, of a susceptible older widower. I’m sure many of us have heard of such cases.

Some older men are very easily convinced that a much younger, attractive woman is sincerely in love with him.

The prevailing narrative appears to be that only old, senile people can fall victim to scams. This is not the case. Anyone can be scammed by anyone no matter how smart they think they are.

My parents are both smart, well educated people, not outwardly vulnerable, but they are also gullible and take pretty much everyone at face value. They are in their 70s and they absolutely could easily be scammed.

This kind of relationship can be used to scam people, everyone should be aware of that. That doesn’t mean the couple are scammers, it may be entirely as it is. There is no harm in OP just keeping an eye on it.

Those having a go at OP for being far away, get back in your box. These sisters have made sure he sees one of them regularly. Presumably they also keep in contact in between. Nowadays you don’t have to live right next door to your relatives to stay connected.

Yes, you're apparently one step away from drooling and needing someone to have oversight of your friendships in case you're gormlessly giving scammers expensive presents and changing your will gaily.

I hear you saraclara ..I am 73 myself ...but I still stand by my own text above as well. 😀

As a 70 year old, it's interesting to discover that I can't be trusted to make a friend/renew a friendship or give a friend a gift, without supervision.

There are some bonkers posts on this thread.

Could be great for him could be suspicious. Difficult as you and your sister live so far away. It's good that you visit once a month between you but it is probably quite lonely for him since your mother died, even though he has friends. He is a very intelligent man who still has his wits about him which is good but when we are very lonely our usual common sense can go out of the window. I can see why he enjoys the intellectual interaction, I would too, but he probably doesn't know this international ex student's back ground very well ...only what she and her 'charming' tell him. I would keep a quiet eye open. See if you can meet her on one of yours or your sister's visits. It would be a shame to discourage a lonely old man's intellectual relationship with an ex student if all is what it seems to your dad...but it would be awful to see him maybe scammed and deeply hurt further down the line. I think that all you and your sister can do is be non committal either way about this lady and discreetly watch and wait. 💐

Exactly why I still live in London in my dotage! People who don't live here don't realise that London is basically made up of 'villages' and in many cases we have communities around us. Within walking distance I have my GP, dentist, range of shops, railway, tube and bus links into the centre, not forgetting friends and neighbours.

Im fairly sure some of these posters base their view of academia on old episodes of Morse.

Most academics that ive worked or studied with have had to do all sorts of crap jobs along the way and being an academic involves an awful lot of budgeting, financial forecasting etc. They're not all bumbling around thinking about Byzantium. Ask yourself whether you'd trust Mary Beard to evaluate a friendship or decide whether to give a book away.

Which always seems like a lovely idea ... but he'll be leaving all his friends and contacts behind. In all reality, finding a new set of friends at 70 is very unlikely.

London is a great place to live as an older person. Agreed, central London can be a bit in-your-face but most of us live in bustling neighbourhoods with GPs, sports centres, libraries, cinemas and shops within walking distance or we have excellent local transport.

Exactly. We have thousands and thousands of books, some valuable first editions, that we will need to get rid of at some point. We will probably sell many, but if I knew someone who would value a specific book because they adored the author, I might well give it to them.

I think it sounds lovely. Would you be as concerned if it was a male ex student? Or do you think you are perhaps falling for the extremely sexist view that all women are potentially gold diggers?

It’s worth remembering that professors are used to spending time with lots of young people. And as someone else has pointed out, she may well come from a culture where inter generational friendships are more usual. And she has brought her partner along! How lovely that your father has developed a friendship with someone who has similar interests and can have stimulating conversation with.

And as for cognitive decline - no idea why people are jumping to assume that. Depends on the individual, surely? My father is 80 and still works - because he wants to, not because he has to - and is still more than mentally capable of doing his highly professional job. I wouldn’t assume he couldn’t see through something sinister purely due to his age.