To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

I kind of understand op, when I got married I had my best friend as my moh over my sister. Me and my sister had a falling out years before and I wasn’t even invited to her wedding lol so I didn’t feel like it was something I had to do, my best friend had helped me alot more over the years and helped with the decorations etc (something my sister volunteered herself for then never bothered doing any of it) I did have my niece as a bridesmaid too.

A few years later and my best friend is now engaged but has decided to elope due to not being able to choose bridesmaid/moh. I was a little bit 🤷‍♀️ but ultimately it’s her wedding so never let it bother me !

Be happy you can relax and enjoy the day without the headache of all that planning and just enjoy being pregnant and being a bridesmaid for your dear friend.

Your love of planning (and making this all about you!) are perhaps the reason why she has gone with the traditional approach of asking her sister?

You come across as OTT and a bit controlling and maybe she wants someone a bit more chilled and easy to get along with in charge of arranging her hen do? You are her best friend, not her only friend and having a MOH who can get along with everyone/ who isn't jealous of the other friendships / doesn't see themselves in a starring role will make her life far easier.

I can understand this stung you, as you were expecting to be MOH. However this is one of life's personal disappointments that you move on from. And for gods sake, don't say anything to anyone in real life. Don't question the friendship- she didn't choose another friend- she chose her sister. And for all you know, she might have been disappointed when you announced your pregnancy, as this would change her hen/ MOH plans. But she wouldn't say anything.
Honestly op if this is the biggest problem you have to occupy your thoughts, you are very very lucky.
Offer your help at appropriate moments, be glad for your friend. That's good sensible advice.

OP, had you talked about this agreement since secondary school? If you had talked about it in the last 5 to 10 years, perhaps it would have been kind of her to have a quick word with you before you discovering that her sister was maid of honour. But you do seem to be overreacting a bit.

Why are you so hurt? Are you quite isolated generally, do you depend a lot on this one friend and have quite a small social circle, do you take rejection easily? Do you form intense friendships? Do you have a busy life otherwise? I’m just trying to understand why you are hurt to this degree.

You don't know that. You might still have chosen your friend and you might not have. Especially if the friend was pregnant.

How far along are you? When is the wedding?
You said the wedding is "in a few months".
So it could be close to your due date. What if you go into labour and end up having to miss the wedding? Or it could be after your due date and you have a newborn and could end up having to miss the wedding altogether or it might just end up being really difficult to be MOH and have a newborn at the wedding, or the baby has to stay at home with grandparents or whatever.

I don't blame her at all. You being pregnant changes everything.

Oh dear.

You're pregnant, her reasons are valid OP. I suspect hormones have amplified your feelings.

This isn't a big deal.

But you're not there for her now. You're making this about you.

And really, whatever you think, her sister would always come first.

That's the most insanely glass-half-empty viewpoint. These are not integral life experiences and you have actual great things to be happy about - best friend getting married, being a bridesmaid, being pregnant, being married, having DC. If you think missing out on planning a hen do is this big tragedy, you need some real problems to grapple with.

And if you think for more than a few seconds, you'll realise how daft it is to say that if you had a sister, you'd still have picked your friend as MoH. Literally everyone including your friend says otherwise and so would you if you stop feeling sorry for yourself and think - actually, are sisters the first choice for MoH? Of course you'd have picked your sister. Come down to earth and see this for what it is - really not a big deal nor a loss to you. You can enjoy the hen and wedding and be happy for your friend. It's not about you, that's not being sidelined, that's just being part of something bigger and it's good for the ego.

Planning what though ? No one had any say on what happened at our wedding apart from myself and my husband
My sis - who was my MOH and only bridesmaid-only had to do was arrange hen party, but she got a lot of guidance and pointers from me though. She had nothing else to do it wasn't her getting married
Its not your wedding you dont get any say, dont wnat to be bridesmaid then say so - You are having a baby soon thats what you will be planning for

They were children when they made this agreement. I made an agreement with my friend when we're 15 that if we couldn't find anyone to marry us by 30 we would get married to each other. Pretty sure neither of us would have expected it to happen.

Is it so weird to want your sister as your MOH? I don't think so.

A close sister would always be MOH IMO. I’ve planned hen do’s when I’ve not been the MOH, so just because you aren’t doesn’t mean you won’t still be involved. Getting upset over a childhood promise is insane

You don't know that. You don't know what it's like to have a sister, so you can't assume that you would choose a friend over a sister

Genuine question; isn't your wife your "best friend"?

You sound like you're 10 years old. Grow up and be happy for your friend that she's getting married.

Maybe it would be better if your friend realises that instead of being happy for her, you're bitter and a silly 'deal' made as children.

If I was your friend and I found out you were behaving like this it would be me dropping you, not the other way round. Get a grip.

Bizarre that you think the bride is acting appallingly, she is a bridesmaid. I might agree if she wasn't invited to the wedding. The bride isn't being a bridezilla about this, she can ask whoever she wants, this sounds like the OP wants to have a 'starring' role in the wedding for some reason.
If the OP is prepared to let this affect her friendship then that's a shame but says more about the OP than the bride.

It’s her sister. Get a grip.

be rational, don’t throw away years of friendship over being a maid of honour….its her sister it’s normal to have your sister as head Bridesmaid.

give yourself the day and then let this go. You don’t have a sister so you don’t know what pressure you might have been under if you did have one. You can still do beautiful things for the Bride

You’re married, you’re going to be a mother. You’re too old to be stamping your foot like Veruca Salt crying it’s not fair.

Also deals made as school children don’t count. Or else my firstborn child should be named after a friend I barely ever see and don’t particularly like anymore.

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time and that you are disappointed. She clearly values you as you are a bridesmaid and she hasn't chosen some other friends to be maid-of-honour.

A sister (unless a family rift) usually does trump a friend in getting first dibs for roles. I don't have a sister so my childhood friend was my maid of honour. However, had my brother (who had another role in the wedding) been a girl, he would have been my MOH.

When is the wedding and when is your baby due?

Don’t be a dick. Sisters pretty much always come before the best mate for MOH at weddings. If they’ve got a sister and they’re close they’re going to be picked. Can you imagine the family fall out if she didn’t?

Plus she’s being thoughtful… you won’t want to do all the planning when pregnant and with so much else going on.

@missblueberrypie did it ever occur to you that perhaps she thinks she is making the right choice for both of you. With respect you are pregnant with your second your priority shouldn’t be her wedding it should be your family.

She is right there, any decision you made as her maid of honour should have been taking that into account and she didn’t want that she wanted someone who would plan for her and just her.

Her mistake I think was not talking to you but you kind of have to see why she did it