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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

481 replies

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:35

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

OP posts:
Heyheyitsanotherday · 13/01/2026 13:07

I think she’s playing it safe having her sister as moh. Friends can be tricky and fall out. Sisters can also but families family so more reason not to fall out forever. Be relieved! Moh is a pain in the absolute ass! Enjoy being a bridesmaid. And unless you want to appear very unreasonable do not fall out with her over this.

Epidote · 13/01/2026 13:02

I would think you are unreasonable if she just choose her sister over you, that is OK, is her sister. But the excuse she has given you about your being pregnant and not being able to be involved in the planing is bridecilla level 1, is all about me, in my humble opinion.

BashfulClam · 13/01/2026 13:00

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 12:32

Is your husband/wife yours? You’re allowed friends outside. The love for my friend is platonic whilst that for my wife is romantic.

Yes my husband is my best friend, above anyone else.

Booksandwine80 · 13/01/2026 13:00

Blueyrocks · 13/01/2026 12:56

@Booksandwine80 no, but I'm from a violent, abusive, and addiction-ridden family that I still love despite all that. And from a fairly conservative culture/ community, which I married out of. It's not uncommon to be "out" of the community when you do that. So I had many reasons to otherwise do things according to our traditions. Not sure there was any need to be so snappy tbh!

@missblueberrypie thank you, but I really didn't mind. My wedding was a big family/ community thing, not a 'me' day, if that makes sense. I don't feel badly robbed of anything!

I asked a question, maybe ask yourself why you have an issue with that? Odd post

Mamabearandcubs · 13/01/2026 12:59

Just because you are her bridesmaid rather than MOH doesn’t mean she doesn’t see you both as close and value your friendship/ see you as her closest friend. Everybody I know who has a sister has always chosen their sister as MOH rather than friends it isn’t personal to the friends and no one else will look at you as any less of a best friend to her. You sound like your pride has been hurt or you’re jealous of her sister.

Uptightmumma · 13/01/2026 12:57

My best friend was my bridesmaid! She’s got 3 sisters then we’re hers and I was just a guest! That’s how it goes sometimes.

BunnyLake · 13/01/2026 12:57

You do sound quite immature. Do you think maybe generally one of you is maturing faster than the other (ie your friend is able to deal with changes and flexibility in a way you aren’t).

Blueyrocks · 13/01/2026 12:56

@Booksandwine80 no, but I'm from a violent, abusive, and addiction-ridden family that I still love despite all that. And from a fairly conservative culture/ community, which I married out of. It's not uncommon to be "out" of the community when you do that. So I had many reasons to otherwise do things according to our traditions. Not sure there was any need to be so snappy tbh!

@missblueberrypie thank you, but I really didn't mind. My wedding was a big family/ community thing, not a 'me' day, if that makes sense. I don't feel badly robbed of anything!

RampantIvy · 13/01/2026 12:52

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 12:30

But I love weddings so much. I just wish I could be there for her

But you will be. I don't understand why you even want to get involved in the hen and wedding planning. It is a PITA. Sit back, relax and enjoy the event when it happens.

You are a pregnant mother why do you want the aggro?

Does the sister have any children and is she pregnant?

SALaw · 13/01/2026 12:52

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 10:55

Yes but I know her sister will take over - she’s already started the planning 😔

So what?!

Booksandwine80 · 13/01/2026 12:46

Blueyrocks · 13/01/2026 12:20

My family wouldn't let me have anyone other than my sister as my maid of honour. And, yes, I'm aware I could have stood my ground, but the fallout would have been huge and awful. Not worth it. Fortunately, my preferred maid of honour understood and was just happy to be my bridesmaid. Maybe your friends in a similar situation @missblueberrypie ?

Wouldn’t let you? Are you a child?

Booksandwine80 · 13/01/2026 12:43

What should you do?! Maybe grow the hell up if you’re about to become a parent…….Jesus Christ 🙄

MyMilchick · 13/01/2026 12:41

Jeez grow up woman

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 12:39

Blueyrocks · 13/01/2026 12:20

My family wouldn't let me have anyone other than my sister as my maid of honour. And, yes, I'm aware I could have stood my ground, but the fallout would have been huge and awful. Not worth it. Fortunately, my preferred maid of honour understood and was just happy to be my bridesmaid. Maybe your friends in a similar situation @missblueberrypie ?

I'm so sorry this happened to you 😔

OP posts:
missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 12:36

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 13/01/2026 10:57

Maybe she was strong armed into making her sister her MOH and your pregnancy just an excuse?

Yeah that’s what I think 😔

OP posts:
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 13/01/2026 12:33

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 12:30

But I love weddings so much. I just wish I could be there for her

You sound like a whiny child.

Have you taken on board anything anyone has said to you? 97% of the thousands of respondents think you’re being unreasonable. Is that penetrating at all?

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 12:32

MrsEmmelineLucas · 13/01/2026 11:37

Genuine question; isn't your wife your "best friend"?

Is your husband/wife yours? You’re allowed friends outside. The love for my friend is platonic whilst that for my wife is romantic.

OP posts:
missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 12:30

metalbottle · 13/01/2026 12:26

Great. You don't have to spend hours of your life planning someone else's event unpaid while you are pregnant. Dodged a bullet there.

But I love weddings so much. I just wish I could be there for her

OP posts:
LightandAiry · 13/01/2026 12:30

OP it's probably to do with family dynamics; your friend is expected to choose her sister.

I hope you move on and have a lovely day at the wedding. It's raw for you at the moment and you're pregnant.

thistimelastweek · 13/01/2026 12:29

WWYDPlease · 12/01/2026 23:42

I love Mumsnet. The pure madness of it. Chucking a shit fit because you're a bridesmaid and not the big boss bridesmaid?

I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to show my appreciation for the descriptor 'big boss bridesmaid '.
Going forward that's the term I shall be using.

metalbottle · 13/01/2026 12:26

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 10:55

Yes but I know her sister will take over - she’s already started the planning 😔

Great. You don't have to spend hours of your life planning someone else's event unpaid while you are pregnant. Dodged a bullet there.

Purplebunnie · 13/01/2026 12:22

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 10:35

It’s not disingenuous because if I had a sister I would have still chosen my friend

And you probably would have upset your mother, father, grandparents and not least of all your sister if you had done this. It could have caused major upset

I'm sorry that you are so upset by all of this but unfortunately this is the way it goes with families and weddings.

I had to have a backup plan for someone to give me away as at one point my brother wasn't giving me away.

Blueyrocks · 13/01/2026 12:20

My family wouldn't let me have anyone other than my sister as my maid of honour. And, yes, I'm aware I could have stood my ground, but the fallout would have been huge and awful. Not worth it. Fortunately, my preferred maid of honour understood and was just happy to be my bridesmaid. Maybe your friends in a similar situation @missblueberrypie ?

SillyGoose33 · 13/01/2026 12:19

Wow what an overreaction. How do you move forward ? You suck it up and enjoy her wedding. Furious 😂how entitled to think you would come before her sister

Ducksbehindthesofa · 13/01/2026 12:14

Who are the 3% who voted YANBU? Reveal yourselves immediately!