To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

You’re bloody crackers @op

Right - I’ve been MOH 4 times and bridesmaid twice. Let me tell you, there is little to no difference. I didn’t plan everything when I was MOH, everyone pitched in. It was mostly a title, and on the day you absolutely won’t care.
I am sorry you are upset, but you are over reacting - big time.
Just be happy to be included and happy for your friend.

You are married and pregnant with your second child. I don't think your best friend's wedding should be your main focus in life. Enjoy helping your friend as a bridesmaid. She has been MoH twice so had to let down either you or her sister, perhaps she thought you were more mature and would support her in a difficult decision. You will also make more friends, someone may ask you to be their MoH yet.

Who the hell is buying this? I honestly despair at people falling for rage bait/ reverse type threads.
Look at the board for the other side of this exact scenario, then take this with a pinch of salt .
Report me if you want, I just needed to get that off my chest 😉.

Op, you need to get over this very quickly to make sure that on the big day your face isn’t tripping you and your friend ends up ruing the day you both met.

You do seem quite strangely overinvested. For the first time it is crossing my mind whether your friend perhaps didn’t want you be moh for that reason. You might be intense and OTT over everything, and might irritate the other bridesmaids etc. Do you think that could be a thing? I really don’t mean to be horrid, just basing it on how you are coming across here.

Her sister is 9 years younger so late teens or 20 at most now what exactly do you think a bloody teenager or younger should have done to help her adult/near adult sibling through "difficult times".
Give your head a wobble her sister didn't sit back and do nothing she was a bloody child.

@JudyMoncada yeah, I agree - the eye roll and comment about sister's age are a bit judgey.

@missblueberrypie You'd have hated my wedding 😂

And finally we get there. She is reciprocating with her sister. I am willing to bet there has been a far more recent conversation between them as adults to be MOH for each other.

Your comments about her age and about her evening do being chaotic with added eye roll emoji are plain nasty.

But maybe that was what her sister wanted, something less formal and to go with the flow. Not being funny but you saying she was too young is slightly ironic given your reaction to something that is both irrelevant in the overall scheme of things and a natural thing for a bride to ask her sister.
I would focus on being pregnant, not obsess over this, it’s not good for you.

I hope it isn't patronising to suggest that with your pregnancy too you are maybe feeling a bit anxious about how your friendship will be in the future, and who you are now you're a mum to be? Just, your reaction is so intense to a one day thing, it maybe is about something bigger than that?

Also who cares this much about being somebody’s MOH?

How weird.

You are late 20s and her sister is 9 years younger. So her sister must be late teens/20 ish, yet already married and relocated. Exactly how much could her sister have actually 'done'? Aside from anything else, she was still a child through these difficult years.

And none of this matters anyway. You are holding onto a childish fantasy. No one hangs onto stupid teenage agreements outside of low budget made for TV movies.

Your friend wants her sister to be her MOH. Her reasons are hers and do not need to make sense to you. Your energy would be better spent working out why you are fixated on this rather than being angry with your friend. She has done nothing wrong.

This is her SISTER.

You are being ridiculous.

@missblueberrypie really sorry you feel attacked. Please bear in mind that the maid of honour thing is often about things other than the quality of the relationship. My sister and I aren't close at all and on the day itself it was still my friend, who was "just" a bridesmaid, who helped me and was "there for me". Try not to let this decision affect your friendship. In my case, the decision was nothing to do with how I felt about the two people themselves.

But you’re STILL HER BRIDESMAID! You’re acting as if you haven’t even been invited to the wedding.

you don't me and my best friend

Apparently, neither do you 🤷‍♀️

And apparently neither does she because I can't imagine she foresaw this ridiculous overreaction to nothing. Do you not think friendships need to mature and adjust with time? You really do sound like a schoolgirl here.

It really sounds like you think it’s all about you and your only chance to be a maid of honour. This is your friends wedding and for whatever reason she has chosen her sister. You need to pull up your big girl pants and get over yourself.

The wedding isn’t about you, op. I can’t relate to what you’re feeling because I don’t understand why you are so upset. You are still a bridesmaid, you can still be involved and be there for her/celebrate etc. The moh is her sister, not some random. You need to squash these feelings now or you alone risk ruining the friendship. Your friend hasn’t done anything wrong.

OP, had you talked about this agreement since secondary school? If you had talked about it in the last 5 to 10 years, perhaps it would have been kind of her to have a quick word with you before you discovering that her sister was maid of honour. But you do seem to be overreacting a bit.

Why are you so hurt? Are you quite isolated generally, do you depend a lot on this one friend and have quite a small social circle, do you take rejection easily? Do you form intense friendships? Do you have a busy life otherwise? I’m just trying to understand why you are hurt to this degree.

Yes, I think this is what you need to do, OP. Focus on your pregnancy and the child you already have. Work in building your family together with your wife. She's more than a romantic partner, she's a life partner and a co-parent. Perhaps focus on that moving forward.

@missblueberrypie You said that your friend's sister is married, that she is 9 years younger than you and your friend who are in your late 20's.

So I guess the friend's sister/MOH is about 19 and must have got married fairly recently? So was your friend MOH for her sister? Would make sense for your friend to reciprocate?

Why did the reason being your pregnancy make you "even more heartbroken"? It sounds perfectly reasonable to me - surely it’s better than the reason being she just doesn’t like you that much any more.

She was wrong not to tell you directly, but perhaps she never set as much store by a childhood agreement as you did.