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Original poster

To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

481 replies

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:35

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

OP posts:
Cocomelon67 · 12/01/2026 23:53

I wasn’t even a bridesmaid at my MOH’s wedding.. it was a long time later and life moves on. I was happy for her and attended joyfully. Honestly this is not a snub. Please let it go and enjoy this fun time with your friend before you show yourself up.

SeaUrchinHat · 12/01/2026 23:53

What should I do going forward?

Remember you’re an adult, would be a good start. Maybe it would help to concentrate on what you DO have: an invitation to be a friend’s bridesmaid? That’s lovely isn’t it? It’s quite an honour and as someone who’s never been asked I find your response horrible. You can do better for your friend and for yourself.

Teapotee · 12/01/2026 23:52

I think you’re deeply overreacting.

You’re still a bridesmaid, and the maid of honour is her sister, not some random other mate.

Just go, do your bridesmaid stuff, having a jolly time, and be happy for her.

rebeccachoc · 12/01/2026 23:52

She probably also thinks she's doing you a favour as you are pregnant so it's more a turn up role, rather than planning, maybe helping set up and tear down etc role.

avignon1234 · 12/01/2026 23:51

Please do "catch yourself on" as we say in our family. Sisters (even if they fight like cat and dog most of the time) always get first go, can you imagine how it would go down if they didn't ! I think it is lovely that you have been asked to be bridesmaid. Even if I was "nothing", I would be happy to go to this wedding and take part in the enjoyment. She is still your best friend, she is having to make some choices right now about who comes and who plays which role, but all of it is really irrelevant, it is a few hours. Just go in the role that has been asked and take every pleasure in making it a good day for you both, and enjoy it xx

DoIdriveaVauxhallZafira · 12/01/2026 23:50

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:46

Oh wow I’m getting really harsh responses. I just thought we were close but I guess not that close. She has 6 bridesmaid in total not including the maid of honour

See I understand where you're coming from with this, but your post talks about being furious she broke a promise she made as a child and that really is totally unreasonable.

You're not unreasonable to feel hurt and upset, although you'd be unreasonable to make a thing of it. Say nothing.

I don't think its a sign you're less close than you thought, just reflective of her relationship with her sister. Very few women would sideline their sisters in this situation.

Keep your disappointed to yourself, remember weddings intensify feelings all around and focus on being the friend you are to her. If you leave her room to do likewise, you'll probably be reassured - just don't hang things on this wedding, weddings are madness.

JustAnotherWhinger · 12/01/2026 23:50

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:48

We have always been there for each other and told each other everything. I’d say we are actually closer than her and her sister are, that’s what I don’t get

Her sister is her sister. The closeness may be different, but there is a different kind of relationship there.

You are massively overthinking this.

Needtofixmyageingskin · 12/01/2026 23:49

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:46

Oh wow I’m getting really harsh responses. I just thought we were close but I guess not that close. She has 6 bridesmaid in total not including the maid of honour

How does her choosing her sister mean you're not close?! Do you expect to rank above sister? I assume you're joking!

Noshadealltea · 12/01/2026 23:48

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:46

Oh wow I’m getting really harsh responses. I just thought we were close but I guess not that close. She has 6 bridesmaid in total not including the maid of honour

If she and her sister have a good close relationship then you’re right that you’re probably close to your friend but not as close as her sister. I get that it’s upsetting and a let down, but try not to let it get to you too much. You’re still part of her big day, and it is her day, so try to keep the focus on being happy for her.

Original poster
missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:48

We have always been there for each other and told each other everything. I’d say we are actually closer than her and her sister are, that’s what I don’t get

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 12/01/2026 23:48

I think she made a good choice if your overreaction is anything to go by. Hen weekend drama guaranteed

99bottlesofkombucha · 12/01/2026 23:48

You can still actively help plan the hens! But you might be very happy to not feel it’s all on you if you’re pregnant and presumably will have a little baby at the wedding- best of both worlds, your friend loves you and you can celebrate her wedding and enjoy your baby.

Yellowcakestand · 12/01/2026 23:46

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Original poster
missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:46

Oh wow I’m getting really harsh responses. I just thought we were close but I guess not that close. She has 6 bridesmaid in total not including the maid of honour

OP posts:
Ketchupmunchies · 12/01/2026 23:45

This reply has been deleted

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This Grin

justpassmethemouse · 12/01/2026 23:45

There’s so much to do at weddings, could you and the MOH plan the hen together?

Unless you are very young brides, I’d probably let the promise go.

TwistedWonder · 12/01/2026 23:43

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:40

But we had a deal and when she told me she was getting married I was so excited and I was already in my mind planning the hen do. I just feel like I’m not important anymore 😔

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Seriously this comment comes across like you’re about 13

JustAnotherWhinger · 12/01/2026 23:43

She has a sister. Of course she was going to ask her.

You can't hold people to agreements made when you were school age.

You'll destroy your friendship if you don't take a step back and realise you are being ridiculous.

Needtofixmyageingskin · 12/01/2026 23:43

Are you 10?

Evaka · 12/01/2026 23:43

You're getting a bit of a harsh response here but agree not a big deal at all OP. Enjoy not having to do heavy lifting and have fun on the day x

WWYDPlease · 12/01/2026 23:43

I love Mumsnet. The pure madness of it. Chucking a shit fit because you're a bridesmaid and not the big boss bridesmaid?

WWYDPlease · 12/01/2026 23:42

I love Mumsnet. The pure madness of it. Chucking a shit fit because you're a bridesmaid and not the big boss bridesmaid?

OhBumBags · 12/01/2026 23:42

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:40

But we had a deal and when she told me she was getting married I was so excited and I was already in my mind planning the hen do. I just feel like I’m not important anymore 😔

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🙄🙄

TwistedWonder · 12/01/2026 23:41

You know the world doesn’t revolve around you right?

You sound like you’re in an American high school movie. I get you might be disappointed but grow the fuck up

Original poster
missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:40

OhBumBags · 12/01/2026 23:38

Lol at 'might' be overreacting.

Sisters tend to get first dibs on MOH.

You're a bridesmaid, you should be pleased to be included.

But we had a deal and when she told me she was getting married I was so excited and I was already in my mind planning the hen do. I just feel like I’m not important anymore 😔

OP posts: