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Original poster

To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

481 replies

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:35

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

OP posts:
Mybestdecadeyet · 13/01/2026 00:48

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Motherhood is exactly what OP needs! That’ll put things into perspective o- what’s important and what’s really not!

Justmyramblings · 13/01/2026 00:46

Really?! The world is going to hell in a hand cart and you are worrying about this? Of course sisters / family take priority, rightly so if they get on /are close. BM is still an honour- just with less faff & organising. A win I’d say!

SouthernNights59 · 13/01/2026 00:46

Get a grip!! Maybe she doesn't want someone so dramatic to be her MOH. I certainly wouldn't.

You are married and expecting a child, it's time to grow up.

DidIJustHearWhatIThinkYouSaid · 13/01/2026 00:45

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 00:18

No I’m an only child 😔

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And here we have it …

NachoChip · 13/01/2026 00:45

I understand your hurt OP. You feel like this promise you made has encapsulated your friendship ...you made a bond in primary school that has stood the rest of time, and now this is "tested" on her side, you feel like you've been misled all along because you equated this role with what you mean to each other, and now you feel you're less to her than what you thought, and what she is to you.

Separate this for a minute, is your friendship as strong and equal in every other way? Are you there for each other, have fun etc? Do you think you're her best friend, or one of? That's what matters. She would probably love to have you as her MOH but she can't have two and the message to her sister would be much more of a snub. Maybe she doesn't realise just how much it means to you. Why don't you consider yourself chief bridesmaid and just get involved, show her what she does mean to you (because this is the bit that you need to take heed...this is her wedding and it is her choice, whatever her reasons and you shouldn't spoil that for her).

Think carefully here....you feel what you feel, but consider where you want to be the other side of this wedding.

DinoLil · 13/01/2026 00:43

It's fine to feel disappointed but crying all day is a bit dramatic in the scheme of things. Christ knows I've got serious things to cry about, I shan't bore you with a list, but not being MOH wouldn't even rate on it. And a secret? When all the photos are done, you can't tell an MOH from a bridesmaid. Or during the ceremony and reception.

TequilaNights · 13/01/2026 00:42

I think this is a time you meet have a conversation, then hug it out.

Yes, you had a deal, but would you choose never to see her again over this?

She might be getting pressured from other places and think you would be more understanding? Weddings can cause so many issues.

I can understand why you would be hurt, but, you've been friends a long time, don't lose her over a wedding title, and maybe ask to be involved in the planning with the sister? She might be grateful for some help.

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 13/01/2026 00:41

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saraclara · 13/01/2026 00:37

Our deal was made in secondary school

It gets better 🤦‍♀️

HumbleStumble · 13/01/2026 00:35

missblueberrypie · 12/01/2026 23:55

But I love planning and she knows this. I feel like I’m going never to get to be a maid of honour. I was so excited as I love weddings. I’ve been crying all day over this

Edited
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I don't think you are maid of honour material tbh based on your responses.

Catsbreakfast · 13/01/2026 00:35

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Isthisfunyet · 13/01/2026 00:35

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TheMoanerLisa · 13/01/2026 00:34

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 00:18

No I’m an only child 😔

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This is what I have been wanting to know.

However many years on from that childhood promise, I bet that if you did have a sister, she is who you would have chosen to have her as your MOH and not your best friend.

I think this is more about you feeling that you have a "sister" in her, but she does not feel the same. As an only child you may not be able to imagine the family fallout that could have occurred should she have chosen somebody over ger sister, Enjoy the wedding for the celebration of marriage that it is and be happy for your friend. it is not about who plays which role.

Swissmeringue · 13/01/2026 00:34

ItsPronouncedThroatwobblerMangrove · 13/01/2026 00:33

Yep, I was just wondering how I’ll break it to DH that I have to divorce him and try to track down Darren Jones.

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DH and the kids aren't going to take it well when I tell them I'm gonna have to leave DH because I pinky promised John Hodgkiss I was gonna marry him when I was in Y3.

Rora24 · 13/01/2026 00:34

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 00:25

late twenties, why?

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I've honestly taught 11 year olds who have shown more maturity.

It's fine to be privately disappointed but if she genuinely means that much to you then you'd bend over backwards to make her wedding day as happy and as stress free as possible. It is not about you. It's not your day. No wedding guest ever remembers who the maid of honor was out of the bridesmaids anyway unless they were at the hen do.

ItsPronouncedThroatwobblerMangrove · 13/01/2026 00:33

notbotheredthough · 13/01/2026 00:30

Her sister was always going to trump you. If we are stuck to primary school promises I'd be married to john O'Farrally by now 😬🤣

Yep, I was just wondering how I’ll break it to DH that I have to divorce him and try to track down Darren Jones.

saraclara · 13/01/2026 00:32

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Fends · 13/01/2026 00:30

Mate 🤣🤣

SunnyViper · 13/01/2026 00:30

Fucking hell. what have I just read?

notbotheredthough · 13/01/2026 00:30

Her sister was always going to trump you. If we are stuck to primary school promises I'd be married to john O'Farrally by now 😬🤣

Teanbiscuits33 · 13/01/2026 00:30

Mybestdecadeyet · 13/01/2026 00:25

No OP shouldn’t talk to her friend about it. She must realise by now that she’s being unreasonable.

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She is being totally unreasonable, and I personally wouldn’t talk to my friend if this was me, but I’ve suggested that so that she can get some perspective.

At the moment she seems to be thinking her friend has maliciously prevented her being MoH, where it’s probably more likely that her friend had no choice. If she knows this, she might feel better about it. I didn’t mean interrogate her friend over it 🤣

Swissmeringue · 13/01/2026 00:27

My best friend was my maid of honour, her sister was her maid of honour and I was a bridesmaid. It's not like she ditched me, she has a sister and I don't. You're overreacting.

MrsJeanLuc · 13/01/2026 00:27

missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 00:18

No I’m an only child 😔

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That explains a lot - never had to share 🤔

ClairDeLaLune · 13/01/2026 00:25

OP - give your head a wobble. YABU and completely ridiculous.

Original poster
missblueberrypie · 13/01/2026 00:25

EmeraldRoulette · 13/01/2026 00:24

@missblueberrypie may I ask how old you are, please?

@HoseGoblin "literally signed my soul away to guy for a coffee and a chupa chups lolly once"

careful, he might start a thread to argue that that's binding!

Edited

late twenties, why?

OP posts: